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Old 12-23-2017, 08:54 AM
Location: USA
77 posts, read 30,329 times
Reputation: 362


OP, since you asked, I will offer my opinion, for what it's worth...
A friend of my mother had a son who died from leukemia at age 8. She & DH had an older daughter (teens) when her 3rd child was born after her son's death.
When 3rd child was 5 years old, older daughter was killed in an auto accident.
Sometimes, our intentions are not fulfilled. The man upstairs intervened, and young daughter ended up being only child, who now has a family of her own.
Having said all that, it's ultimately up to you & your partner. I have to say, though, that your statements concerning, what I perceive to be control through finances, are troubling. Having experienced this in my own (prior) life, it's raining red flags. I strongly recommend visiting with a therapist to explore this issue before bringing another child into the mix.
Good luck. Keep us posted.
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Old 12-23-2017, 12:33 PM
Location: Sugarland
13,193 posts, read 11,704,733 times
Reputation: 15196
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
This puts a huge amount of stress on the child, who never asked to be born, and often must put up with constant bickering from the parent who wanted more children.

DO NOT DO this to a child. It is not fair.

Have one? Have two or more. Or have none. Very simple.

I have never met a person who was glad that they were an only child.

If you know of a "happy only child" and I am sure that they do exist, I believe you. However, it's not the rule. It's an anomaly.

Being an only child effects not only your childhood, but the rest of one's life. - There is elder care to consider, and a myriad of other lifelong burdens to think about, that are best shared by two or more.

I grew up with sisters. We aren't particularly close now, but I'm glad they were there. We had someone to play with on rainy days, someone to watch cartoons with on Saturday morning, and awaken with to the wonders of Christmas morning. We went on family trips together, went Trick or Treating, explored the woods behind the house, and walked home from the bus stop together.

My half brother is 28 years old, spoiled, and unhappy. When my father died last Christmas, we all lost touch with him and with his older mother.

That was my stepmother's child to "seal the deal" with my father financially.
No one asks to be born though, so why have ANY children? You can't assume that they're going to have a happy life and ultimately, whatever hardships they have to deal with is really the parents' fault for having them in the first place.
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Old 12-23-2017, 03:22 PM
Location: Inland FL
997 posts, read 565,998 times
Reputation: 1787
If you're going to have kids, you should have at least 2 so your kid has a sibling.
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Old 12-25-2017, 07:56 PM
702 posts, read 225,263 times
Reputation: 852
There's only one time and one time only, a fella has a choice. That's why they can't mess up when choosing a partner to impregnate. Suggest that you use birth control always. That's the only time you'll have a choice in the matter. (She can choose to abort but probably wont.) If you don't wear protection, you may be single parenting multiple children. And that may be fine, too with enough support.
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Old 01-07-2018, 05:37 AM
Location: California
4 posts, read 1,984 times
Reputation: 19
OP I understand your conundrum completely because I myself am currently living it except I chose to have the second child...so here's what I have to say.

Number one never do something, like having a child or a second one for someone else. I made this mistake. When dh and I had our son, as he was laying on my chest fresh from the womb, he said he wished we had a girl. I never wanted another child but a felt guilty bc dh really wanted a girl. Even though we both knew that it was a 50/50 shot the second time around, he kept talking about it so I gave in and decided I would let nature decide. We had another boy. Now I'm not going to go into specifics except to say that dh is not exactly great full for his second son and it has put a significant strain on our marriage.

Like you my spouse is not exactly savvy with money. Having two children has put an increased burden on us because, like your wife, he continues to want the lifestyle he is accustom to and doesn't want to work any extra for said lifestyle. I want to say also that we both make a good living and can afford our children, but we can not afford lavish vacations, a huge home, multiple vehicles like my spouse would want. He's so bad that if we won the lottery today the money would be spent tomorrow. I also was not aware of his financial instability until I took over the finances after our second son was born.

Above is the person/financial toll of our second child. Now let me tell you what my first born has to say about his brother. He loves him. I was floored one day when he actually came out and said that we were lonely before his brother came along and now we wont be because of his brother. He really feels our family is complete and wouldn't have it any other way. They share a room and we had to move his bed next to his brothers because he kept getting up and sleeping on the floor next to the crib. So while I don't know if our marriage will survive our second son at least, at this moment, our boys are happy they have each other.
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