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Old 10-12-2017, 08:19 PM
 
1,717 posts, read 1,668,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OverItAll View Post

Why not go over and SPEAK to the little fellow next time he is outdoors? That'd be my first move. See what he says. He may be a hellion and needs the timeout or he may be a "scapegoated"child who is being unfairly treated. You need to collect more data.

Please don't confront the Mother. It will antagonize her if she IS abusive and may result in her taking it out on him.

Please don't ignore the situation either. Try to gather more data.
Op back here.

To go into our neighbor's backyard I'd have to go to their gate access in their front and walk along the side of their house and to their patio where the back door is. The kid stays right at that back door. I can't see him from my backyard, looking over the fence we share.

I do talk to the neighbors and to the wife. I have seen the kids playing in their front yard and up and down the sidewalk. They are well fed, well cared for. They've lived next door for around six years. Never had an issue with all this until recently. They didn't do this with their oldest child.

I will keep an ear out and see how it goes. Thanks for all the tips, clues, and comments.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:28 PM
 
1,717 posts, read 1,668,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
This is Texas - and it is where this happened (Richardson is close to Dallas, I think)

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...=.c68b3e41f94b
I saw this incident on the news. No, what I am talking about is completely different than what happened in that article. The neighbors are white, age in the low 30's, they live in a $300,000.00 house. When they moved in my husband and I were flabbergasted that they would replace all the appliances with stainless so 'they would match'. The wife has expensive tastes and comes from money.

I'm going to let the situation sit and see what happens. Time those incidents in the back yard.

As for what I've heard from the kid - This is a panic cry and not a temper tantrum. He is crying, sobbing and calling for his mommy. He's not mad. This is the type of thing I heard from my kids when they were physically hurt.
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:23 PM
 
28,164 posts, read 25,152,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
Because I bet I'm one of the people you're talking about here... I never said it was okay.

I just said that the OP has no clue if the mother is putting the boy outside for punishment unless she hears her yelling, "You're in time out! You can't come in, you bad boy!" or whatever.

The OP has no clue if the Mom is two feet away saying, "Just a second, sweetie. Bobby took off his diaper and got poo everywhere again!" or watching or not... or if she thoroughly checked the yard for broken glass and poisonous snakes (jeesh).

I am rather surprised, actually, at a number of people who appear to believe that a 3-year-old could never be away from its mother at any time, presumably. Outside to play alone? I personally don't think that's a good idea. Never stuck my own kids outside alone. Outside for punishment? No way. A reason to put her in jail, take away her other children, or give her involuntary surgery to take away her ability to have children? Absolutely not. (All other things being fine since I'm sure someone will bring that up.)
She needs parenting classes.
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Old 10-13-2017, 01:50 AM
 
4,096 posts, read 6,172,704 times
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You need to report this yesterday. Three years old is way too young to be doing this. This is emotional torment. I could not stand by and let this continue another minute. This mom has no idea what she is doing. I had twins and a third and never sent one outside like this. Horrific. This mom needs a wake up call fro CPS yesterday.
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Old 10-13-2017, 10:25 AM
 
Location: St. Louis, MO
4,009 posts, read 6,824,183 times
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Holy moly...

No... OP please do not call CPS without further investigation. It is shocking to me how many people are ready to vilify the mother without the OP knowing all of the information.

If the mother is indeed putting her child outside frequently as a punishment, then yes, that is awful and wrong. However, there has only been the assumption that this is the case. The OP needs to do more investigation, observation, and speak with the mother as there are dozens of reasons that this could be happening, no fault of the mother.

For instance:

•By 2, all of my children figured out how to open the side door and close it behind them. Thankfully, I have chimes on the doors associated with the security system so I know when this happens and am able to get to them pretty quickly. If I'm doing laundry in the basement though, it can take a couple of minutes upon hearing the chime to get back upstairs to the door. Heck, the mother may even be on the restroom when 'little Bobby' is getting outside and locking himself out (if this is the case). If he is locking himself out, then a chime system like mine would likely help, or some kind of child safety lock on the doors.

•Next scenario is another I know well, and mentioned in one of my previous posts... everyone is outside playing and when it is time to come in, one child doesn't want to co-operate. A mother only has so many hands and it is easier to take the cooperative children inside first and then go back out for the uncooperative child.

Anybody who says they had eyes on all of their children all of the time is either misremembering, a liar or candidate for the Universe's Best Parent Award...

Like I said, if she is doing this on purpose she needs some redirection in her parenting style, or maybe she's just so overwhelmed with all of the children that she needs help (in the form of friends and family, not necessarily CPS).

If I were the OP, I would see if there was anything I could do to help or any advice I could offer. Regardless, it is important that the OP gets FAR more information than what is known, prior to involving the authorities.
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Old 10-13-2017, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Midwest
2,132 posts, read 2,269,991 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glamatomic View Post
Holy moly...

No... OP please do not call CPS without further investigation. It is shocking to me how many people are ready to vilify the mother without the OP knowing all of the information.
Calling CPS is not vilification. CPS is the vehicle for further investigation on behalf of the child(ren). If nothing is discovered, then there will be no case opened.

The OP is hesitant to talk to the parents, yet concerned enough to start a thread and ask strangers for advice? Call CPS.
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Old 10-13-2017, 05:59 PM
 
Location: NY>FL>VA>NC>IN
3,563 posts, read 1,861,339 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sollaces View Post
Op back here.

To go into our neighbor's backyard I'd have to go to their gate access in their front and walk along the side of their house and to their patio where the back door is. The kid stays right at that back door. I can't see him from my backyard, looking over the fence we share.

