U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-28-2017, 12:35 PM
 
969 posts, read 662,121 times
Reputation: 1417

Advertisements

To "LLCNYC", actually it was just him but, no way you could've known if I wasn't that clear but, it was because of his statements in his first high school. Well they not in foster care, but if the mom loses it, which she is prone to do, well I worry..

To "ClaraC", you are right, I am far more bonded with my son and, stepdaughter than the stepson. Mainly because any leniency, or attempt to reach out over the years (regardless lf who it's from) has resulted in worse behavior. So yes, it would be plainly obvious how much I want my son vs. the other 2. I mean I do love her, I always told her you the daughter I would want but, the stepdaughter is going away to college next year (already got scholarships lined up)...

...but I gotta come clean too, I treat the kid (stepson) legally well. I don't hit, or berate him, the most I might do is hide the computer cuz' he's on it 13 hours a day instead of doing school work. ...and after quite a few times of hearing all kinds of judgemental stuff, or people telling us they don't want to associate with him it gets frustrating. ...I don't like him... I don't like him at all... nobody I met that does... it's obvious and, "ClaraC" is right to suggest the courts would look at me with heistation... or call me out on it...

...still even when their mom was institutionalized I didn't just throw my hands up in the air and say oh well they other people's kids. No they still needed a roof, clothes, food, help with the homework, which I always gave and still did. I would absolutely care and provide for all 3...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-28-2017, 03:22 PM
 
Location: la la land
26,912 posts, read 11,241,350 times
Reputation: 19165
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
A man who lives with a sibling group for 10 years and only wants his own biological child is often a red flag - all this is taken into account by the court when they make a decision about what is in the best interests of all 3 kids.
Huh? He has no legal right to even visitation with his step kids, they are not related to him and he didn't adopt them. How would you suggest that he proceed in a fight to get custody of kids that he has no legal claim to?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-28-2017, 04:18 PM
 
969 posts, read 662,121 times
Reputation: 1417
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2sleepy View Post
Huh? He has no legal right to even visitation with his step kids, they are not related to him and he didn't adopt them. How would you suggest that he proceed in a fight to get custody of kids that he has no legal claim to?
Well, separatesd but, still married... I was the legal guardian for all those years, but yes this is a completely valid question. I mean a judge would not be ...very... ridiculous to say, "Yea you want your son but what about the other 2". I didn't adopt them. The mom has a checkered mental history, their father is an unemployed, homeless loser who lives in the garage or something of one his friend's mom and hasn't paid **** in child support. He wires them like $200 thru Western Union at Christmas time and he thinks he's worth something.

Huge point of concern is that he still 6. Once he reaches 12 and can use buses, for how I've treated him I know he will fly to me... that time is a long way off...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-28-2017, 04:32 PM
 
6,579 posts, read 2,562,752 times
Reputation: 18021
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2sleepy View Post
Huh? He has no legal right to even visitation with his step kids, they are not related to him and he didn't adopt them. How would you suggest that he proceed in a fight to get custody of kids that he has no legal claim to?
In family court, if the mother is deemed incapable of full custody of the kids, the court starts looking around for someone who knows the kids well who will take them. In this case, a stepfather is in very good standing to be the kid's caregivers, if not adopt them outright. Especially the stepfather that has been married to the mother and living in the same household as the now teenagers for 10 years.

If the mother is fully capable and CPS wasn't involved, that's a different story. This isn't a capable mother and CPS has already removed at least one of the kids, maybe just temporarily.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-28-2017, 04:34 PM
 
6,579 posts, read 2,562,752 times
Reputation: 18021
Quote:
Originally Posted by RageX View Post
Well, separatesd but, still married... I was the legal guardian for all those years, but yes this is a completely valid question. I mean a judge would not be ...very... ridiculous to say, "Yea you want your son but what about the other 2". I didn't adopt them. The mom has a checkered mental history, their father is an unemployed, homeless loser who lives in the garage or something of one his friend's mom and hasn't paid **** in child support. He wires them like $200 thru Western Union at Christmas time and he thinks he's worth something.

Huge point of concern is that he still 6. Once he reaches 12 and can use buses, for how I've treated him I know he will fly to me... that time is a long way off...
By that, do you mean he's an airline trip away from you? Did you move away from the family?

(Maybe you meant "fly to me" figuratively).

If you moved a significant distance away from your child, that's another pretty black mark on your scoresheet, Rage.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-28-2017, 04:50 PM
 
Location: la la land
26,912 posts, read 11,241,350 times
Reputation: 19165
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
In family court, if the mother is deemed incapable of full custody of the kids, the court starts looking around for someone who knows the kids well who will take them. In this case, a stepfather is in very good standing to be the kid's caregivers, if not adopt them outright. Especially the stepfather that has been married to the mother and living in the same household as the now teenagers for 10 years. If the mother is fully capable and CPS wasn't involved, that's a different story. This isn't a capable mother and CPS has already removed at least one of the kids, maybe just temporarily.
Once again, the step parent has no legal rights to the kids. The only time he would be given a 'guardianship of the kids is if mom was incapacitated or dead and there were no other family members who could take the kids.

