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Old 12-26-2017, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Texas
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I've been away from my toddlers traveling for about one week.
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Old 12-27-2017, 07:28 PM
 
599 posts, read 185,288 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dihseewnrds View Post
My friend has a 5 year old son and she wants to join me and another friend to go party and travel in Europe for 3 weeks.

She is a single mother, so she said she knows a family from her sonís school who said they will look after her son while she is gone.


Do you travel without your children?
There's two kinds of parenting - integrated would be adventurous and welcoming of the child so that would include them with vacations; and the other is compartmentalized - vacations without the child, someone has to babysit in order for the parent to get groceries, baby monitor instead of bringing the baby into the room, stuff like that. Throw in the mix, a single parent who may be accustomed to saying goodbye a lot because the child is going to the other single parent on weekends, then it seems logical they'd form a more compartmentalized way of thinking and their level of comfort is greater for being away for three weeks. For us, we were integrated but we also love adventure and teaching our children how to navigate the world. Vacations can be stressful because of the unknowns and that level of anxiety is compounded with a little one.
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Old 12-29-2017, 07:01 AM
 
27,937 posts, read 19,044,837 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
There's two kinds of parenting - integrated would be adventurous and welcoming of the child so that would include them with vacations; and the other is compartmentalized - vacations without the child, someone has to babysit in order for the parent to get groceries, baby monitor instead of bringing the baby into the room, stuff like that. Throw in the mix, a single parent who may be accustomed to saying goodbye a lot because the child is going to the other single parent on weekends, then it seems logical they'd form a more compartmentalized way of thinking and their level of comfort is greater for being away for three weeks. For us, we were integrated but we also love adventure and teaching our children how to navigate the world. Vacations can be stressful because of the unknowns and that level of anxiety is compounded with a little one.
Why must the two be mutually exclusive?
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Old 12-29-2017, 07:11 AM
 
3,242 posts, read 1,288,242 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dihseewnrds View Post
My friend has a 5 year old son and she wants to join me and another friend to go party and travel in Europe for 3 weeks.

She is a single mother, so she said she knows a family from her son’s school who said they will look after her son while she is gone.


Do you travel without your children?
One week? No problem. It's healthy to get away from your children for a week and reconnect with your spouse and yourself. People who absolutely refuse to go anywhere without their children are doing themselves no favors.

Dumping one's child on near strangers for three weeks to go party in Europe? Your friend is a serious narcissist. I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with someone like that.
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Old 12-29-2017, 07:24 AM
 
Location: here
24,191 posts, read 28,001,876 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
There's two kinds of parenting - integrated would be adventurous and welcoming of the child so that would include them with vacations; and the other is compartmentalized - vacations without the child, someone has to babysit in order for the parent to get groceries, baby monitor instead of bringing the baby into the room, stuff like that. Throw in the mix, a single parent who may be accustomed to saying goodbye a lot because the child is going to the other single parent on weekends, then it seems logical they'd form a more compartmentalized way of thinking and their level of comfort is greater for being away for three weeks. For us, we were integrated but we also love adventure and teaching our children how to navigate the world. Vacations can be stressful because of the unknowns and that level of anxiety is compounded with a little one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Why must the two be mutually exclusive?
My thought exactly. We do both.
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Old 12-29-2017, 07:34 AM
 
3,331 posts, read 1,415,514 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minivandriver View Post
one week? No problem. It's healthy to get away from your children for a week and reconnect with your spouse and yourself. People who absolutely refuse to go anywhere without their children are doing themselves no favors.

dumping one's child on near strangers for three weeks to go party in europe? Your friend is a serious narcissist. I'm not sure i'd want to be friends with someone like that.
+1.
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Old 12-29-2017, 07:37 AM
 
1,909 posts, read 2,834,997 times
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In my family we do one adult vacation normally to an island for a 4 to 5 nights. Then when we get back we take the kids on a family trip that is always longer. We always do the family vacation last so as to build the anticipation and give the kids something to look forward to. Its important to get away from the kids if at all possible. Also I think it teaches that kids that the mommy/daddy bond is not only strong but important.
As a side note we do mostly everything with our kids. Definitely a tight knit family all we ask for is a few days to not exactly be parents 24hrs a day.
Also we leave them with the inlays who love the time they get to spend with them.
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Old 12-29-2017, 07:41 AM
 
3,242 posts, read 1,288,242 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
Rarely. If we take time off, we generally wanted to spend the time with the kids. Even as young adults, they make life more fun. Young or old, if we want some time alone we just tell them to go away. (We used to say "Mommy is closed" an hour later they may come by and say "is mommy open yet?" It was always Mommy, they knew better than to come to me with frivolous complaints or requests. They also knew they could come to either of us an sya this is an emergency. But sometimes "emergency" was "***ie will not let me change the channel and I already saw this show." or "*** has a poopy diaper").
I get wanting to be with your kids as much as possible. But it's so important to have a life with your spouse outside of your children, too. At one point in our busy lives, my wife and I realized that we had gone five years without so much as a three-day weekend together and, in truth, it had begun affecting how we related to one another.

Kids are wonderful. They should be nurtured and loved. But it is a mistake to make children the center of the family's life. After all, kids are ultimately guests in your life who, one day, will pack their car and move away. Meanwhile, it is the relationship between the two parents that needs to stand the test of time.

Just yesterday, we had a sad conversation with a longtime friend. As it turned out, their daughter would not be making it home for the holiday. These are parents who had centered their lives around their daughter. They never went on vacation without her. They insisted she be involved with just about anything. When she was young, she was very reluctant to trust the child to a sitter. Even when we had them over for a dinner party, she would call her daughter a couple of times during the evening to make sure she was okay.

Now? Their daughter is living her own life and there is a big, empty space in their lives. Rather than say, "Oh, too bad that she's not coming home. We'll miss her. But why don't we take that Caribbean vacation?" they instead chose to mope around the house and miss Avery. I know the time will come for my wife and me when we miss our kids at Christmas, but I'm pretty sure we'll be fine. For our relationship is built around us, rather than around that of raising kids.

Refusing to get away from the kids for a few days or even a week isn't unselfish. It's martyrdom.
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Old 12-29-2017, 08:11 AM
 
1,272 posts, read 934,617 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
There's two kinds of parenting - integrated would be adventurous and welcoming of the child so that would include them with vacations; and the other is compartmentalized - vacations without the child, someone has to babysit in order for the parent to get groceries, baby monitor instead of bringing the baby into the room, stuff like that. Throw in the mix, a single parent who may be accustomed to saying goodbye a lot because the child is going to the other single parent on weekends, then it seems logical they'd form a more compartmentalized way of thinking and their level of comfort is greater for being away for three weeks. For us, we were integrated but we also love adventure and teaching our children how to navigate the world. Vacations can be stressful because of the unknowns and that level of anxiety is compounded with a little one.
We do both.
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Old 12-29-2017, 08:14 AM
 
1,272 posts, read 934,617 times
Reputation: 3978
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver View Post
One week? No problem. It's healthy to get away from your children for a week and reconnect with your spouse and yourself. People who absolutely refuse to go anywhere without their children are doing themselves no favors.

Dumping one's child on near strangers for three weeks to go party in Europe? Your friend is a serious narcissist. I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with someone like that.
Exactly! It doesnít have to be never or 3 weeks. Some time away from the kids is healthy and on the practical side not all vacations are child friendly.
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