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Old 12-29-2017, 03:26 PM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,666 posts, read 773,026 times
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For me, it was more like our child traveled without us. By the age of five, we were putting her on a flight by herself to go visit the grandparents/great-grandparents/uncles/aunts/cousins. She flew back and forth 2-3 times a year after that. Of course, that was back in the mid 1970's and she was a highly self-reliant child. I don't think she missed us at all.
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Old 12-29-2017, 03:46 PM
 
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Interesting this thread should come up 25 years after this Illinois couple tried this.https://patch.com/illinois/stcharles...e-effects-last
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Old 12-29-2017, 05:37 PM
 
Location: here
24,473 posts, read 28,761,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
And there's nothing wrong with three weeks either...

To each his own.
IMO 3 weeks with another family is excessive unless there is a darn good reason. Even if you don't think 3 weeks is too long to leave the child, do you think it's ok to impose on another family for 3 weeks? I don't. Willing grand parents might be different.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Interestingly enough, many parents actually did leave their children for a year or sometimes more. Those in the upper classes would go on trips to Europe or America for months on end. Others left their homeland, leaving their families behind, to start a new life in another country.

To each his own is a great mantra for understanding that what works for me may not work for you.

Quite arrogant to believe only my way is the right way, wouldn't you say?
We live in the 21st century now where getting to the destination takes hours not weeks, and moving away from family doesn't mean never seeing them again.
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Old 12-30-2017, 03:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
IMO 3 weeks with another family is excessive unless there is a darn good reason. Even if you don't think 3 weeks is too long to leave the child, do you think it's ok to impose on another family for 3 weeks? I don't. Willing grand parents might be different.
I wouldn't mind watching someone's child for three weeks.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
We live in the 21st century now where getting to the destination takes hours not weeks, and moving away from family doesn't mean never seeing them again.
Point being: Those children were just fine without their parents for extended periods of time. They didn't have psychological issues or die because their parents weren't around, as has been suggested on this thread numerous times. We parents tend to put ourselves on quite a high pedestal as far as our children are concerned nowadays.
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Old 12-30-2017, 08:56 AM
 
Location: here
24,473 posts, read 28,761,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
I wouldn't mind watching someone's child for three weeks.




Point being: Those children were just fine without their parents for extended periods of time. They didn't have psychological issues or die because their parents weren't around, as has been suggested on this thread numerous times. We parents tend to put ourselves on quite a high pedestal as far as our children are concerned nowadays.
I would. I think most people would. Now, if it was a death in the family that required international travel, or something. Sure, I would help. If it was so single mom could go party in Europe? No.

You don't know that, and that can't possibly be true for every single child in that situation. You are also talking about a time and a class of people who had servants doing the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing. We live in 2017, when a single parent generally does all of that, minus a child care provider filling the gap between school and work hours, and where the single parent is probably the only other person even living in the home with the child. You are comparing leaving a child in their home, with all of the normal activity and care still happening, to taking a child out of their home, and away from their "normal" so mom can "party." The comparison is ridiculous on every level.
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Old 12-30-2017, 09:14 AM
 
27,995 posts, read 19,668,383 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I would. I think most people would. Now, if it was a death in the family that required international travel, or something. Sure, I would help. If it was so single mom could go party in Europe? No.

You don't know that, and that can't possibly be true for every single child in that situation. You are also talking about a time and a class of people who had servants doing the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing. We live in 2017, when a single parent generally does all of that, minus a child care provider filling the gap between school and work hours, and where the single parent is probably the only other person even living in the home with the child. You are comparing leaving a child in their home, with all of the normal activity and care still happening, to taking a child out of their home, and away from their "normal" so mom can "party." The comparison is ridiculous on every level.
Who said I was talking about every single child?

