Sibling gifts at a second baby shower? (pregnancy, child, twins)

[mondayafternoons]

Originally Posted by hunterseat

Once I invited my son's young friend to a movie with us and his mother insisted her younger son be invited, too, or my son's friend couldn't go. Sheesh.

Also, there's a culture (Hawaii) in which a child's first birthday be A HUGE celebration. I was invited to one at a convention hall they rented and there (as at most b'day parties there) a donation box is prominent for cash gifts. I guess it's expected and they rake it in.

Wonder if they will accept an "Aloha!" or a flower lei in lieu of cash

[mondayafternoons]

Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla

I was shamed about not bringing a sibling gift to a another child's birthday one time. Sorry if that's the new etiquette these days, but I'm not going to participate.

Wow, please tell.... the parent actually shamed you? I would've said I wasn't feeling well and left early

[mondayafternoons]

Originally Posted by ss20ts

You were shamed? Get out! That's beyond ABSURB! I would have taken my gift and left. I wouldn't bother with those folks again....don't care if they're family....they're certainly not friends.

You want a gift for your kid? Buy one! And I say this as someone who doesn't have children and my SIL has 4 children and demands individual gifts for everyone at Christmas. I don't play that game. I started doing a family gift when she hit 3 kids and she got pissy. We no longer exchange gifts. Gift grabbing has gotten so out of control.

Omg I know how you feel exactly, someone I know has four kids and for me to buy four seperate gifts for those kids, on top of he close people I will not neglect to, it was pretty much the same thing I experienced..i suppose if she had gone on to have 2 or 3 more kids she would've been pissy towards me for not buying 7 seperate holiday gifts-- sorry, I'm not an ATM.

[mondayafternoons]

Some years back I got an invite to a baby shower for the same person whom I had attended her first shower only barely 20 months prior. The date of the shower was over the weekend my birthday was. I had made plans several weeks in advance with a friend who invited me to go to a theme park she knew i especially enjoyed for my bday with her, and our two kids in tow, I was really excited looking forward to it. I rsvp'd to the name of the person who was hosting the Godzilla moms baby shower-- I did what he invite asked- to rsvp. I called 'Jenny' and politely told her that I was sorry I wouldn't be able to make it to **this shower this time around and she said "Really?? You aren't going to attend her BABYS shower??" The woman was a flying monkey for the mother, unbelievably rude, she queried why might I not be coming and how btw disappointed she knew the mother would feel. I told her it was my birthday and I had already had big plans in place, so sorry I can't, thank you, goodbye.
"Okay.... well I know she will be really disappointed you "won't" come..."

True story, shortly after my phone rang-- it was the Godzilla mom to be - "Jenny called and said your not gonna come to Jonahs shower" ( name she planned to name him after he was born) oh BROTHER!! Trying to use emotional blackmail by referring to it as "his shower " demanded to know (why didn't I just hang up on her- ! Wish looking back I would've just hung up on such outright rudeness) why I wasn't going to "his shower"-- I told her I'm sure Jenny told you... I guess you forgot, but anyways it's my birthday. And that is special , a friend and I have big plans already from weeks ago."

Her reply was to start balling and say she was just so sad that I didn't care about "Jonah" and someday when he was older she would have to let him know I didn't want to celebrate his shower. Then she finished by saying to me that "besides your grown and birthdays are FOR KIDS... so why is it such a big deal for you to have to celebrate right on your birthday- seems like you could cancel that to come to the shower, it's not like your a little kid.

I don't speak to her anymore. She went on to have one more shower a couple years later, I heard.. I felt so happy I didn't have to deal with the friend who sent the last shower invites and then acts as almost a bouncer telling off apparently anyone who rsvp's they can't make it.

Our society has gotten so disgustingly selfish and narcissistic

[OnOurWayHome]

Originally Posted by FrankMiller

You lost me at "second shower".

Agreed.

If friends want to buy you clothes because the second baby is a different gender, it's a nice gesture. But you're throwing yourself a shower and expecting gifts for the sibling? Tacky.

[ss20ts]

Originally Posted by mondayafternoons

Omg I know how you feel exactly, someone I know has four kids and for me to buy four seperate gifts for those kids, on top of he close people I will not neglect to, it was pretty much the same thing I experienced..i suppose if she had gone on to have 2 or 3 more kids she would've been pissy towards me for not buying 7 seperate holiday gifts-- sorry, I'm not an ATM.

