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It's no longer 1950 where women are to get married and start pumping out babies the day after high school graduation. The women I know with careers have either no children or one child - two tops. Every woman I know who has more than 2 kids stayed home - most never had a career. I know one whose goal in life was always to be a mom.....she never wanted to work. Lucky for her that she found someone that felt like she does - a woman's place is home, barefoot & pregnant in the kitchen. Yup, she's a baby factory. He ever leaves or dies, she's going to have one heck of a mess on her hands.
If your friend is happy with her life, why are you judgmental about it? And do you know for a fact that they have not made any provisions for the family in case of death of the father?
I am a stay-at-home parent and know many women who are stay-at-home parents; it's not so nice to think that people assume that the reason we don't work is because we believe "a woman's place is home" or that it's any business of theirs how many children we have.
I am childfree and I read threads on this forum related to choosing to have children or not, which is relevant. I would never take part in anything else, having no experience or interest. If the subject is relevant, I'm in. I think PV's ire is too broad or something.
I come out as CF because I want to encourage the lurkers who think they're "supposed to have kids" or who are wrestling with their lack of interest in having them. There is little support and a lot of stigma, at least for woman, for sure. It is like "coming out.".
I doubt you'll find what you're looking for in parenting topics. I do not feel sorry for you and don't see you as a victim. There is no stigma anymore surrounding being "childfree".
. Yup, she's a baby factory. He ever leaves or dies, she's going to have one heck of a mess on her hands.
Ever heard of life insurance? She'll probably do quite well if they have a good policy and he dies. As for divorce, she'd likely get child support and get to keep the house. So you may not get that chance you seem to be looking for, to see her suffer if her husband leaves or dies.
I know a woman whose husband died of cancer and they had good life insurance. She has two children and doesn't have to work! At least not, for a long time. She gets to stay home with her kids and be a SAHM.
At any rate, it's none of our business if a woman (or man, for that matter) chooses to be a stay at home parent. It's their business only.
Not to mention how derogatory and sexist it is to refer to a woman as a "baby factory".
Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 10-31-2017 at 12:15 PM..
If your friend is happy with her life, why are you judgmental about it? And do you know for a fact that they have not made any provisions for the family in case of death of the father?
I am a stay-at-home parent and know many women who are stay-at-home parents; it's not so nice to think that people assume that the reason we don't work is because we believe "a woman's place is home" or that it's any business of theirs how many children we have.
Notice I didn't say she was happy being a baby factory? I also didn't say she was happy at all.
I do know he has life insurance and how much, but that's not going to take care of everything. It's not going to last forever either.
She has a kid every 2 years. She's up to 4 so far. She keeps saying she doesn't want anymore, but her husband decides how many kids they will have. He wants at least 6. She's had major health issues during the delivery - a clotting issue that can kill her and almost did.
I didn't say anything about you. I am speaking about one person specifically. I know she's not happy, but she's stuck....just like it's 1950. If something happened tomorrow, could you get a job - one that would actually cover all of the bills? That's the really hard thing for so many who are stay at home moms.
She has no skills and hasn't worked in over 10 years. She only worked retail after high school. So what kind of job would she be able to find to pay for a house that has a mortgage well over a quarter million dollars, car loans, student loans, daycare, after school care for the older kids, all of the extracurriculars they're in? She has said she has no idea what she would do if something happened and he left her. Many women today will not allow themselves to be in that position.
Ever heard of life insurance? She'll probably do quite well if they have a good policy and he dies. As for divorce, she'd likely get child support and get to keep the house. So you may not get that chance you seem to be looking for, to see her suffer if her husband leaves or dies.
I know a woman whose husband died of cancer and they had good life insurance. She has two children and doesn't have to work! At least not, for a long time. She gets to stay home with her kids and be a SAHM.
At any rate, it's none of our business if a woman (or man, for that matter) chooses to be a stay at home parent. It's their business only.
Not to mention how derogatory and sexist it is to refer to a woman as a "baby factory".
Yes, I have heard of life insurance and I know how much there is on him. It's not enough to pay off everything and support the family for any length of time.
You're dreaming if you think she'd get the house in a divorce. She can't pay for it! Collecting child support isn't as easy as it sounds either. I don't wish for her to suffer at all....no idea where you got that idea from! She's the one who says she's screwed if he ever leaves her. She knows how deep in it she is.
