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Old 12-17-2017, 03:58 AM
 
426 posts, read 361,621 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
We hosted a complete stranger for Christmas one year... she was a couchsurfer from Germany. We met online and she arrived with her 18 month old son and stayed for two or three nights. That was five years ago, and we are still in touch. Great lady; they're now traveling the world and I think they're in Malaysia.

I also invited a new friend to Christmas one year. She had gotten divorced and her kids were with their dad. We had just met a couple months before, but we had her over anyway. It was a nice time.

I think it's nice to open your home to people. I know most aren't comfortable with the idea of inviting a stranger to spend overnights in their home, but a friend of your son's? What's the big deal??


Were you not doing ANYTHING for Christmas that year?

You also shouldn't associate with people who get divorced.

You know they lack discipline. You don't want your kids thinking that's ok.

 
Old 12-17-2017, 03:59 AM
 
426 posts, read 361,621 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Apologies for my knee jerk hetero-normative assumptions.

But even if it is that 12 year old, I'd go with the "kill them with kindness" approach and be welcoming. I think a first time crush/relationship is more likely to fade away if you don't try to turn it into something forbidden. Sounds like that is the approach you are taking, and I think it really is the best thing. I'm sure this relationship will fizzle out sooner rather than later, but your son will never forget that you were accepting of him.

When you think about how many gay kids have problems and even attempt suicide, I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that you are affecting the course of his life by being loving and supportive even though you have legitimate questions about this particular partner. Gay or straight, no 15 year old is listening to their parents' (legitimate) questions about their first love but he will always remember that he was loved and supported by you.


He needs to know that's a mental disorder and get it fixed.

Stop accepting everything a kid says.

Guys like girls and girls like guys. Anything different is fantasy talk.
 
Old 12-17-2017, 04:01 AM
 
426 posts, read 361,621 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
Thank you Emm. I was not supportive at all at first which only made things worse.
There are things I have not tolerated and I don't regret it as it at least forced this boy and his parents to address his behavior. I think it will fizzle out eventually.


You shouldn't be supportive of deviant behavior.

Just totally cut the kid off until he stops his evil requests.

That is not a natural relationship. It's not OK.
 
Old 12-17-2017, 04:02 AM
 
426 posts, read 361,621 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elliedeee View Post
I agree with everything you said especially the bolded. Besides that, it's a nice experience to share other's holidays and see how they celebrate. At that age I went to a Christmas eve dinner at my Italian boyfriends house and wow... the food was amazing and I loved being surrounded by the bazillion relatives that he had. It's been over 50 years and I'll never forget that night.


Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are totally different.

If you think they're the same, do you think New Year's Eve and New Year's Day have the same impact?
 
Old 12-17-2017, 04:03 AM
 
426 posts, read 361,621 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
No. I would not. Holidays are family time. A 15 year old boy or girlfriend has their own family. That's where they should be.

I am not a fan of encouraging young teenage relationships. By spending a holiday together, they are doing something reserved for engaged or married couples. It takes the relationship a step further and promotes it to become more intimate and enmeshed. On every level.

At 15, going to a movie or sporting event is normal. Attending a school or church event is fine. Going to a concert together, spending a day with other friends at an amusement park, beach, or other activity are all acceptable. Walk around the mall or your town all you want. Preferably, with other friends.

I don't agree with any of the following - Going on a vacation with a friend of the opposite sex. (or the same, if they are not hetero)
- Being involved with family life events - weddings etc. with a BF or
GF at a young age.
- spending the night or sleepovers with a B- spending major holiday
with BF or GF
- Over night camping. (not at a camp) with a BF/GF Or over night
excursions not affiliated with school.

If they want to exchange gifts later in the day? Fine. However, the two should not be so inseparable that spending spending a day apart should cause great anxiety or distress.

Early High School is not the time to be finding a finacee - or a baby mama.

I don't mind the vacation or family life events because most families are not doing those at the same time.

The girl's family vacation might be 5 dead days at our house.

No reason to keep him away.
 
