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Old Yesterday, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, CA
10,422 posts, read 3,260,817 times
Reputation: 7584

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My grandgirl is 21 and grandson 18...but all their years of getting to this age, the boy teased and angered the girl so much. When I was in their company, it was dreadful how he egged her on and teased.

Now my daughter is taking them on holiday vacations, thanks to inheritance from father, and she says she hopes they will become closer. That would be nice but who knows.

My siblings and I never fought etc but miles kept us apart for the last 50 yrs. We were civil and as close as could be for the distances.

Comments.
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Old Yesterday, 03:44 PM
 
Location: The analog world
12,479 posts, read 7,133,873 times
Reputation: 17094
My brother and I were at each other's throats all the time when we were teens. Now that we are middle-aged, we're very close. Relationships will be what they will be. Parents cannot enforce emotional attachment, only civility. The children must decide what they want to be to one another on their own terms and schedule.
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Old Yesterday, 04:36 PM
Status: "Miss mom" (set 11 days ago)
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
2,799 posts, read 1,109,021 times
Reputation: 8921
Lots of dynamics can can come into play between siblings; there is probably not a “one-size-fits-all” solution.

My dad is # 4 of 6 (5 boys, 1 girl) & it is the age differences & changing political/social environments that shaped their relationships. The oldest was born in 1934, Dad in 1941 & the youngest in 1948.

When my dad was 2 years old, his father, a surgeon, left for WWII. The oldest 2 siblings remember it well & communicated frequently through V-mail, sending their dad report cards from school & charts from home that tracked things like “Helped mother without being asked” & “Finished homework before going outside to play”.

The youngest 2 were born after the war & don’t share my dad’s memories of the Quonset Hut military housing & other “scary” things related to the war.

When my grandpa died in 1959 from cancer, it meant the 2 youngest boys would spend their teenage years in a single-mother household during the 1960’s. It’s not hard to see how different experiences & perspectives could have developed between these siblings. Those differences exist to this day; complicated further by the fact that the idyllic childhood hometown was Boulder, Colorado & the youngest brother is still a legendary personality in the Hippie culture/Beat Generation history.

Mom was # 1 of 4 (3 girls & 1 boy) in a Greek immigrant family where male children were favored. The boy was the youngest & all 3 of the girls chose education & employment in male-dominated fields but luckily there was not much resentment as adults as there may have been as children. There was some, as children, I believe.

Then there are basic personality differences that can happen between 2 people, related or not. For instance, with mine: Numbers 7 & 9 would have thrived as only children. Numbers 4, 8 & 10 would have resented it. Number 11 wishes he was somebody’s ... anybody’s older brother while number 1 is quite confident being so.

Numbers 7 & 8’s personalities are like oil & water, 3 & 5 are polar opposites but they get along just fine. Number 2 is the one a few are secretly jealous of. Numbers 9 & 10 fight the most. And they are twins. But dare anybody align themselves against the other & they will face a united front ... “That’s. My. Sister!”

I’m eternally grateful that as they age, there are no prolonged resentments or estrangement.
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Old Yesterday, 10:20 PM
 
Location: Texas
3,239 posts, read 2,264,537 times
Reputation: 5047
My girls are 10 and 7, and have a love/hate relationship right now. The 10 year old eggs the 7 year old on and has a bit of a mean streak that seems only directed at her sister. The 7 year old is sweet and sensitive and is proving an easy target, though some of her grievances about the older sister are a bit exaggerated.

But, they also have periods where they play with each other for hours, and often, when my 7 year old is scared or needs comfort, she seeks her sister out over me or my husband. I love it when I see that....
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Old Yesterday, 11:40 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
862 posts, read 238,749 times
Reputation: 1612
They should be old enough and mature enough to get along. If they don't get along now they probably won't, at least for a while. If they fought when younger it really won't, or shouldn't matter now.

My brother relentlessly teased my youngest sister, he was about 5 years older. He delighted in getting her wound up and screaming mad. They were best buddies by the time my brother was in his 20's. They tease each other relentlessly, in good fun now. It's practically a comedy show.
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Old Today, 05:19 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,364 posts, read 16,877,091 times
Reputation: 23167
My sister and I fought terribly as kids. I didn't understand it at the time. Our mother has narcissistic personality disorder and once we figured that out, a lot of what we went through as kids started to make sense. Our mom still doesn't want us to get along, and finds ways to pit us against each other.
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Old Today, 06:45 AM
 
1,277 posts, read 1,176,799 times
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My sister and I didn’t get along until our early 20s. Just two very different personalities and still are.

We’re not extra super close sisters that you see in some families but I will ALWAYS have her back and she mine. We appreciate and value our differences now rather than them being a source of contention.
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Old Today, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Canada
4,230 posts, read 2,942,604 times
Reputation: 10665
It is often a personality conflict more than anything else.

Me? Three brothers. Got along great with two, one I butted heads with many times. I have only seen RED with two people my entire life, (I'm 60) and he was one of them that caused it.
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Old Today, 07:46 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
13,599 posts, read 18,961,836 times
Reputation: 18119
My sister and I still aren’t close. We are just far too different. We faught as kids, she was very selfish, didn’t care for anyone but herself. She hasn’t changed in that regard. We get along for the most part, but never talk. I wish we were closer, but time and time again her behavior is something I would not want to deal with. If we weren’t related, I would never talk to her.

I had my kids two years apart hoping this would help them be better friends. They couldn’t be more different. My son is introverted, keeps to himself. My daughter is an extrovert and socializes like crazy. I hope they one day become better friends, but honestly I don’t see it happening.
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Old Today, 07:56 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
12,028 posts, read 16,070,715 times
Reputation: 19662
yes kids have different personalities coming from the same parents . My brother and I always got along . He passed a couple of years ago and it hurt me very much and still does cause I miss him . Now my younger sister and I never got along and never will she is bi polar like our mother and refuses to take meds like our mother . According to her there was never anything wrong with mother or her . Now my older sister who is deceased as well we got along good . I miss her as well . I think my mother would pit our younger sister against all of us . She could do no wrong in our mothers eyes but boy if one of us three got a bad mark on a report card she would take to belittling us and then some . Boy my younger sister got a bad mark and all was ever said to her from my mother was that she would do better next time . My father sat back and said nothing . Just because you are siblings does not mean you will get along .
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