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Those of us who perceived our parents as unhappy with their situation might try to avoid falling into the same trap. Of course, some people just love kids and absolutely want them. But those who are not child-centered or on the fence (and would rather spend their time and money on things they enjoy) will often choose a child-free life.
As for marriage in general, with many women being career-oriented and self-supporting, marriage is no longer an economic necessity. Several of the young women I know see it as a detriment to be legally tied to someone and not be able to do their own thing. Maybe that'll change as they get older, or maybe not.
If both your kids (male & female) were in their mid thirties and did not want to get married or have kids, would you think that was unusual as a parent? Would you assume it was something you did that made them chose that path?
Maybe you should just ask them why they don’t want to get married.
If both your kids (male & female) were in their mid thirties and did not want to get married or have kids, would you think that was unusual as a parent? Would you assume it was something you did that made them chose that path?
Hubby and I have 4 kids. My son, from my first marriage, is 45 and has been living with a woman and her two children for about 8 years. She will not get married until both her children are grown, and she told him from the start that the baby factory was closed. They seem very happy.
Truthfully, my son is a bit different, and I am grateful he found someone who loves him. Do I think my son is the way he is because of me? No. He is a lot like his father.
My brother is 39 and isn't interested in giving up his freewheeling lifestyle (bars, golf, world travel at a whim) to have kids.
I am married with 2 kids and think it's so much fun and would not trade them for anything.
Same parents, different outcome.
[And there's no way you could blame the dynamics of our parents influencing choices re: gender, because my mother definitely got the short end of that stick.]
The biggest difference between me and my brother is that he is a completely self-absorbed person who can barely take care of himself.
He was the baby and was DEFINITELY babied from day one bc of a lung issue he had early on. Maybe the current trend not to get married and have kids has something to do with the babying and helicopter parenting the the current child bearing population had to deal with.
If both your kids (male & female) were in their mid thirties and did not want to get married or have kids, would you think that was unusual as a parent? Would you assume it was something you did that made them chose that path?
My son is 31, no children in his future, so he says. If he changes his mind, it would probably be adoption. He is the last male to pass along his family name.
My daughter will be 30 in January. Has a bf, but no talk of marriage in her future. I think she may like to have kids one day, but right now, it's not in the near future for her either.
Should neither of them have kids, I would support their decision, it's their life, not mine. I'm not the one who has to raise kids in this screwed up world we have. People who don't want to have kids shouldn't, no matter how we may think they could be wonderful parents, or missing out.
I was lucky that my Mother lived close when my kids were born, and growing up. My kids live in other states than I do and would not have that kind of support.
I can say I would never think the reason my kids wouldn't want children is because of me. I was a hands on Mom, took my kids to school each day (they graduated with perfect attendance) let the kids make their own decisions about the schools they wanted to attend and have supported both of them in anything they did. Both of them have been living on their own since college and doing well. I couldn't be happier, or more proud of them both.
Like I said, their lives, their decisions and I'm good with whatever they decide.
We are siblings (32, 34, and 35). None of have children or want children. My two brothers (32 and 35) don't want to get married. I just got married one year ago.
There is nothing wrong with this. It is actually becoming more common. As long as they are happy that's all that matters.
If both your kids (male & female) were in their mid thirties and did not want to get married or have kids, would you think that was unusual as a parent? Would you assume it was something you did that made them chose that path?
No I would not think that was unusual.
And yes I would feel it was due to something I did that made them choose that path. I would assume that I succeeded in raising children who have enough self confidence and independence to choose their own path in life and that they don't need to adhere to societal norms to feel successful and content.
Rich people have kids. Poor people have kids. People in debt do not. Perhaps you encouraged them to go to college without providing them the funds to do so. I'm a millennial and most of my friends choosing not to start families, use "personal choice" as a euphemism for "up to my eyeballs in debt".
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