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I am a fraternal twin. My brother and I were practically inseparable from conception until in our 3 ed year of college when he switched schools. We went to the same schools, had the same teachers and friends, attended the same school functions, studied together, and did our homework together. As children we learned to speak English, Spanish and French together. At home we did our chores together and kept each other company while under the charge of a live in nanny. ( busy professional parents, doctor and lawyer).
We had each other's back, were and still are best friends at 28. When we were 14 we spent the summer in Spain with our grandparents on my dad's side and when we were 15 we spent the summer in France with our mom's parents. We shared a lot of fun and interesting adventures that we can still look back at today. I can't imagine my life without my big brother
( he's 10 minutes older lol) being smack dab .... a part of it. Although we are quite close to our parents... the bond between us is probably stronger.
Wait, what? You're not married? Wow, it really pays to read the whole thread before posting!
If she's not financially responsible, why would you get married? Why would you have kids with her? Why choose her for a partner at all? Oh well, too late now. Clearly, you see redeeming qualities in her.
This sounds like it's never going to be a true partnership. You're always going to be calling the shots, except for the second-child issue; she can have another child if she wants, without telling you, unless you get yourself snipped, or insist on using condoms from now on, which probably wouldn't go over well with her, because it would communicate that you don't trust her.
This doesn't bode well at all.
BTW, I don't know what the laws are where you live, but in the US, in most states, the spouse is entitled to half of all assets acquired after the wedding. So if you were to marry, anything you earn or inherit after the rings are exchanged is rightfully hers. While you may insist on separate bank accounts, if she were to file for divorce at some point, she could take you for half of your assets acquired after the wedding date. She could demand more, for support of the child/ren, and so forth, as well. If you haven't already, you should look into your local laws, and consider never getting married.
This is why it's not advisable for people with conflicting money management styles to get married, or to have kids together.
i entered into a relationship with her because i was getting on , im forty now , we are together four years , i dont believe a perfect mate is out there , she is a kind person with a good heart , she is just bad with money though does seem to be improving a little
i dont see it as a huge problem going forward provided i am in charge of my own finances but i would like our son to go to private school and the way housing prices are , i see my house as being his one day , were we to have another , there is less available for him , add to that , i have pretty bad back problems for someone my age , i see this as a potential money drain as i get older beit medical bills or inability to run my business to its full potential
i really dont see our relationship as being in trouble , i dont believe you can know for sure what other people will do so if my other half did want out , that is just how its going to be , that we are not married is not in anyway a big deal as far as im concerned ,i was prioritising other areas this past number of years , i didnt have 20 k to set aside for a wedding and my other half would expect me to spend this amount between the wedding and honeymoon , her parents have no spare money so again it will fall on me to pay , maybe we are slightly incompatible but its not like there were women with a NET worth of a million lining up to go out with me , life isnt like that , i went out with women who were financially independent but there was no chemistry whatsoever , how long are you supposed to wait for someone who ticks every box ?
im going through mixed feelings about the whole child thing , when i look at my 16 month old son , i do think sometimes we should have another for his sake , the trouble is were i to sit down and have a heartfelt with my other half and say lets do it but we have to be more frugal , she would be horrified , even i suggested we postpone going on annual overseas trips for several years , she would be annoyed , she always wants to have her cake and eat it
Last edited by irish_bob; 12-18-2017 at 04:50 AM..
Inheritance is not considered joint assets in a divorce unless purchases are made with the inheritance and those purchanses (car, house etc) are titled in both names. Assets solely owned prior to marriage are also easily protected in a pre-marital agreement.
no pre nups in my country im afraid , law is incredibly biased against men in the event of divorce , the guy struggles to even see his children , in fact even you never get married , if you have been living together for five years , she is entitled to anything she would were a ring on her finger
While there's no guarantees with siblings and having kids to support you in old age is no real reason to have kids, a very real reality my only-child partner is facing is having to face his parents aging alone. They are in their early 60s and already have many health issues, and as an only child who grew up in reduced circumstances, he believes very strongly in his role as "paying them back" for their sacrifices. In his case, that meant starting a business that employs both parents, pays their mortgage, and helps them save a little more for retirement after years of bad decisions at the detriment of his own life: he has a law degree and is not using it, and is trapped with the business at the family farm in a very rural, isolated part of the country. He feels that he can't give up the business due to his parents, but that strains our relationship as there are no jobs for me in his area of the country so we only see each other on weekends and that, of course, cannot go on forever. I also have put my foot down that I am saving for my - and our - retirement, not his parents. If I was to do it again, I'm not sure I would want to date an only child because that will invariably impact my future as well in caretaking and offering elder support, no matter the financial situation of the parents.
Now, it sounds like there will be no financial issues facing your child as you age, but the fact remains that it may come to a point where he needs to balance taking care of older parents (especially since you already have a bad back and are on the older side to have your first child) while dealing with his own life and have no close bond for council or support in a sibling. Again, not necessarily a reason to have another child but absolutely something to think about 20, 30 years down the road about how you will plan for this eventuality.
no pre nups in my country im afraid , law is incredibly biased against men in the event of divorce , the guy struggles to even see his children , in fact even you never get married , if you have been living together for five years , she is entitled to anything she would were a ring on her finger
I take it it'd be Ireland. Which is a bit ironic: I remember reading that divorce used to be illegal there. Funny how things change.
I'm an only child and I'm not spoiled. However I miss having a brother or a sister and I envied those who had.
If you can, give your boy a sibling. It is easier to get through life with a sibling.
For example, I am the only one to take care of my parents now that they are really old. A sibling would be able to help with that.
ive never posted in this particular section of this site before
anyway , myself and my partner have a sixteen month old boy , he is the best thing to ever happen to either of us , however , i would be content to leave it at that , my partner is upset as she wants another one but would be happy to just have two , i suspect she is hoping for a girl as she has such a close relationship with her own mother
i really have no desire for another child , the only reason i would see having another is that my son would not grow up an only child , you hear stories about how some people who are an only child , end up resenting their parents because of it , i have one brother and three sisters so i cannot imagine what its like not to be raised in an active and noisy home
is it an inherently selfish act towards my son ?
I have the somewhat unique situation as to be an only on my mom's side and one of several on my dad's. I chose to only have one. We are a close knit family, not particularly nuclear at all. She has cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. all in her age range. She had all the benefits of being an only, and still has close family her own age.
And make no mistake there are benefits to being an only, the same way there is to being one of several.
And make no mistake there are benefits to being an only, the same way there is to being one of several.
I can't think of a single benefit to being an only child. Save for having more "stuff", and even that's debatable. No Nintendo console, big TV set, movie collection, or computer can replace the social value of a same-age sibling at home, who you can interact with on your level. Adult family members either have to get down to your level, which can be awkward, or they turn everything into a teachable moment, which can be frustrating. And if you're an adult over 30, living with a sibling is slightly more socially acceptable than having an unrelated roommate.
Although if your name is Alan, and your brother's name is Charlie, there's a whole different set of problems.
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Oh well, too late now. Clearly, you see redeeming qualities in her.
Save for having more "stuff", and even that's debatable. No Nintendo console, big TV set, movie collection, or computer can replace the social value of a same-age sibling at home, who you can interact with on your level. Adult family members either have to get down to your level, which can be awkward, or they turn everything into a teachable moment, which can be frustrating. And if you're an adult over 30, living with a sibling is slightly more socially acceptable than having an unrelated roommate. 
