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Old 12-21-2017, 07:40 PM
 
426 posts, read 116,828 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
I know that. Asking a friend, male or female, for a massage and getting it is totally fine. In which case, the massage has to have boundaries in place. I was referring more to scenarios where multiple guys are friends with a girl because she lets them massage her. Or where she enjoys the attention from them, and is stringing them along.


It's possible that's true too.
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Old 12-21-2017, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Californicating Midland, TX since 2017
6,413 posts, read 10,593,867 times
Reputation: 4647
My wife was this way when she was a teenager, all of her friends were almost exclusively male and did mostly male-oriented activities with them like computer gaming (and she grew up in China of all places where this tendency has traditionally been frowned upon.) She says she did well in math and science but struggled with the other subjects in school, which is more typical of boys. She didn't start making friends with other females until well into college. Even today, her platonic friends are a little more skewed towards men than women but this has never even been an issue in our relationship.

OP, I'd be more concerned if your daughter is hanging around guys exclusively to attract their attention than to engage in guy-type activities like sports or computer gaming. Usually the girls who do the latter simply find that they connect better with guys than other girls.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Didn't happen to me at all. Quite the opposite. I entered my monogamous relationship with my husband when I was 20 and that was 20 years ago. Still going strong. There is a difference between girls who hang out with boys for that kind of attention and girls who just prefer avoiding teen girl drama.

As a married woman, I still have male friends but we don't "hang out" much on our own because it doesn't seem appropriate. I have mostly friends who are other married moms because we have that in common
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Old 12-21-2017, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Chicago
5,412 posts, read 8,005,948 times
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No, I don't think it's a concern if you get to know her friends (boy or girl) and they are kind, safe, without ulterior motives.

BTW, I have a 15 y.o. daughter who has a large group of great friends (who happen to all be girls) and they are drama free, and they play sports - basketball, ice hockey, lacrosse, street hockey, ski, hike, camp, rockclimb - and they are strong in STEM - in calculus, engineering, robotics and coding clubs...

Just wanted to relate my experiences with today's teenage girls...

Last edited by GoCUBS1; 12-21-2017 at 10:31 PM..
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Old 12-21-2017, 11:54 PM
 
426 posts, read 116,828 times
Reputation: 229
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoCUBS1 View Post
No, I don't think it's a concern if you get to know her friends (boy or girl) and they are kind, safe, without ulterior motives.

BTW, I have a 15 y.o. daughter who has a large group of great friends (who happen to all be girls) and they are drama free, and they play sports - basketball, ice hockey, lacrosse, street hockey, ski, hike, camp, rockclimb - and they are strong in STEM - in calculus, engineering, robotics and coding clubs...

Just wanted to relate my experiences with today's teenage girls...


15-year olds don't do calculus.

I'm glad your girls are smart, but don't exaggerate.
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Old 12-22-2017, 06:05 AM
 
2,445 posts, read 861,563 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zesty2 View Post
If a boyfriend/husband gets jealous over her watching movies, sharing feelings/embarrassing stuff, and going out to dinner with other male friends, they are not "true" boyfriends/husbands.
That's just pure BS! Imagime my wife going to a movie with a male friend? You kidding me? Nothing platonic about leaving your spouse to go hang out with the opposite sex.

Yeah, honey,I'm going out to go hunting with my lady friend. I will see you tonight after I spend all day alone with her, hunting. That won't sit too well with most couples.

Old friends, especially of the opposite sex, need to stay away. Just playing with fire, and causing insecurity and conflict into the marriage.

This nonsense of sharing feelings, or talking about each other's spouses is way gone in HS. You need someone to talk to,go see a counselor.

As for the OP, there has to be some boundaries. When she does date, or when she gets older, this kind of behaviour will raise eye brows.will cause marital problems. Will cause conflict. Can put her in a dangerous place, like drunk sex, or assault.

Men and women are not the same,don't look at sex the same. Just imagine if your daughter does get involved in a serious relationship, but one of her male friends
-starts talking crap to her new man, or -
-feels that friendship came first than her relationship, or
- her male friend knows too much about the personal relationship?

This will cause too much conflict, and she will just look like the bad person.
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Old 12-22-2017, 06:17 AM
 
2,445 posts, read 861,563 times
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All this massage crap,hugs, sharing feelings, do it with the same sex.

I would never have a same sex friend give me a massage! Ruby feet,hug and cuddle,all this extra ,like a couple but not a couple.sharing feelings? Man, myale friends will laugh at me. I think if I were a female, my girlfriend's would laugh at me too.

Boys are friends with girls, cause they want to get some,or catch a feel. Only to go home and have sex in his own hand!

Some of these kids are not skilled in courting, not skilled in dating, this is practice! Life ain't black and white! The opposite sex mix it up for one thing only. Unless it's work friends,school friends,that you see and say hi for a few minutes, should not be happening.
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Old 12-22-2017, 06:21 AM
 
Location: Brew Town
2,163 posts, read 1,502,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zesty2 View Post
15-year olds don't do calculus.

I'm glad your girls are smart, but don't exaggerate.
I forgot, it's illegal for 15 year olds. 1-14 16-200, you're fine. But try doing calculus at 15 and you'll be brought up on charges before you can say Leibniz . Because what happens at my school is obviously the law of the land.
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Old 12-22-2017, 06:56 AM
 
2,141 posts, read 1,033,848 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zesty2 View Post
Why did the tides turn when you were a mom?
By then most of the girl drama was gone and I had a lot more in common with other moms. Kids are a great equalizer. Now there are still some I donít hang out with because of the drama but most have outgrown that by now.
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Old 12-22-2017, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Chicago
5,412 posts, read 8,005,948 times
Reputation: 6326
Quote:
Originally Posted by zesty2 View Post
15-year olds don't do calculus.

I'm glad your girls are smart, but don't exaggerate.
WRONG... My daughter and her friends are in the GT program and in Calculus now.
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Old 12-22-2017, 10:43 AM
 
14,982 posts, read 16,048,326 times
Reputation: 14563
Quote:
Originally Posted by zesty2 View Post
15-year olds don't do calculus.

I'm glad your girls are smart, but don't exaggerate.
Wrong. In many schools now, 15 year olds do calculus as their math class. My son and his peers did when they were in high school back in the 1980s. Most kids are not doing calculus at 15, but some do it even earlier in their lives.
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