Wife wants to buy plane ticket for her parents (breastfeed, babysitter, infant)
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A nanny? Having parents come and help? You said it yourself, your wife is a stay at home mom. How much help does she need? My wife and I raised, are raising 6 kids. My wife has for the most part worked nights while I work days. We have never had someone help us with the kids. Her mom died when she was a kid and her dad moved back to Mexico. She was raised by her brother and sister in law. My parents could not help at the time and for the past 14 years have lived in Arizona.
Our oldest is 25 and our youngest is 11. We did it all on our own.
OP travels 12-15 days per month, as stated in first post. That means OP is likely tired when he is home and isn't able to help as much as otherwise would be able to. And obviously offer zero help when on the road. I am in a similar situation and while it seems insane to some for a SAHM to want help, I can completely relate as I am away a lot and when I am not, I work crazy hours. When we have our second, we will need help as well.
I just now told her that I will pay for her mother's plane ticket. Without even blinking or showing any appreciation, she states well lets just think about it because it might be better for a nanny to be taking care of my wife and the baby. I am beyond disbelief on how spoiled she is... I told my wife about how we didn't have any issue with our first born, but she says she was younger then (she is still very young at 30!!!) and didn't know much about nannies until she started talking with her other spoiled friends.
Oh boy, the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. If she needs a nanny, she'd better be going back to work. You've created a monster. Good Luck
I just now told her that I will pay for her mother's plane ticket. Without even blinking or showing any appreciation, she states well lets just think about it because it might be better for a nanny to be taking care of my wife and the baby. I am beyond disbelief on how spoiled she is... I told my wife about how we didn't have any issue with our first born, but she says she was younger then (she is still very young at 30!!!) and didn't know much about nannies until she started talking with her other spoiled friends.
Yes, I sense an ongoing power struggle dynamic in the relationship! Power struggles are never about what is being argued about. My suggestion would be to sit down with your wife and ask her what she really wants, what she is feeling bad about, really listen to her and see what she says. My guess is that something else will come out, other than she just wants a nanny. She's probably feeling resentment (as are you), frustrated (as are you), misunderstood (as are you), stuck or trapped in some way and so she's grasping at something to ease her feelings. Just really listen to her, without trying to get anything from her or give anything to her, don't try to fix anything, don't try to be right, just listen, and my guess is the real problem will start to arise.
This just makes relationships so much easier, when you get to the actual problem that's causing the conflict...which is not the visible one. She might not be capable of this herself, because if she was, she would see that your conflicts with are at least partially rooted in money issues due to a childhood of poverty, that her behavior is triggering those issues for you. But someone has to have the greater self awareness in the relationship, otherwise the conflicts never end and will actually grow.
Btw, she received an advice about the nanny from her friend who is even afraid to drive so in the past, her friends who lived nearby had to pick up a grown and capable woman to go to a play date.
Everything in life has a cost. Run a honest pro vs con cost benefit/risk and you will likely find a total picture. She will need more help in the first 6 months.
everybody is going to have their own personal opinions about this.. i am not sure you will get a consensus one way or the other. Personally i wouldn't think 3k is that big of a deal in the LONG RUN. Of course it could open up more scenarios that might cost you as well. I would try to find a happy medium... split the cost?
everybody is going to have their own personal opinions about this.. i am not sure you will get a consensus one way or the other. Personally i wouldn't think 3k is that big of a deal in the LONG RUN. Of course it could open up more scenarios that might cost you as well. I would try to find a happy medium... split the cost?
I actually did just that and now she changed her mind and wants a nanny instead...I think I'm going to stand my ground on this one to pay for her moms ticket to spend couple of weeks(has to go back to work) and my mom to spend 3-4 weeks.
Oh boy, the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. If she needs a nanny, she'd better be going back to work. You've created a monster. Good Luck
Exactly! There are many more years to come so what will be the next demand? Nip the problem in the bud and send her to see a counselor. At her age, she should have grown up by now.
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