Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-23-2017, 03:51 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,096 posts, read 107,233,376 times
Reputation: 115906

Advertisements

OP, first and foremost, you need to get yourself to a safe place. Move in with your dad's parents; they're the ones who said they'd take you, right? Just DO IT. Let the authorities sort it out. Keep going to school. AFTER you've moved your main stuff (clothes, computer, whatever is most iimportant to you) in with your grandma, tell the school counselor you've had to move in with your gran, because of severe abuse and your mom distributing nude photos of you. Be sure to discuss this with your gran, so she can back you up when the counselor calls her. Your school needs to know where you're living, and who your current guardian is--who the responsible adult is, providing your care, so let the counselor know your address has changed, and why.

You're 16. Statutory rape no longer applies, so forget about it. Don't worry about it. Your dad won't go to jail, either. If any kind of court case results, which it may not, the worst that would happen is that a social worker or Social Security would contact your dad about support payments. Don't worry about this, this is not your concern. Your safety is your concern!
Call your dad or grandma today, and say you want, NEED, urgently to move in with your gran ASAP. Pack a suitcase and take a bus if no one can drive you, but do this when your mom's out of the house.

You have the right to be safe. You have the right to do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe. Really, you have the obligation to yourself to keep yourself safe, to the extent humanly possible. Take action NOW! The rest of it will sort itself out. It won't be as bad as you're worrying about; you're doing what is called "catastrophizing"--your mind is creating a panic scenario, that all these bad things will happen to everyone else, like a domino effect, if you dare to stick up for yourself and get to a safe place. This scary scenario will not happen. It's just your fears. Calm yourself down (take very slow, deep breaths with your eyes closed for a couple of minutes), then call your gran.

Please stay in touch with us here.

P.S. If your mom took your phone, borrow a phone from someone at school. Call your gran from school. Maybe she or your dad or someone could pick you up from school and take you to your gran's house.

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-23-2017 at 04:35 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-24-2017, 08:21 AM
 
9,511 posts, read 5,380,048 times
Reputation: 9092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, first and foremost, you need to get yourself to a safe place. Move in with your dad's parents; they're the ones who said they'd take you, right? Just DO IT. Let the authorities sort it out. Keep going to school. AFTER you've moved your main stuff (clothes, computer, whatever is most iimportant to you) in with your grandma, tell the school counselor you've had to move in with your gran, because of severe abuse and your mom distributing nude photos of you. Be sure to discuss this with your gran, so she can back you up when the counselor calls her. Your school needs to know where you're living, and who your current guardian is--who the responsible adult is, providing your care, so let the counselor know your address has changed, and why.

You're 16. Statutory rape no longer applies, so forget about it. Don't worry about it. Your dad won't go to jail, either. If any kind of court case results, which it may not, the worst that would happen is that a social worker or Social Security would contact your dad about support payments. Don't worry about this, this is not your concern. Your safety is your concern!
Call your dad or grandma today, and say you want, NEED, urgently to move in with your gran ASAP. Pack a suitcase and take a bus if no one can drive you, but do this when your mom's out of the house.

You have the right to be safe. You have the right to do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe. Really, you have the obligation to yourself to keep yourself safe, to the extent humanly possible. Take action NOW! The rest of it will sort itself out. It won't be as bad as you're worrying about; you're doing what is called "catastrophizing"--your mind is creating a panic scenario, that all these bad things will happen to everyone else, like a domino effect, if you dare to stick up for yourself and get to a safe place. This scary scenario will not happen. It's just your fears. Calm yourself down (take very slow, deep breaths with your eyes closed for a couple of minutes), then call your gran.

Please stay in touch with us here.

P.S. If your mom took your phone, borrow a phone from someone at school. Call your gran from school. Maybe she or your dad or someone could pick you up from school and take you to your gran's house.
This is stellar Ruth. Angela you really need to do this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2017, 10:58 AM
 
5,989 posts, read 6,738,563 times
Reputation: 18485
This is too much for you to handle, and it doesn't sound like a safe place for your little sister, either. You need to tell. Is your father's parents' home really a safe place for you? Meaning that there is not drug or alcohol abuse, or dealing, or any possibility that anyone there could molest you? If so, then perhaps going there would be best for you, for the moment. But that won't protect your little sister, and your mother could show up wherever you go, and behave violently.

I think that everyone would be better off if you told the social worker at school what is going on. Do it in the morning first thing tomorrow morning. Yes, they're going to call DCF. A worker will probably come to the school. You will not go back to your mother's house until DCF is sure that it's a safe place for you. You can ask DCF to take you to your father's parents. If it's a safe place for you, that is likely where you will wind up, anyway.

Don't worry about child support. That's something for the courts to figure out. If you and your boyfriend are close in age (meaning no more than 2-3 years apart), there won't be a statutory rape issue. The nude pix could be a problem for your mother, but it's unlikely that any prosecutor will bring charges against her for that. Your boyfriend could be in trouble if he asked you to send them, and showed them to others, or sent them to others, but from what you say, that didn't happen.

In any event, you just are too young to handle this yourself. No matter what you may have done wrong, you don't deserve to be treated violently like this. It's time to tell an adult at school, for your sake, and for your little sister's sake.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2017, 11:47 AM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,837,775 times
Reputation: 24135
This is not me trying to be mean...but I just wish I could read your posts. As a grown daughter of a sick and twisted abusive mom, I might be able to help. But I don't understand why/how you can write in the style you do.