Old 12-17-2017, 04:04 AM
 
426 posts, read 361,621 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
When I was a kid I lived in apartments and we spent the bulk of the day still playing outside. After morning traditions and pre Christmas dinner, there was a lot of "down time". I didn't marry any of the neighborhood kids. Nor did I feel like I was going to at the time.

As a teen I spent a lot of holiday time going around and visiting friends and boyfriends and family. Didn't marry any of them.

PS........going on vacation with the opposite sex for the OP's kids would be the least of her worries.


You were all filling time waiting for dinner.

I assume no one forewent dinner to play outside?

Coordinating the dinner schedules of 2 separate parties is going to be basically impossible.
 
Old 12-17-2017, 04:06 AM
 
426 posts, read 361,621 times
Reputation: 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Christmas here consists of gifts and maybe playing a game together in the morning and a big meal around 2 in the afternoon. Then we just lounge around. Sometimes we'll have friends over or go to a friend's house. Sometimes we'll have company staying with us. (Our extended family lives far away.) But it's not like we're all sitting on top of each other all day... "family time" doesn't really take up all of the waking hours.

I'd also let my kid go with a romantic partner or a friend of either sex to a wedding if they were invited or even on vacation with their family. Or they could invite their boy/girlfriend/platonic friend along to those events. I don't really see a problem. My teenage daughter and her best friend were discussing having a sleepover with two male friends... all of the parents discussed it and all seem to agree that it would be fine. I know it's not the same as having a sleepover with a boyfriend/girlfriend, but I also don't think there's any use in trying to micromanage teens in most cases. You have to trust your kid. And nothing bad is going to happen if they spend a few hours together on Christmas.


Why do you have to trust the kid? If I say he's not going, he's not going.

Or if he goes, then don't expect any food for a week.

See how he enjoys waiting 8 days to eat.

Then, he won't disobey me again.
 
Old 12-17-2017, 04:07 AM
 
426 posts, read 361,621 times
Reputation: 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neerwhal View Post
My initial reaction:

No. We have two teens and a pre-teen. Christmas is a family day. We aren't even Christian. It's just a family holiday, end of story. They can get together to exchange gifts on Christmas Eve.

My reaction after reading this thread:

There are a lot of good points here. Maybe a good compromise would be Christmas morning together until 2, then a few hours at her place, then asking them both to come over for dessert and pictures afterwards.

Why are people so heavily influenced by this forum?

The answer is a solid NO! NEVER!

If you're sharing with another family, don't bother having anything and just let them go to their house for the whole day.

We are not a pick-up service for food.
 
Old 12-17-2017, 04:12 AM
 
426 posts, read 361,621 times
Reputation: 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I don't disagree that focusing too much on dating can cause issues in school and even depression. I just don't think that a parent welcoming or not welcoming a high-school or college-age child's partner to their home on Christmas Day is going to make any difference.


The 1 decision on its own probably does not make a huge difference, but it informs other decisions.

If the parents are SO worried about the teen pouting that they have to give in, they probably give in on all sorts of other questionable decisions to the point that the kid is probably raised poorly.
 
Old 12-17-2017, 04:45 AM
 
173 posts, read 134,479 times
Reputation: 334
Quote:
Originally Posted by dothetwist View Post
Hate to sound like an old f*** but I was always forced to stay home Christmas Day. My grandmother lived next door and the rest of her children and grandchildren (my aunts/uncles/cousins) came over...most for dinner (at 1PM) and then later more relatives who ate elsewhere, stopped by throughout the evening.

As a teen, I was bored. Now both my parents are gone, and all my aunts and uncles, too. My cousins are far-flung around the world. Yet I have fond memories of those Christmases. Being teased by my older cousins, listening to Uncle Wally and my Dad argue politics and sports. Hearing my mother and her sisters talk about new Christmas cookie recipes that they tried that year.

It's sometimes not a bad thing to make a young teenager sit around with relatives....they may even appreciate it someday.
This sounds so much like the Christmas's I grew up with. We will have family over again this year and it is so rare to have everyone together. I'm glad you appreciate it now you're grown.
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