I do talk to the neighbors and to the wife. I have seen the kids playing in their front yard and up and down the sidewalk. They are well fed, well cared for. They've lived next door for around six years. Never had an issue with all this until recently. They didn't do this with their oldest child.

I will keep an ear out and see how it goes. Thanks for all the tips, clues, and comments.
OK this tells us more.
If you've been neighbors for six years, are neighborly with the Mother and you both speak, I would think this is probably not a serious situation. Hard to conceive that for six years you wouldn't have noticed/heard something else amiss, were it happening regularly.

I'm an old hand housewife and Mother, been raising kids since 1982-present (last one just turned 18), always in nice suburban 'hoods and I have known more than a few spoiled, out of hand and horridly behaved, difficult to control children. I've seen kids kick and hit their Mothers, throw food at their Mothers and all sorts of behaviors my children would've been terrified to attempt.

So my thought after the new data presented is this boy may be a really difficult, wild Indian type and the Mother not the physical chastisement type, is resorting to a "timeout" so she can gather herself before she flips out on him. With four others including wee infant twins she has to be at her limit. Perhaps the outdoor timeout is because he will go nuts if confined to his room, destroy the room etc. I have seen kids do this. I have an overindulged granddaughter aged almost 4 who will urinate on the floor if placed in her room for a timeout (been trained since 19mos), will then open the door and THROW the wet underpants into the hallway while gleefully announcing she has done so.

My guess as to why you didn't witness her doing this with the eldest is she didn't have five children when the eldest was 3 y/o. Or the eldest was an obedient child.
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Old 10-13-2017, 06:29 PM
 
35,512 posts, read 17,676,943 times
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Locking him out "almost daily", for a time period where he is screaming at the top of his lungs is way too much. That frequency rules out the thought that he was playing and now wants in but she has an infant in the bathtub and can't get there to open the door just this minute.

There are so many red flags here - no one who understands child development would encourage her to basically "abandon" a 3 year old almost daily as a punishment. That causes damaging. A child who is terrified and is screaming for the mother, and knows the mother is purposely ignoring his terror is a damaged child.

A big red flag - to me - is this mother who otherwise has behaved normally suddenly doesn't care if the whole neighborhood hears her untended preschooler screaming for help and being ignored.

She's reached a point where she's sticking him outside in the Texas summer heat, with no shade, and doesn't at this point care that the neighbors know it.

I would go over next time, and just say I hear your child screaming in your yard and I wanted to make sure you were here and are ok.

Because this isn't going to get better. Her punishments aren't going to get lighter, and he's not going to become better behaved in her eyes anytime soon.

Best wishes. This is hard.
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Old 10-13-2017, 06:39 PM
 
35,512 posts, read 17,676,943 times
Reputation: 50476
Quote:
Originally Posted by OverItAll View Post
OK this tells us more.
If you've been neighbors for six years, are neighborly with the Mother and you both speak, I would think this is probably not a serious situation. Hard to conceive that for six years you wouldn't have noticed/heard something else amiss, were it happening regularly.

I'm an old hand housewife and Mother, been raising kids since 1982-present (last one just turned 18), always in nice suburban 'hoods and I have known more than a few spoiled, out of hand and horridly behaved, difficult to control children. I've seen kids kick and hit their Mothers, throw food at their Mothers and all sorts of behaviors my children would've been terrified to attempt.

So my thought after the new data presented is this boy may be a really difficult, wild Indian type and the Mother not the physical chastisement type, is resorting to a "timeout" so she can gather herself before she flips out on him. With four others including wee infant twins she has to be at her limit. Perhaps the outdoor timeout is because he will go nuts if confined to his room, destroy the room etc. I have seen kids do this. I have an overindulged granddaughter aged almost 4 who will urinate on the floor if placed in her room for a timeout (been trained since 19mos), will then open the door and THROW the wet underpants into the hallway while gleefully announcing she has done so.

My guess as to why you didn't witness her doing this with the eldest is she didn't have five children when the eldest was 3 y/o. Or the eldest was an obedient child.
Interesting post. I'm also an empty nester after raising my kids.

My first bolded part - my kids didn't refrain from hitting and kicking me because they were terrified to do so, but rather, they really didn't want to. Maybe I just was lucky (I mean that sincerely) but my children also never said I hate you, or anything like that. They weren't always happy with my decisions, but they never hated me or assaulted me.

Second bolded part - I don't know her situation, but I've never seen a child act like that except children in foster care, or children who have gone through another trauma like a divorce. Have they considered seeking counseling for her?

Best wishes. You just do the best you can, I guess.
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Old 10-14-2017, 01:03 AM
 
1,717 posts, read 1,668,973 times
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Nothing from the last two days, I haven't heard anything from next door. It's odd that I never hear the babies crying, either but maybe that's because their garage / kitchen / dining is closest to us and their bedrooms are on the other side.

She has family in the area and her mom is always over there to help. Next time I hear anything I will go knock on her door and ask her.

One time her two oldest kids were playing in the front by themselves and the older girl got her foot stuck in her bike gears. She couldn't move and the bike was on top of her. I saw her from our front yard (I was gardening or some such) and went over and saw she really was hurt. They were both out there without a parent. I told the little boy to go get his daddy. He did and the dad just shoved the foot out and somehow it was all fine. But I told the little boy if your older sister is hurt you run and get your mom or dad.

That's the only time I interacted with the kids in any way. Other than wait for them to clear my driveway to pull my car in.
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