My point was that I do think we are little too attached at the hip with our kids today. We infantilize them too much IMHO. Whether you think my comparison is ridiculous or not is of little consequence. I see the results of this type of parenting and the older model of parenting with my older son's friends. Those who are raised to be more independent, not leaning on their parents, taught they are capable etc. are light years ahead of their peers whose moms and dads were the ones who couldn't possibly be away for any length of time. These are the same parents who won't let their kids do nearly anything because they could get hurt or an activity isn't a child's "job."
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Old 12-30-2017, 09:16 AM
 
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Oh and I honestly would never mind helping another parent out with childcare, even if it was for a few weeks. Maybe others would. To each his own. Again.
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Old 12-30-2017, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
19,050 posts, read 10,079,571 times
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Sorry but it's absurd to suggest that people who say it's wrong to leave a 5 year old with some random family for 3 weeks so her mother can go party are helicopter parents. And that it the situation in the OP. Not all of these other theoretical situations that have been suggested.

But I will point out that the comparison with the aristocracy who did little to raise their own kids is a huge fail, because in those cases, the children were left with a nanny or governess - a trusted adult who they had known for years and had spent more time with their their own parents. That doesn't even remotely resemble the circumstances of a 5 year old child of a single parent in 2017 who would be left for 3 weeks with some family the mom knows from school.

And it has zero to do with whether other parents would help, it has to do with the 5 year old being foisted off on a family she barely knows, so her mother can travel and party.

In any case, the original question was "do you travel without your kids." And most people said yes, but not for 3 weeks straight. Which is a perfectly reasonable answer to the question.
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Old 12-30-2017, 02:45 PM
 
Location: here
24,473 posts, read 28,761,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
I wouldn't mind watching someone's child for three weeks.




Point being: Those children were just fine without their parents for extended periods of time. They didn't have psychological issues or die because their parents weren't around, as has been suggested on this thread numerous times. We parents tend to put ourselves on quite a high pedestal as far as our children are concerned nowadays.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Who said I was talking about every single child?

My point was that I do think we are little too attached at the hip with our kids today. We infantilize them too much IMHO. Whether you think my comparison is ridiculous or not is of little consequence. I see the results of this type of parenting and the older model of parenting with my older son's friends. Those who are raised to be more independent, not leaning on their parents, taught they are capable etc. are light years ahead of their peers whose moms and dads were the ones who couldn't possibly be away for any length of time. These are the same parents who won't let their kids do nearly anything because they could get hurt or an activity isn't a child's "job."
You said they were fine. You couldn't possibly know that, which is more important than whether you meant every single one or not. Either way, the scenarios aren't similar in the slightest.

The child in the OP's scenario is 5, correct? Leaving a 5 year old with another family doesn't build independence. At 5, a child is still mostly dependent on adults. In this case, it would be different adults.

Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Sorry but it's absurd to suggest that people who say it's wrong to leave a 5 year old with some random family for 3 weeks so her mother can go party are helicopter parents. And that it the situation in the OP. Not all of these other theoretical situations that have been suggested.

But I will point out that the comparison with the aristocracy who did little to raise their own kids is a huge fail, because in those cases, the children were left with a nanny or governess - a trusted adult who they had known for years and had spent more time with their their own parents. That doesn't even remotely resemble the circumstances of a 5 year old child of a single parent in 2017 who would be left for 3 weeks with some family the mom knows from school.

And it has zero to do with whether other parents would help, it has to do with the 5 year old being foisted off on a family she barely knows, so her mother can travel and party.

In any case, the original question was "do you travel without your kids." And most people said yes, but not for 3 weeks straight. Which is a perfectly reasonable answer to the question.
This.
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Old 12-30-2017, 02:48 PM
 
Location: here
24,473 posts, read 28,761,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Oh and I honestly would never mind helping another parent out with childcare, even if it was for a few weeks. Maybe others would. To each his own. Again.
I find this hard to believe. Why would you willingly keep someone's child for 3 weeks so she could go party in another country? Does that not strike you as unnecessary and irresponsible? You wouldn't feel resentful, as you took on the cooking, laundering, homework help, bed time routine, etc. while mom partied it up?
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