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Old 12-18-2017, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,120 posts, read 10,668,910 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatDave View Post
Whether it's to tell kids our adults, I always think that people who use a lot of profanities just have a limited vocabulary and are unable to describe their feelings in a more intelligent way.
Oddly enough, there are studies which show that swearing is a sign of higher intelligence and a larger vocabulary.


For the OP:
We've taken an approach which seems to work for us. I'll freely admit to the use of swear words in certain situations, and we haven't tried to shelter our children from those words since they were old enough to understand not to use them.

As the children have gotten older, I've relaxed the restrictions on their language when it's just the three of us hanging out. They are not allowed to swear around their mother or in public, nor are they allowed to use any "major" swear words, but they are allowed to occasionally drop a foul word around me with no consequences. I am too much of a fan of the English language in all of its permutations to purposely restrict my children from utilizing their vocabulary.

This is pretty much the same rule that I grew up with. My step-father was fond of swearing when the situation called for it, but he was also a bit old-fashioned (he was a country boy who was born right after the Great Depression). "Shop talk," as he called it, was to be used around other men. Using that language around ladies, especially my mother, was forbidden and brought swift justice - usually in the form of a smack on the back of the head and some extra chores. However, I was allowed to use it around him when we were working, hunting, fishing, or just hanging out. The one time that I actually swore at my mother (well justified in my rebellious teenage mind) is a memory that I'll never forget. He was no more adverse to using corporal punishment than he was to using swear words.

Children are prone to do exactly what they are forbidden from doing unless they have an outlet which makes the activity less taboo. By giving them the opportunity to use some of those "bad" words in certain situations, they have less of a tendency to want to use them when it isn't appropriate. Bear in mind, my kids aren't allowed to swear like a sailor or pepper their sentences with foul words just for the shock value, but I'm not going to freak out about the occasional use of minor swear words.

As I said, this works for us. It may or may not work in other people's situations.

Side note: When my youngest was about 4, I wasn't all that great at watching my language. And, like most, I have certain pet phrases that I use when things go wrong. When I'm working on something that is giving me trouble, I have a tendency to use the phrase "bleeding wh@#e" - a lot. My daughter was putting together some legos one day, and they weren't going together correctly. Imagine my wife's surprise when her 4-year-old popped out with my favorite phrase.... Needless to say, we both got a "talking to" over that one - and I started watching my language a little bit better around the kids until they got somewhat older.
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Old 12-18-2017, 07:01 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,399,744 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashj007 View Post
Aha, a homosexualtityaphile rises to the discusion. No, there were plenty of clinical words to use to explain same sex activities and profanity.
For us older folks, profanity, open sexuality, and homosexuality were challenging to explain to young people 40 years ago, you know, the dark days when there were some limits to those things in public? It sounds like you do not disapprove, but lets not go off topic.
Again...huh?
The discussion is about profanity and you brought up attempting to explain homosexuality. I questioned what one had to do with the other.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashj007 View Post
Him monologue dates back 45 years or so I think. PDA by homosexuals was rare then, and illegal in many States. Times have changed a lot since then was my point. Sorry I was so subtle you missed it.
Sure, whatever.
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Old 12-18-2017, 08:16 AM
 
1,644 posts, read 1,657,910 times
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I also think as parents it's important for us to remember not all places/events are family friendly and if we choose to take our children to an adult event they will likely hear adult language and/or witness adult activities. In recent years I've seen children present in some places that were clearly adult activities, I was uncomfortable for them.
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Old 12-18-2017, 08:29 AM
 
192 posts, read 130,414 times
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The most important thing you can do, is to put what they are experiencing into perspective. I wouldn't lie to them, or make them feel ashamed for hearing those words. Just explain that there are better ways to communicate your feelings. I would not just say these are simply bad words, but that why are an inadequate way to communicate.
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Old 12-18-2017, 08:30 AM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,682,573 times
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Rules in our home:

