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Old 12-23-2017, 11:44 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,717 posts, read 1,616,711 times
Reputation: 12661

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Quote:
Originally Posted by hennetha View Post
I have a 15 year old and she does well in school and is very smart/intelligent and is overall happy, but one thing that bothers me is her lack of girlfriends. She does have one that she spends time with, but she also has more guy friends that she does stuff with as well. When I have talked with her she just says she likes hanging out with guys more. Would that concern you? I have met the boys and they do seem nice.
Of course, she likes the guy friends more.

The guy friends are ... friendlier. This isn't a conspiracy & I doubt either your daughter or the boys are even aware of it yet but they have a great deal more motivation to be friendly than any girl would.

I have 16-year-old twin girls who hold leadership positions in Robotics & who's primary athletic endeavor is Rock Climbing.

One has an equal amount of guy/girlfriends, the other has always had a preponderance of guy friends. I wondered for a while if this was a generational thing as most of my peers were much more polarized with same-gender friendships.

I wasn't but there was a reason for that & it doesn't sound like your daughter is "like me" & that's a good thing.

Anyway; my atypical teenage years have lent me a bit of perspective on this. I decided to keep my mouth shut/eyes open & just observe ... Their very first phone calls were from little boys. They probably go to more boy's birthday parties than girls & get invited to more "hang-out" events from boys. Their rock-climbing peers are 4:1 boys to girls. Same with Robotics.

Firstly; I love these kids. They are a great group of young people; successful & motivated & this is boys & girls. Their peers literally make the news; from full-ride scholarships at MIT to perfect scores on SAT's ... they are just awesome kids.

That being said ... they are all oblivious! Observations from the back of the room:

DD: At a table sitting with 2 girls & 5 boys. Animated conversations, laughter ... DD gets up from table to get Muppet-Bot ready for demo & a small gaggle of boys forms behind her, trailing out of the room. DD re-appears ... holding one item, the gaggle of boys is hot on her heels with absolutely everything else needed for demo. This continues all day long. DD is unaware that she looks like a mamma duck with a bunch of stumbling ducklings trying to keep up & the boys appear to be unaware that they look like a bunch of moths following the flame.

My casual comment "Didn't realize you had so many Groupies" ... went right over-head.

Both daughters play musical instruments. The band teacher must be thrilled that so many kids not involved in the music program are now attending concerts. Every concert. For the last three years. And they bring flowers. Me: "Who gave you those?" DD: "Andy did!" Me: "Oh, are you dating Andy now"? DD:" OMG MOM NOOO! He's my frieeeeend!"

See; that's why I don't say much anymore. It's always "OMG MOM, NOOO! He's my frieeeeend!"

Pick your battles. It could be worse. It could be a lot worse. When I was their age, my "friends" made the news too, for all the wrong reasons.
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Old 12-23-2017, 06:21 PM
 
426 posts, read 130,195 times
Reputation: 229
Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
Of course, she likes the guy friends more.

The guy friends are ... friendlier. This isn't a conspiracy & I doubt either your daughter or the boys are even aware of it yet but they have a great deal more motivation to be friendly than any girl would.

I have 16-year-old twin girls who hold leadership positions in Robotics & who's primary athletic endeavor is Rock Climbing.

One has an equal amount of guy/girlfriends, the other has always had a preponderance of guy friends. I wondered for a while if this was a generational thing as most of my peers were much more polarized with same-gender friendships.

I wasn't but there was a reason for that & it doesn't sound like your daughter is "like me" & that's a good thing.

Anyway; my atypical teenage years have lent me a bit of perspective on this. I decided to keep my mouth shut/eyes open & just observe ... Their very first phone calls were from little boys. They probably go to more boy's birthday parties than girls & get invited to more "hang-out" events from boys. Their rock-climbing peers are 4:1 boys to girls. Same with Robotics.

Firstly; I love these kids. They are a great group of young people; successful & motivated & this is boys & girls. Their peers literally make the news; from full-ride scholarships at MIT to perfect scores on SAT's ... they are just awesome kids.

That being said ... they are all oblivious! Observations from the back of the room:

DD: At a table sitting with 2 girls & 5 boys. Animated conversations, laughter ... DD gets up from table to get Muppet-Bot ready for demo & a small gaggle of boys forms behind her, trailing out of the room. DD re-appears ... holding one item, the gaggle of boys is hot on her heels with absolutely everything else needed for demo. This continues all day long. DD is unaware that she looks like a mamma duck with a bunch of stumbling ducklings trying to keep up & the boys appear to be unaware that they look like a bunch of moths following the flame.

My casual comment "Didn't realize you had so many Groupies" ... went right over-head.

