Anyone out there have a teen with Oppositional Defiance Disorder? (divorced, baby)

[montanamom]

It has taken me 18 years to finally admit there is something really wrong with my daughter, (and always has been). I believe I have finally figured out what the problem is, and it is crushing to realize it. I believe she has Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I am not one for all this "disorder" stuff, and I hate doctors, but after discovering a description of this on the internet today and reading about it, I just can't deny it anymore. This child is extremely smart, but will not be graduating with her Senior class come this June because of her behavior problems, and it is heartbreaking. She has made our home life almost unbearable, and I am desperate for advice. She has uncontrollable outbursts, has called me every curse word in the book, and seems to feel absolutely no remorse or accountability for her behavior. She is right now suspended for the next two days due to cussing out a teacher at school. Her girlfriends do NOT act like this, so it is not the crowd she runs around with, they are all graduating with good grades. We have tried everything we know how to do. I am a good person, working hard full-time, and a single mother with another, younger child who does not get enough of my attention because of all the drama this child causes (she's not really a child anymore at 18). I have not even considered letting this child drive, although all of ther friends now are, due to her impulsive behavior - unfortunately the ultimate consequences of her actions never seem to phase her. She blames others, lies, and manipulates people. The stress is beginning to effect my ability to do a good job at work.

I have ALWAYS had problems like this with her since pre-school! I always have just hoped and prayed she would grow up and out of it. She refuses to take any of the blame or let me seek help for her - I am tempted to take my other child and run, leaving her on the street corner somewhere! This is so heartbreaking, she was a beautiful baby and is a gorgeous girl, but I am just worn out and feel I'm on the verge of a meltdown. My ex has washed his hands of her, he has tried everything to help as well, all to no avail. I refuse to believe my being divorced is the cause, we had problems with her even when we were still married. We have all tried to show her love and support, her grandparents would do anything for her and have offered help, she has been raised in a loving environment. I've tried, I really have! But I need a life too, and right now, I don't have one.

Please help if you can! If you have had any experience at all with this or know someone who has, or have suggestions, I would appreciate it so much.

Thanks

[HappyNCGirl]

My daughter was exactly the same as yours. Nothing worked for us. To make a very long story short....her cure came after she was evaluated by Dr. Diana Dell, head of Womens Health at a very prestigous hospital in NC. Dr. Dell is an authority on the subject of hormonal issues, anxiety disorders, etc.

After evaluating my daughter (at the age of 23), Dr. Dell diagnosed her with an anxiety disorder, depression, and a hormonal imbalance issue. A proper mix of medication has helped my daughter to be a fantastic, delightful person. She's 28 now, a wonderful mother - truly a miracle!

Once she was able to get her emotional health on even keel, she was able to straighten out the rest of her life.

Good luck, stay strong, and don't ever give up hope.

[montanamom]

Thanks so much for the information, and the kind words of support. I really need them about now! Unfortunately, I'm still unsure how to convince my daughter she actually needs help. I get a severe backlash every time I bring the subject up.

Would you mind sending me a PM with the hospital's name? I actually moved FROM North Carolina just two years ago, but my mother still lives near Charlotte, and we have family in the Raliegh area as well. I'm moving back in that direction this summer. I need to act soon. I sure can't take another couple of years like this!

[montanamom]

That's OK HappyNCgirl, just got it off the internet. Much appreciated.

[FarNorthDallas]

You might check the forum at conductdisorders dot com which is a forum for parents of kids with ODD and other issues. Have you read The Explosive Child? That's a good book. I don't have a child with ODD, but knew the former owner of the conductdisorders website. It's a great site.

[montanamom]

Thank you so much FarNorthDallas for the information. I will most definitely check out the website you recommended and look for a copy of that book online. I need all the resources I can find right now, anything that will give me a better understanding of how I might be able to help my child start to achieve some measure of success. A heartfelt thanks to all who took the time to respond.