Father Opened Up Her Gifts And Took One Away (teenagers, games, parents)

[ylisa7]

Originally Posted by SullyinOhio

Have you tried asking him how she liked the book? From the reviews, it seems fairly innocuous. Books are great gifts for teens. You mentioned that she had “some issues”, but I wonder about his issues too. If possible, ask him about it, there may be a perfectly good reason behind it.

No. I am pleasant enough to him when I visit but I don't like him so I'd rather not say anything. That's why I'm here venting. It might also be too late now.

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by ylisa7

Maybe so but I believe he also enabled his crazy wife as she never got help until she was gone and away from him. It doesn't bode well that 5 females lived with him and they all have problems.

I'm trying to figure out the relationship here. Is the Dad your husband's brother?

Although he does seem controlling, it's possible these girls inherited mental illness from their mother, and he's left to deal with the fallout of that.

[ylisa7]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

I'm trying to figure out the relationship here. Is the Dad your husband's brother?

Although he does seem controlling, it's possible these girls inherited mental illness from their mother, and he's left to deal with the fallout of that.

Yes he is my husband's brother.

There may not have been fallout if they all got help way back when. Instead they are afraid of him and are not self sufficient at all. The girls all seem to have a love/hate/fear relationship with him. But yes some if the issues that these girls have seem to come from the mother. She was always taking them to the doctor.

[JrzDefector]

Well, he had a bunch of kids with a mentally ill woman. He likes that control it gives him - the wife is gone, so now he gets that from the daughters. Therapy for his daughter would "embarrass" him? Oh hell no, this guy is not a good person. He's basically ensuring that they can't function on their own and that no one would want to take a chance on helping them. He's just not crossing the line into out and out abuse. They all need to get out of that house, but it seems unlikely that will happen.

I'm sorry, OP.

[bande1102]

Eh, I didn't like the book. Personally, it's not one I'd choose for my child.

I think you should ask your husband's perspective on how to get along with his brother.

I think it would be infinitely more helpful to your niece if you were to connect with her father and, together, give her a supportive environment. I don't like the dynamic of you + teenaged daughter vs father. You don't have to like the father or agree with his parenting style. But obviously you both love his daughter. Start with that shared love and expand outward. I think he could use some help.

I appreciate your desire to help, but you really don't know what's going on with that family. Are you a parent? Have you parented teens?

Now, if there is abuse going on in the family, then you have to step up and do the right thing. Whether that is contacting social services or notifying the school or whatever needs to be done.

[ForLoveOnly]

Originally Posted by ylisa7

No it's a controlling thing.

It sucks that your have to battle to be there for your niece. I think the book was a great idea. I also think your niece is lucky to have you.

[Zymer]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

Although he does seem controlling, it's possible these girls inherited mental illness from their mother, and he's left to deal with the fallout of that.

It sounds more like *he* is the *cause* of the mental issues for all of them, including the mother.

[HighFlyingBird]

I think you know the answer. Dad opened it, didn't like some aspect of it (it looks ok but I wouldn't get self help books for kids who weren't mine) and tossed it and didn't give it to his daughter. I think it would be almost expected with what you know about him. In the future, I might just bounce it off the dad.

"Hey I saw this book and I think it looks helpful, mind if I get it for niece?".

I know some parents who still object to the word "sucks" for anyone. So that would have got me thinking if it was appropriate for me to give as a gift without checking first. Also when you have a very "sulky" teen at home...you really don't want anything to add to that. I had a foster daughter (teenager) who was so sure everything about her life sucked that I wouldn't even consider a book with the word in the title. Its a tough time for kids and parents alike.

ETA I just looked through the little sample online and I wouldn't buy this book for my kid or anyone else. Its really dark and I didn't see any real problem solving skills in the sample. Maybe its in the book. But I am put off by what I saw. I think there would be much better options out there and I would really be interested in they methods the author is using to help kids cope with difficult situations.

[oregonwoodsmoke]

I think it is odd for the father to be opening mail, but she is 16 and he is her father and he gets to decide what books she can read.

What I think was really inappropriate is your determination to prove to the child that you sent the book. Are you trying to start a fight between the girl and her father? As soon as you heard she didn't get the book, you should have backed out of that conversation and taken it up with her father instead of with the 16 year old.

[oregonwoodsmoke]

Just a thought. Perhaps he opens all mail because the mentally ill mother sends them things that upset them or cause problems. Just because the return address said it was from OP, that doesn't guarantee it was from OP. I've never had the post office ask me for ID when I send registered mail or mail packages. I could put anyone's name on the return address. Or any address, for that matter.