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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 18 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
Reputation: 5382
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My parents does this with my brother's children. The oldest is 2. She is constantly showering them with gifts. Even on the holidays like Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day etc. and their birthdays. Then I overhear my mom complain about money. My sister-in-law has complained to me about my parents' too many gifts giving. I think my brother may of complained to my mom about it then she got upset so they just allow my parents do what they want when it comes to giving gifts.
Nowadays, most Grandparents have less Grandchildren than years past. So, I can see it happening and becoming a common occurrence that they are overindulging them with gifts. If they can afford it, then more power to them.
My worry is I don't want my niece and nephew growing up to be ungrateful, spoiled brats with a sense of entitlement. This is especially true if one of my parents die and less money will be available to spend on them. My dad is a bit older than my mom so I can see that happening.
My parents, especially my mom completely revolves her life around the grandchildren and my brother along with the wife. They don't really have outside hobbies or friends separate from them. It doesn't seem a big deal right now because the kids are still very young and both parents are still alive.
Stay out of this, this situation is between your brother/SIL and your parents. Grandparents often spoil their Grandchildren if your Brother/SIL feel that it is going overboard they will address it. If they chose to back down and continue to allow it, there is nothing you can do. Maybe you could plan a couple of activities with your parents that will give them something besides the grandchildren to focus on.
I agree that it has nothing to do with you. If less money is available to spend on them down the road, then they have to adjust. I agree that your brother and sil are the ones to say something if they are uncomfortable with the situation. My kids have two sets of grandparents who don't spoil them, but do send gifts for holidays. Assuming the grandparents also spend copious amounts of time with their grandchildren, they are very lucky indeed.
I have no idea if it is becoming more or less common, or neither. I know I was never spoiled by grandparents. There were too many for any of us to be spoiled. My kids' grandparents do get them more gifts than I'd like. It isn't completely out of hand, and there isn't really anything I can do about it. We did draw the line at TV's for their rooms.
They aren't your kids, so there really isn't anything you can do about it. If their parents object, let them deal with it.
Grandparents giving their grandchildren gifts does not make them into entitled brats. Grandparents have been spoiling their grandchildren since the beginning of time. Don’t worry about it. They’re not your kids.
You can’t really spoil a kid - they’re not a dairy product. And attention and gifts may cause some entitlement or ungratefulness, as if that is the norm and when the gifts stop something is wrong, but that’s really for the parents to address.
Best choice generally is to request experience gifts, like passes to the zoo or a nature walk with the local botanical garden. The. The gift creates nice memories and doesn’t clutter up the house, or get tossed aside into the morass of toys and gadgets.
I like to be the grandma that always says yes. Cookies for breakfast? Sure. Dessert before dinner? Sure. Stay up late? OK. Parents can be in charge of enforcing rules, but I did my time in that department already.
I have found though, that always buying gifts is not a good idea. If the first greeting you get from a grandchild is, “what did you bring me?” then you’re doing something wrong.
Are your parents asking you for money to pay for their needs? I ask because if that's the case, I'd be annoyed with them and I'd tell them no. If not, then I'd keep quiet and let my sibling take care of it if it's that big a deal.
Also, I helped to "spoil" the kids in our family and none are entitled jerks. But they were reminded that no one has to buy them anything and that they should not be upset if they don't get what they want.
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But they were reminded that no one has to buy them anything and that they should not be upset if they don't get what they want.
