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Children mimic to learn and kids will copy as a mode of learning and socialization i.e. to fit into a peer group. Sometimes this can veer into a new territory where one person will copy another person who's considered a role model, then take it to an extreme. Maybe it's a way to try on an identity as part of forming self identity (maybe child psychologists can chime in here?) but it can turn into copying everything another person does or wants.
I'm not sure if this is a "boys more tolerant v. girls of this behavior", or a matter of your kid noticing this and deciding for himself how much he's bothered by this behavior. Why not ask your son what he thinks of this friendship without adding any judgment and see what your son says?
I think that is all true and normal to an extent. However I thought this boy crossed the line. I guess most here don't agree with that. My son is sometimes annoyed by the competitiveness the boy displays but otherwise doesn't seem to notice what I notice. He told me he was anxious when his friend said he wanted him to meet his boyfriend... this friend has been homophobic and a bit mocking. It just feels like he only likes my son when he can copy something.
All kids are copycats. When you walk through a high school, they're pretty much dressed in groupings, copying each other in their social group.
I'm curious - what's bothering you about this relationship where you call the boy a "frenemy"?
When other kids have copied my kids, I kind of think great . . . my kid is a leader and is admired!
It isn't just stealing the girl he thought my son had a crush on, to list a few:
They play the same sport and attend the same clubs. If my son has an idea this friend will try to take credit for it.
If my son is winning at anything this friend is never happy for him and just wants to come first.
I remember when they were younger and my son wanted a birthday party his friend arranged a different party for the same day! Maybe it is all in my head but the friendship does not look right.
I've heard this friend say sly things about my son's sexuality and now he wants to meet his boyfriend... Again I may cynical but I don't think he is going to be good.
I find it strange and if I had a girl friend like that at that age I don't think we'd be friends for long. Are boys just more tolerant of this? And has anyone else experienced it?
I've seen it, to varying extents, in not just other kids but sometimes my own & even between siblings. Sometimes kids lead, sometimes they follow & sometimes they emerge to lead after cautiously following for a bit.
However, I don't believe I've seen a pattern continue for a whole decade; that part strikes me as a bit odd.
At any rate; he's 15 & that's when I go "mouth shut/eyes open", at least until I had something more solid to go on.
It isn't just stealing the girl he thought my son had a crush on, to list a few:
They play the same sport and attend the same clubs. If my son has an idea this friend will try to take credit for it.
If my son is winning at anything this friend is never happy for him and just wants to come first.
I remember when they were younger and my son wanted a birthday party his friend arranged a different party for the same day! Maybe it is all in my head but the friendship does not look right.
I've heard this friend say sly things about my son's sexuality and now he wants to meet his boyfriend... Again I may cynical but I don't think he is going to be good.
You're the one with the son dating the boy you don't like?
I think you have to accept your son isn't you and has different tastes to you.
If this boy is so bad he won't be his friend for long.
You're the one with the son dating the boy you don't like?
I think you have to accept your son isn't you and has different tastes to you.
If this boy is so bad he won't be his friend for long.
I suspect that the copycat is gay and has a huge crush on your son. But he has been trained by his parents to think that gay is wrong. That's why all the mixed signals. He's a very confused child.
It's normal, male, female, old, young, to have the pack leader set the tone, the fashion, the beliefs of the followers. Your son appears to be a leader.
I don't think copy catting is a mentally healthy habit as one gets older.
No it isn't. It has made me think of the expression "Keeping up with the Joneses" though... I suppose many adults actually do the same thing.
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