I didn't say it was my business that she's a SAHM. She talks to me about it because she's jealous that I went out and had a career and my own business. She's never been able to do that. She didn't want that when she was 18. She just wanted a bunch of kids. She's learned that having a pile of kids isn't all it's cracked up to be especially when your husband decides it's time for another one.
It's sexist for a woman to say another woman is a baby factory? Even she says she's a baby factory! What you have a kid every 2 years like clockwork, what else would most people call it?
You've got some serious issues PV. You've been on the attack several times on this thread and others. Maybe have a Snickers or Twix and lighten up.
Yes, I have heard of life insurance and I know how much there is on him. It's not enough to pay off everything and support the family for any length of time.
You're dreaming if you think she'd get the house in a divorce. She can't pay for it! Collecting child support isn't as easy as it sounds either. I don't wish for her to suffer at all....no idea where you got that idea from! She's the one who says she's screwed if he ever leaves her. She knows how deep in it she is.
I didn't say it was my business that she's a SAHM. She talks to me about it because she's jealous that I went out and had a career and my own business. She's never been able to do that. She didn't want that when she was 18. She just wanted a bunch of kids. She's learned that having a pile of kids isn't all it's cracked up to be especially when your husband decides it's time for another one.
I think you are way, way overly involved in the financial (and reproductive) affairs of someone else, where it doesn't concern you at all. And if she's so horrible and jealous of you, why do you stay in touch with her? Good grief. Just let it go. None of her life choices affects you at all. With that great career of yours, you should be too busy to notice what she's doing.
I agree, you are way too invested in this situation. If your friend wanted to change her life, she could. For example, if the big issue is having babies, then she should quietly go to her ob/gyn and get semi-permanent birth control, such as a copper IUD. "Gee, I don't know why I can't seem to get pregnant any more."
The fact is, she doesn't really want anything to change, she doesn't really want your life either, she just wants someone to b*tch to.
By the way, when someone is described as a "baby factory" with a "pile of kids," it's a bit of a letdown to find out she only has four kids. I mean, that's a little bigger than the average family, but it's hardly Duggar-worthy.
Notice I didn't say she was happy being a baby factory? I also didn't say she was happy at all.
I do know he has life insurance and how much, but that's not going to take care of everything. It's not going to last forever either.
She has a kid every 2 years. She's up to 4 so far. She keeps saying she doesn't want anymore, but her husband decides how many kids they will have. He wants at least 6. She's had major health issues during the delivery - a clotting issue that can kill her and almost did.
I didn't say anything about you. I am speaking about one person specifically. I know she's not happy, but she's stuck....just like it's 1950. If something happened tomorrow, could you get a job - one that would actually cover all of the bills? That's the really hard thing for so many who are stay at home moms.
She has no skills and hasn't worked in over 10 years. She only worked retail after high school. So what kind of job would she be able to find to pay for a house that has a mortgage well over a quarter million dollars, car loans, student loans, daycare, after school care for the older kids, all of the extracurriculars they're in? She has said she has no idea what she would do if something happened and he left her. Many women today will not allow themselves to be in that position.
We have strayed away from the original topic but I might as well add my two cents. I know someone in the same situation, she worries about what will happen to her and the kids if something should happen to her husband. She has no work history and is completely dependent on him. He controls the home. They don’t use birth control so they will probably have more children. I don’t understand in 2017 how a woman allows herself to get in that position. She shares her concerns with all of the mothers in the neighborhood. She expresses her unhappiness but hasn’t done anything as of yet to change her circumstances. To each their own but it’s not for me.
I think you are way, way overly involved in the financial (and reproductive) affairs of someone else, where it doesn't concern you at all. And if she's so horrible and jealous of you, why do you stay in touch with her? Good grief. Just let it go. None of her life choices affects you at all. With that great career of yours, you should be too busy to notice what she's doing.
She's my sister-in-law! I didn't ask her about her financial status. Where did I say she was horrible? She's jealous of me having a career - something she never did.
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I am speaking about one person specifically. I know she's not happy, but she's stuck....just like it's 1950. If something happened tomorrow, could you get a job - one that would actually cover all of the bills? That's the really hard thing for so many who are stay at home moms. 
Even she says she's a baby factory! 