1. No cursing AT someone, especially in anger. Yelling "****" when stubbing your toe is fine.
2. Intent tells you far more about someone than their vocabulary choices. Talking badly about people or calling names is far more indicative of a negative person than whether they say "she can't keep her legs shut..." vs "she is a *****". Only the latter may be cursing, but the former is no better in my book.
3. Know why you are cursing. Sometimes the f word best describes something, sometimes it is due to laziness. Have precision when you speak, even if it is cursing.
4. Don't curse in front of older people you don't know or children when in public. Some people are uptight about it.
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Old 12-18-2017, 08:55 AM
 
3,857 posts, read 3,132,689 times
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your kids will hear profanity, if not in school, on the way home, or from a frustrated dad! you cant shield those ears from profanity. what you could do is restrict how they speak in the home or in front of you. Is it really that bad to know what profanity is? the way it is used is more disturbing than actually just saying it. I have even heard priest and rabbis using profanity, so no one is immune from it.

I learned my extensive profanity vocabulary from my Italian neighbors, and their teen kids. I entered 2nd grade already knowing 7 of those special words. I would never use it at home, or in front of the teacher, but most definitely use it among my peers. It is a right of passage, especially in nyc. kids will not be angels their entire life, and eventually will use the words when they get in JHS.

to have an expectation that children would not curse, spit or fart in public, not defend themselves, or be a normal kid is unrealistic. It could do more harm than good, where your kids have to hide what they do behind your back, because you dis approve. you wont know what your kids are really like when you are not around.

the most you can do is tell your kids how low class they look, when they are talking that way. I tell my kids to never curse if they want to be respected. I tell my kids if they need to vent, or say some dirty words, make sure you do it when no adults are around. I refuse to let the kids talk that way at home, or in my presence. kids feel profanity gives them some sort of "edge" or points among their peers. there has to be a balance on how much you let them get away with things, and overlooking a few curse words is not a biggie.
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Old 12-18-2017, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,283,321 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatDave View Post
Whether it's to tell kids our adults, I always think that people who use a lot of profanities just have a limited vocabulary and are unable to describe their feelings in a more intelligent way.
That's one hoity-toity explanation! I have a great vocabulary but if I fall down the stairs I won't be thinking or saying any of any of those things.
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Old 12-18-2017, 10:58 AM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,978,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r View Post
When I was a kid growing up in NYC, whenever I hear adults shouting or using profanities in public, my parents would tell me to close my ears and try not to listen to adults saying bad words. Living in NYC I would hear profanities used often in certain parts but not always. Then in public school, I rarely hear profanities until high school in NYC.

My kids told me that other kids use profanities often in 3rd grade and up. Then in public we often hear adults using profanities openly unless we avoid going to certain parts of NYC or avoid certain places like subway trains or malls.

Now I've already educate my kids about what profanities are and that they should not be used at all because it's not nice if you say it all the time and it's disrespectful. But my son said that his friends parents use profanities at them all the time.

What your kids are hearing doesn't negate what you're trying to teach them.


If I were you in this situation, I'd probably start a dialogue with your kids something like this; "And how does it make you feel, when your friends' parents are cursing at you?" and go from there.


My dad was a shouter and a cusser to his children. We spent a lot of time being afraid of my dad.


You can't always help what your kids are hearing, but you can always have conversations about it, and you can keep reiterating why you won't tolerate profanity around you.
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Old 12-18-2017, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
3,677 posts, read 2,550,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashj007 View Post
First point, hunt down George Carlin's "7 words you can't say on television."
Then figure out how to answer the question my son asked me in Delaware at the beach one day, "Daddy, why are those men holding hands and kissing?"
The world has changed. A lot.
for me it was pretty simple. "Because they must really like one another". I said it matter of factly and they didn't blink and eye and just moved on.

Anyhoo,
my kids were born in big cities (phlly and NY) and now have cousins who like rap music. I have never been one to "ban" things.

I do what one previous poster does, when they are little I would tell them some words are only for adults.
Unfortunately they have heard me swear a time or two so it's not a huge cause of concern in our house.
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Old 12-18-2017, 01:33 PM
 
5,455 posts, read 3,359,329 times
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My parents did not swear at home at least in front of us kids. But when I was a at school it was "in" / cool to swear so all of the effort my parents put into teaching us not to swear went completely out the window. Unfortunately, children will hear the words whether you are with them or not. That"s just life at least today.
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