Not a personal attack...you just might get more replies if you type in a more traditional style.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2017, 12:22 PM
 
16,715 posts, read 19,338,325 times
Reputation: 41482
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enduringwone View Post
actually, you and your mother can get into huge trouble for those nude pics!
No, she cannot. This girl is a victim.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2017, 01:23 PM
 
4,483 posts, read 9,260,901 times
Reputation: 5769
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angela Garcia View Post
Hello,
So I would like to ask is what my mom doing wrong or do I just simply deserve it ...let me explain

I'm 16 years old and a junior in high school and my mom and dad are divorced. I have a strong relationship with my dad. For as long as I could remember me and my mom have had a horrible relationship and even more now. My mom has always had a bad attitude with a pretty face that got her nowhere with the three dads of her children. I myself am not Perfect but not horrible as my mom makes me feel.

Once my mom grounded me when I was in 4th grade. (I forgot why.) We lived with my grandma who never thought my moms punishments were fair, so once my mom had left for school my grandma told me I could watch tv and she would warn me when my mom got home. She didn't, so my mom came in my room and started hitting me. When she hits me it's not just a slap to the hand or face. She will pull my hair till I'm on the ground, drag me, stomp on me, grab anything within distance and hit me with it, punch me, call me a ***** ,****,hoe, say she hates me and is tired of me, etc. I always end up with marks after she's done, and this has been happening for years. Well that night she busted my lip, and the next morning before school she told me that if a teacher asked what happened I had to say that I was playing and got hurt, so I did.

She once beat me when I was in 3rd because she had taught me for the first time how to turn on the shower, but I quickly forgot the next morning. I asked my grandma to help me and my mom walked in and got very angry and just started hitting me. I was grounded at least once a month. I was terrified of my mom.

I have never done anything bad until now which is why I don't know if it's just my fault. I have a boyfriend who I've been with for 4 years. (My mom thinks 1 year because I was never allowed to go out with him when I was younger.) His mom loved me and wanted us to go out together ,so we made the dumb decision for him to come over during the summer while my mom was at work. My younger sister who is ten would be with us, and we never did anything we weren't supposed to. He would come for about 3 hours then leave to football practice. He would come 3 times a week. When we eventually decided to have sex we made sure my sister didn't know about it.

I would also send nude photos to him. He would delete them because his parents check his phone, but my mom found out. She started beating me with a piñata stick till it broke, making me bleed, and leaving bruises and welts on my arm and leg. She sent my nude photos to both my grandmas, my Tia, and my boyfriend's mom. She took everything she bought me, banned me from talking to my sister, dad, and grandma.

Everyone is telling me that what she's doing is wrong and to tell the police, but I'm scared because it will affect everyone else. My sister can get taken away from my mom, my dad can go to jail because he hasn't paid child support, my boyfriend and I will get charged for statutory rape and sexting and he will lose his scholarships, etc. They tell me they don't care if they get in trouble and that they only care about my safety.

When this happened my grandma (from my dad's side) told my mom to give me to her, that if she hates me so much and is going to treat me like this that I would be better off with people who love me. My mom said that she ain't getting the easy way out, that she's going to make my life hell. She has told me things like, "You think you were miserable? I'm really going to make it miserable now," and "Watch your back, because I'm your worst enemy."

I honestly don't feel like she's a mother who's getting mad at me but a girl who doesn't like me because she does things like bump me, say ugly stuff, do things a teenage girl would do to a girl they hate. I don't have my phone and no communication with the people who I love most (my dad and his family). I can't even talk to my sister who lives in the same house. We have to sneak and talk.

They say I'm depressed, but I don't know if I'm wrong or my mom is. What can I do ??
I cleaned it up a little for clarity.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2017, 02:16 PM
 
173 posts, read 134,389 times
Reputation: 334
Quote:
Originally Posted by sll3454 View Post
I cleaned it up a little for clarity.
That is extremely helpful... many pages in.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2017, 03:45 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,837,775 times
Reputation: 24135
OP - you deserve to be safe. I don't think you are going to get into trouble, I think its a threat to keep you quiet. I also had a mother who acted me like a teenage girl that hated me. It was like living with your high school bully. I covered for her so much to keep her safe. I felt like no one would believe me...and I was well trained to keep her safe.

I am now in my 30s and finally am telling my story. And people believe me. People will believe you. Its scary, but this is not you, this is her. The same is hers. Be braver then I was and ask for help.

Do you have a trusted teacher? Or a friend's parent? Someone who will come with you to CPS or to the police station? It sounds like you do have people who know and are willing to speak on your behalf.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-27-2017, 05:20 PM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
385 posts, read 203,251 times
Reputation: 1512
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
No, she cannot. This girl is a victim.
yes she can.

I know what I speak of, I have worked in family and criminal courts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-27-2017, 10:07 PM
 
1,500 posts, read 1,763,447 times
Reputation: 2033
Sweetie, you need to tell a teacher or counselor about this. You will not get in trouble. She will get investigated and you will likely be removed from your home so look into people that could legally take you. If you continue to live in this environment you'll suffer lifelong issues beyond what may already exist from being around such dysfunction.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top