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Old 12-21-2017, 01:53 PM
Status: "fernweh" (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: Brew City
2,570 posts, read 1,675,796 times
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Old 12-21-2017, 02:08 PM
 
10,027 posts, read 6,141,353 times
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I had pretty much one female BFF and then hung out with guys mostly. As an adult my friends are women, but in teen years I didn't care for girl drama. Guys were funnier and more laid back.
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Old 12-21-2017, 02:11 PM
 
10,027 posts, read 6,141,353 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rugrats2001 View Post
My personal experience is that girls with a preponderance of male friends have a hard time adjusting to a truly monogamous relationship or married life. These 'semi-platonic' friends usually feel free to give/receive back rubs, hugs, flirtatious smacks or other similar contact, foot rubs, watch movies, be a shoulder to cry on, someone to share confidences with, go out to dinner, etc., etc., that a true boyfriend/husband will not often find acceptable or amusing.

YMMV...
Didn't happen to me at all. Quite the opposite. I entered my monogamous relationship with my husband when I was 20 and that was 20 years ago. Still going strong. There is a difference between girls who hang out with boys for that kind of attention and girls who just prefer avoiding teen girl drama.

As a married woman, I still have male friends but we don't "hang out" much on our own because it doesn't seem appropriate. I have mostly friends who are other married moms because we have that in common
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Old 12-21-2017, 05:46 PM
 
426 posts, read 125,913 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rugrats2001 View Post
My personal experience is that girls with a preponderance of male friends have a hard time adjusting to a truly monogamous relationship or married life. These 'semi-platonic' friends usually feel free to give/receive back rubs, hugs, flirtatious smacks or other similar contact, foot rubs, watch movies, be a shoulder to cry on, someone to share confidences with, go out to dinner, etc., etc., that a true boyfriend/husband will not often find acceptable or amusing.

YMMV...


If a boyfriend/husband gets jealous over her watching movies, sharing feelings/embarrassing stuff, and going out to dinner with other male friends, they are not "true" boyfriends/husbands.
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Old 12-21-2017, 05:49 PM
 
426 posts, read 125,913 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nell Plotts View Post
Look at the quality of the friends, not their gender. If her friends get good grades, have high expectations and have good behavior count yourself blessed.

Normally I would agree with this thinking, but let me ask a follow-up question.

If the 15-year old girl's closest friends were all graduate school guys who got good grades in school, had high expectations, had good behavior, and there was no sexual interest, would you still count yourself blessed?
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Old 12-21-2017, 05:51 PM
 
426 posts, read 125,913 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annabanana123 View Post
I had far more guy friends than girls at her age. It wasn’t until I became a mom that the tides turned on that one. Girls were so much drama and I didn’t care about girly stuff but loved rock climbing and backpacking and sports. I honestly wouldn’t worry about it.

Why did the tides turn when you were a mom?
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Old 12-21-2017, 05:53 PM
 
426 posts, read 125,913 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Didn't happen to me at all. Quite the opposite. I entered my monogamous relationship with my husband when I was 20 and that was 20 years ago. Still going strong. There is a difference between girls who hang out with boys for that kind of attention and girls who just prefer avoiding teen girl drama.

As a married woman, I still have male friends but we don't "hang out" much on our own because it doesn't seem appropriate. I have mostly friends who are other married moms because we have that in common


If you have been married for 20 years with no issues, there's no reason it isn't appropriate for you to hang out on your own with another guy.
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Old 12-21-2017, 07:22 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
2,745 posts, read 1,080,290 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rugrats2001 View Post
My personal experience is that girls with a preponderance of male friends have a hard time adjusting to a truly monogamous relationship or married life. These 'semi-platonic' friends usually feel free to give/receive back rubs, hugs, flirtatious smacks or other similar contact, foot rubs, watch movies, be a shoulder to cry on, someone to share confidences with, go out to dinner, etc., etc., that a true boyfriend/husband will not often find acceptable or amusing.
Hugs are a normal greeting in guy/girl friendships. But other interactions seem to be pushing it in terms of being platonic . I (male) don't give rubs/massages to my women friends. Well, me and one woman friend sometimes cuddle while watching movies in a theater, but our friendship just evolved that way, out of comfort with each other. We don't do anything more, I don't escalate the cuddling, and I don't cuddle with other women friends. Then again, we're adults. If a teenage girl has lots of guy friends who all like to give her rubs, there's a possibility that they're in it specially for that, with hopes of it leading to more.

With that said, friendships shouldn't be discriminated based on gender. If a girl gets along better with guys than girls, let her be friends with them. Nothing bad about that. Just make sure she knows the value of boundaries and enforces them judiciously.
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Old 12-21-2017, 07:27 PM
 
426 posts, read 125,913 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Hugs are a normal greeting in guy/girl friendships. But other interactions seem to be pushing it in terms of being platonic . I (male) don't give rubs/massages to my women friends. Well, me and one woman friend sometimes cuddle while watching movies in a theater, but our friendship just evolved that way, out of comfort with each other. We don't do anything more, I don't escalate the cuddling, and I don't cuddle with other women friends. Then again, we're adults. If a teenage girl has lots of guy friends who all like to give her rubs, there's a possibility that they're in it specially for that, with hopes of it leading to more.

With that said, friendships shouldn't be discriminated based on gender. If a girl gets along better with guys than girls, let her be friends with them. Nothing bad about that. Just make sure she knows the value of boundaries and enforces them judiciously.

If a girl wants a massage, she should get one. It can come from a friend.

It just needs to be clear that their friendship isn't dependent on the girl putting out.
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Old 12-21-2017, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
2,745 posts, read 1,080,290 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zesty2 View Post
If a girl wants a massage, she should get one. It can come from a friend.

It just needs to be clear that their friendship isn't dependent on the girl putting out.
I know that. Asking a friend, male or female, for a massage and getting it is totally fine. In which case, the massage has to have boundaries in place. I was referring more to scenarios where multiple guys are friends with a girl because she lets them massage her. Or where she enjoys the attention from them, and is stringing them along.
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