It would be one thing if it was ok to get a $10 or under gift for each child. Nope. It has to be a minimum of $25 and she gives us a list of specific items....I've never seen one for under $30! It's not like they're poor - quite the opposite. The kids literally have a Toys R Us at home and another one at grandma's. Grandma buys them the same toys twice - one for grandma's house and one for their house. I'm a big fan of books, puzzles, games, things for kids to actually use and maybe learn something from as gifts when they're young. By the time her kids are 3, they each have a tablet! They each have their own dvd player by age 5. The gifts are out of control! I'm not an ATM either.

[ss20ts]

Originally Posted by mondayafternoons

Some years back I got an invite to a baby shower for the same person whom I had attended her first shower only barely 20 months prior. The date of the shower was over the weekend my birthday was. I had made plans several weeks in advance with a friend who invited me to go to a theme park she knew i especially enjoyed for my bday with her, and our two kids in tow, I was really excited looking forward to it. I rsvp'd to the name of the person who was hosting the Godzilla moms baby shower-- I did what he invite asked- to rsvp. I called 'Jenny' and politely told her that I was sorry I wouldn't be able to make it to **this shower this time around and she said "Really?? You aren't going to attend her BABYS shower??" The woman was a flying monkey for the mother, unbelievably rude, she queried why might I not be coming and how btw disappointed she knew the mother would feel. I told her it was my birthday and I had already had big plans in place, so sorry I can't, thank you, goodbye.
"Okay.... well I know she will be really disappointed you "won't" come..."

True story, shortly after my phone rang-- it was the Godzilla mom to be - "Jenny called and said your not gonna come to Jonahs shower" ( name she planned to name him after he was born) oh BROTHER!! Trying to use emotional blackmail by referring to it as "his shower " demanded to know (why didn't I just hang up on her- ! Wish looking back I would've just hung up on such outright rudeness) why I wasn't going to "his shower"-- I told her I'm sure Jenny told you... I guess you forgot, but anyways it's my birthday. And that is special , a friend and I have big plans already from weeks ago."

Her reply was to start balling and say she was just so sad that I didn't care about "Jonah" and someday when he was older she would have to let him know I didn't want to celebrate his shower. Then she finished by saying to me that "besides your grown and birthdays are FOR KIDS... so why is it such a big deal for you to have to celebrate right on your birthday- seems like you could cancel that to come to the shower, it's not like your a little kid.

I don't speak to her anymore. She went on to have one more shower a couple years later, I heard.. I felt so happy I didn't have to deal with the friend who sent the last shower invites and then acts as almost a bouncer telling off apparently anyone who rsvp's they can't make it.

Our society has gotten so disgustingly selfish and narcissistic

Good grief! What a spoiled prima donna! I can totally see why you ditched that friendship. I mean how dare you want to celebrate your birthday especially with a friend. I mean how could you!?

[nuts2uiam]

I think, like most things these day, things are out of control. Years ago and I mean that, shower gifts were items for the baby and were reasonable. Today shower "registries" have things on them like $400 high chairs and strollers. I personally abhor both bridal and baby showers. When I worked, I was putting in 10 hour plus days and the thought of giving up a weekend day to sit and look at pillows, blankets or toasters or baby clothes, bottles, and diapers was just not in my wheelhouse. I did attend just the must showers. I did and still do send a gift but I just don't go. FWIW, I did not have a bridal shower, because I would not subject others to what I did not want to be at.

I got one baby shower invite that had a travel agents info so I could contribute to the "baby moon". Needless to say, it was early enough that she could travel safely and comfortably, which is another dimension to this shower thing.

[foundapeanut]

OH its the 'you get a trophy, you get a trophy, everyone gets a trophy!' mindset.

Life isn't fair, this arrangements makes a person's special day not special to just them anymore.

I wouldn't sent a gift to the older sibling. Would they have a audicity to ask? If so these aren't nice people.

And if I wasn't close to the parents of the baby, I wouldn't go.

But I'm 60, the age when we start calling out others for inappropriate behavior. And can get away with it.

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by foundapeanut

OH its the 'you get a trophy, you get a trophy, everyone gets a trophy!' mindset.

Life isn't fair, this arrangements makes a person's special day not special to just them anymore.

I wouldn't sent a gift to the older sibling. Would they have a audicity to ask? If so these aren't nice people.

And if I wasn't close to the parents of the baby, I wouldn't go.

But I'm 60, the age when we start calling out others for inappropriate behavior. And can get away with it.

But really, when it comes to birthdays and showers, life is fair. Fair doesn't mean getting the same things at the same time, right? If your birthday is in July and mine is in May, we'll both get presents and attention - just at different times.