And CPS was called, but the child was not in foster care, you are the only one who ever made that claim & it was in response to this post by the OP

Quote:
Originally Posted by RageX View Post
The older stepson acquired CPS attention because he failed his entire first semester of high school, made suicidal statements, led the school staff literally on a chase, got kicked out of that school, then cries to the counselor of his second high school that he wants to be in foster care, even though his school performance is even worse there now that I am out of the picture.
The OP went on to clarify in post #32 that the kid was not in foster care.

Proving to the court that you are the best parent for your own child to live with is doable and the OP should work toward that goal, but proving that this mother is so messed up that the OP should be awarded custody of his step-children would be a daunting task and would likely fail.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-28-2017, 04:59 PM
 
Location: la la land
26,912 posts, read 11,241,350 times
Reputation: 19165
Quote:
Originally Posted by RageX View Post
Well, separatesd but, still married... I was the legal guardian for all those years, but yes this is a completely valid question. I mean a judge would not be ...very... ridiculous to say, "Yea you want your son but what about the other 2". I didn't adopt them. The mom has a checkered mental history, their father is an unemployed, homeless loser who lives in the garage or something of one his friend's mom and hasn't paid **** in child support. He wires them like $200 thru Western Union at Christmas time and he thinks he's worth something.

Huge point of concern is that he still 6. Once he reaches 12 and can use buses, for how I've treated him I know he will fly to me... that time is a long way off...
Well, there you go if the step kids have a dad and if the kids were taken from their mom then he would presumed to be fit to take custody of them, you just don't have a claim to them so no matter what anyone tells you, let go of the idea of getting custody of them, and the court doesn't really have a test for employment or homelessness for a birth parent, they are his kids so if she can't take care of them then he would get them

But I'm concerned about your 6 year old being this far away from you, how long has that been going on? If you moved away from him you just added a huge complication to getting full custody. The courts do not want to take a kid out of school and away from his friends, your best bet right now would be to get a regular visitation during school holidays and summer vacation and go from there, better yet move back to where your son lives.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-28-2017, 05:06 PM
 
969 posts, read 662,121 times
Reputation: 1417
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
By that, do you mean he's an airline trip away from you? Did you move away from the family?

(Maybe you meant "fly to me" figuratively).

If you moved a significant distance away from your child, that's another pretty black mark on your scoresheet, Rage.
That was figurative. I have stayed geographically very close, their emotional well being means more to me than my financial well being. That is I am financially healthy but, I didn't pursue -even more- money far away cuz' more money (past a healthy amount that is) wouldn't be of much use if we didn't see eachother. I have documents and a professional history that largely verifies this. EDIT: quite a few logistical details were left out of course... and things could always be a whole hell of a lot worse. He still bounce runs up to me when I do see him saying, "I love you Daddy!".

One friend of mine, a fellow veteran out in Cali, his wife played the "dangerous veteran" card with him, much worse since he actually filed with the VA to collect PTSD money... he got the money but, it bit him in the ass as far as custody goes. She moved to Texas. He still in Cali. He ain't seen his daughter who is 7 now, in almost 5 years. They don't know eachother...

Last edited by RageX; 12-28-2017 at 05:21 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-28-2017, 05:50 PM
 
Location: la la land
26,912 posts, read 11,241,350 times
Reputation: 19165
Quote:
Originally Posted by RageX View Post
That was figurative. I have stayed geographically very close, their emotional well being means more to me than my financial well being. That is I am financially healthy but, I didn't pursue -even more- money far away cuz' more money (past a healthy amount that is) wouldn't be of much use if we didn't see eachother. I have documents and a professional history that largely verifies this. EDIT: quite a few logistical details were left out of course... and things could always be a whole hell of a lot worse. He still bounce runs up to me when I do see him saying, "I love you Daddy!".
Ok, that's good, I'm glad you still live near him. How often do you see your son now? Can you increase the time share without going to court? The reason I ask is that if you can go to court with a calendar showing you've had him 25% or 30% of the time, then 50% (shared custody) would be easy. Once you get shared custody you just need to document everything she does that is detrimental to your son, and if possible get him into counseling, a counselors recommendation that you have full custody would definitely impress the court.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-28-2017, 06:27 PM
 
969 posts, read 662,121 times
Reputation: 1417
Well, I'm lucky I usually get to see him the entirety of most weekends. There's some families that have no drama that don't get to see eachother that much (professional, military, etc...) Also, the school knows I am more proactive with his school work but, I can't count on them. I live relative near him and, his school and the school has a civil rapport with me.

EDIT: but since I haven't go through custody hearings, nothing is on paper so, she could just decide to lose her<bleep> and say no for weeks or months...

I didn't do any 3rd party stuff for my son yet... I just wish judges would take his word. I didn't have to coach or teach him, he figured it out on his own, "Daddy hugs me, kiss me, play with me, teach me math and, reading, and writing and, he is the smartest, cutest Daddy." I ask about his mom, "She doesn't do anything!"

Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-29-2017 at 07:58 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top