Both daughters play musical instruments. The band teacher must be thrilled that so many kids not involved in the music program are now attending concerts. Every concert. For the last three years. And they bring flowers. Me: "Who gave you those?" DD: "Andy did!" Me: "Oh, are you dating Andy now"? DD:" OMG MOM NOOO! He's my frieeeeend!"

See; that's why I don't say much anymore. It's always "OMG MOM, NOOO! He's my frieeeeend!"

Pick your battles. It could be worse. It could be a lot worse. When I was their age, my "friends" made the news too, for all the wrong reasons.

What's wrong with people's friends liking them?
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Old 12-23-2017, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,583 posts, read 535,732 times
Reputation: 2821
I had more guy friends in high school. Couldn't stand some of the girls need for social climbing. I just wanted to hang and have fun, go camping, biking, play pool, Foosball, bowling, pinball. Didn't want to sit around and fool with makeup and talk mean about other girls.. Not that I wasn't girly, just didn't make it my life obsessing about it.
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Old 01-05-2018, 12:54 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,655 times
Reputation: 10
Want to say thanks for the responses. I feel a lot better now. I should note that my daughter has had trouble with mean girls before.
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Old 01-08-2018, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Texas
5,322 posts, read 1,909,629 times
Reputation: 11324
Quote:
Originally Posted by hennetha View Post
Want to say thanks for the responses. I feel a lot better now. I should note that my daughter has had trouble with mean girls before.
I had trouble with mean girl cliques in college and got a few male friends, after that. My friendships with guys were good because there was no competition or jealousy.
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Old 01-10-2018, 08:44 AM
 
Location: New York
621 posts, read 339,929 times
Reputation: 1557
OP - what are your daughter's interests/hobbies? In elementary and middle school, my hobbies were (in no particular order): Model rocket making, playing in a band, reading, remote-controlled cars, computers and computer games, sports/hiking/adventuring, camping, fishing, shooting, etc etc.

Because of this, my childhood friends were mostly boys. We just gravitated towards the same activities. When I went away to camp one summer, I remember getting teased by some boys for signing up for the shooting class until I challenged them to see who could hit the middle of a bottle cap with a .22. Guess who won.

Bottom line to the OP is I wouldn't worry about it too much - not all kids have the same interests, and that's fine. Maybe I'm naive, but I think it's better to focus on encouraging good, meaningful friendships rather than whether the friends are boys or girls.
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Old 01-10-2018, 09:03 AM
 
Location: The analog world
14,664 posts, read 8,293,931 times
Reputation: 19768
Quote:
Originally Posted by hennetha View Post
I have a 15 year old and she does well in school and is very smart/intelligent and is overall happy, but one thing that bothers me is her lack of girlfriends. She does have one that she spends time with, but she also has more guy friends that she does stuff with as well. When I have talked with her she just says she likes hanging out with guys more. Would that concern you? I have met the boys and they do seem nice.
Not in isolation. My daughter also typically preferred the friendship of boys over girls when she was younger, which may have been tied to having only brothers. Also, navigating girl friendships at that age can be very challenging, and some girls just feel more comfortable opting out. With my own daughter, her friend group changed when she entered college and now includes both genders.
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Old 01-15-2018, 01:29 PM
 
426 posts, read 130,195 times
Reputation: 229
Quote:
Originally Posted by hennetha View Post
Want to say thanks for the responses. I feel a lot better now. I should note that my daughter has had trouble with mean girls before.

NOW she tells us!

On a serious note, what sorts of trouble has she had? Can you be more specific?
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Old 01-15-2018, 01:32 PM
 
426 posts, read 130,195 times
Reputation: 229
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
Not in isolation. My daughter also typically preferred the friendship of boys over girls when she was younger, which may have been tied to having only brothers. Also, navigating girl friendships at that age can be very challenging, and some girls just feel more comfortable opting out. With my own daughter, her friend group changed when she entered college and now includes both genders.


Collge is a very poor place to evaluate compatibility because the majority of them are so whiny.

I read a story once where students were mad about what a teacher said and one of them even said, "Here's where you say sorry"
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Old 01-15-2018, 04:32 PM
 
Location: The analog world
14,664 posts, read 8,293,931 times
Reputation: 19768
Quote:
Originally Posted by zesty2 View Post
Collge is a very poor place to evaluate compatibility because the majority of them are so whiny.

I read a story once where students were mad about what a teacher said and one of them even said, "Here's where you say sorry"
I don't follow your point here. Can you elaborate, please? What I'm trying to say is that people grow, and their interests and friend groups change accordingly over time. Personally, I would not be terribly concerned about a young woman who prefers the company of boys in the absence of other behaviors that cause alarm.
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