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Old 12-26-2017, 09:19 AM
 
Location: CA, OR & WA (Best Coast)
267 posts, read 187,431 times
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A very successful friend of mine is married with child (40's). Her father lives a more modest life but always pays for the family’s meals. I have other friends who are in their mid-30s who also let the parents pay for meals (his and her parents.)

I’m shocked at this behavior. My father is retired in his 70’s and has done ok, above average but not early retirement or anything. He comes to visit twice a year for a week at a time. When he does he pays for nothing (including meals.) I cant remember how long I've footed the bill for my parents but its been a long time, probably since my mid 20's

I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 and never looked back. My friends mentioned above were both sent away to college (Parents paid for everything.) Is that the difference?

How does it work with your family?
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Old 12-26-2017, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
2,980 posts, read 2,720,323 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyberous View Post
A very successful friend of mine is married with child (40's). Her father lives a more modest life but always pays for the family’s meals. I have other friends who are in their mid-30s who also let the parents pay for meals (his and her parents.)

I’m shocked at this behavior. My father is retired in his 70’s and has done ok, above average but not early retirement or anything. He comes to visit twice a year for a week at a time. When he does he pays for nothing (including meals.) I cant remember how long I've footed the bill for my parents but its been a long time, probably since my mid 20's

I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 and never looked back. My friends mentioned above were both sent away to college (Parents paid for everything.) Is that the difference?

How does it work with your family?
My husband's parents pay for us when they've invited us out for lunch or dinner. They've always been like this and they wouldn't have it any other way. My mom and her husband expect my husband to pay (we have separate accounts and they are aware of this). Back when my husband and I were just dating, my mom and her husband invited us out to a pretty expensive place. My sister was in town visiting. They paid for her meal and we had to pay for ours. We barely made it out of the parking garage that day.
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Old 12-26-2017, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
36,884 posts, read 35,640,727 times
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We trade off. Sometimes we pay, sometimes the parents pay, sometimes we split.

My grandfather would have rather you shot him in the face than pay for your own meal. He had this very strong idea about being the patriarch, and that he should pay for "the family" when we were all out together.

One year my husband secretly got the waitress to bring our check to him, and he paid without my grandfather knowing it, and he got SOOOOOOO mad at us.

We never tried that again LOL.
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Old 12-26-2017, 09:45 AM
 
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We eat out frequently with my in-laws, and who pays generally depends on who invited whom. Often we'll pick up the tab; other times they say "this is on us." It all evens out in the end and no one is keeping score.
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Old 12-26-2017, 10:04 AM
 
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In my family, the parents pay. When my family (myself, wife, and 3 young children) visit with my parents, whether at their place or mine, my parents always pick up the tab if we go out to eat. Sometimes my brother and his fiancé join when they're in town and they pay for them too.


When we go out to eat, we don't go to expensive places (think Applebee's, Olive Garden, and local places in that price range - ~$15-25 per person). My parents are pretty well off so they see it as treating us to a meal out. They are (and I am to an extent) frugal, so we'd never eat somewhere expensive. We normally see them every month or so and eat out about half of those times.


When my grandparents were still alive on my moms side, they would pick up the tab for everyone during family get-togethers (my parents, my family, cousins and their families, aunts, and uncles). They were pretty wealthy however so it wasn't a big deal to them.


With my wife's parents, we don't normally eat out as her mom loves to cook. However, the handful of times that we have the last 15 years, they've paid.
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Old 12-26-2017, 10:04 AM
 
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Both my parents and my inlaws always insist on paying. We have tried to fight it but it’s a losing battle so now we just let them. Both are well off enough that it’s not a big deal
To them.
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Old 12-26-2017, 10:15 AM
 
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When my dad was alive and we would go out to eat, he would insist on paying. Sometimes he won, sometimes he didn't. Even when I brought home take out, he would want to give me money. Told him no, I wouldn't accept it. He was in his 70s and retired.
My son is 20 and I still pay for him on the occasional times we go out to eat. Or if I'm eating out solo, I'll pick up something for him. He works, so I like to make sure he has something to eat once he gets home .
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Old 12-26-2017, 10:28 AM
 
Location: St. Louis, MO
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It seems to depend. If we are going out to dinner with my kids, husband, and my mother and her husband... my husband and I pay our own way.

However, if I'm out with just my mother and the kids, she will pay for lunch for everybody. I have told her in the past I didn't mind paying our own way, but this is how she explained it;

Her own mother used to pay for coffee/lunch for her and her sister (when they were adults) if she was out with them. My mother said she mentioned once to her mother that she didn't have to pay... but her mother said she wanted to pay. She could afford it more easily at her stage in life, and it wasn't like she could take the money with her when she passed. She would rather get to treat her adult daughters to weekly lunch/coffee and spend time with them, than have a few exta dollars left to her name when she passed.


ETA: My husband and I pay our own way when we are with his mom. However, when FIL was alive, they used to always insist on paying for us. Since his untimely passing though (prior to retirement age, much earlier than expected), money has been a lot tighter for MIL, so we no longer expect it and she no longer offers, which is fine by us.
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Old 12-26-2017, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Texas
4,727 posts, read 1,660,784 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyberous View Post
A very successful friend of mine is married with child (40's). Her father lives a more modest life but always pays for the family’s meals. I have other friends who are in their mid-30s who also let the parents pay for meals (his and her parents.)

I’m shocked at this behavior.
And to be honest, that is between your friend and her father. Perhaps it makes him feel good to provide something for his daughter and grandchildren. You don't have to do the same, but families do things differently.
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Old 12-26-2017, 10:47 AM
 
Location: CA, OR & WA (Best Coast)
267 posts, read 187,431 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
And to be honest, that is between your friend and her father. Perhaps it makes him feel good to provide something for his daughter and grandchildren. You don't have to do the same, but families do things differently.
I agree. I don't condone her, but it was such just a shock to me so it got me thinking about what was "normal" Sounds like most people share. I think I'll make my dad start paying
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