U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-01-2018, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, CA
16,064 posts, read 5,066,646 times
Reputation: 10985

Advertisements

My grandgirl is 21 and grandson 18...but all their years of getting to this age, the boy teased and angered the girl so much. When I was in their company, it was dreadful how he egged her on and teased.

Now my daughter is taking them on holiday vacations, thanks to inheritance from father, and she says she hopes they will become closer. That would be nice but who knows.

My siblings and I never fought etc but miles kept us apart for the last 50 yrs. We were civil and as close as could be for the distances.

Comments.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-01-2018, 02:44 PM
 
Location: The analog world
14,231 posts, read 8,069,415 times
Reputation: 19010
My brother and I were at each other's throats all the time when we were teens. Now that we are middle-aged, we're very close. Relationships will be what they will be. Parents cannot enforce emotional attachment, only civility. The children must decide what they want to be to one another on their own terms and schedule.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2018, 03:36 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,603 posts, read 1,545,976 times
Reputation: 12240
Lots of dynamics can can come into play between siblings; there is probably not a “one-size-fits-all” solution.

My dad is # 4 of 6 (5 boys, 1 girl) & it is the age differences & changing political/social environments that shaped their relationships. The oldest was born in 1934, Dad in 1941 & the youngest in 1948.

When my dad was 2 years old, his father, a surgeon, left for WWII. The oldest 2 siblings remember it well & communicated frequently through V-mail, sending their dad report cards from school & charts from home that tracked things like “Helped mother without being asked” & “Finished homework before going outside to play”.

The youngest 2 were born after the war & don’t share my dad’s memories of the Quonset Hut military housing & other “scary” things related to the war.

When my grandpa died in 1959 from cancer, it meant the 2 youngest boys would spend their teenage years in a single-mother household during the 1960’s. It’s not hard to see how different experiences & perspectives could have developed between these siblings. Those differences exist to this day; complicated further by the fact that the idyllic childhood hometown was Boulder, Colorado & the youngest brother is still a legendary personality in the Hippie culture/Beat Generation history.

Mom was # 1 of 4 (3 girls & 1 boy) in a Greek immigrant family where male children were favored. The boy was the youngest & all 3 of the girls chose education & employment in male-dominated fields but luckily there was not much resentment as adults as there may have been as children. There was some, as children, I believe.

Then there are basic personality differences that can happen between 2 people, related or not. For instance, with mine: Numbers 7 & 9 would have thrived as only children. Numbers 4, 8 & 10 would have resented it. Number 11 wishes he was somebody’s ... anybody’s older brother while number 1 is quite confident being so.

Numbers 7 & 8’s personalities are like oil & water, 3 & 5 are polar opposites but they get along just fine. Number 2 is the one a few are secretly jealous of. Numbers 9 & 10 fight the most. And they are twins. But dare anybody align themselves against the other & they will face a united front ... “That’s. My. Sister!”

I’m eternally grateful that as they age, there are no prolonged resentments or estrangement.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2018, 09:20 PM
 
Location: Texas
3,536 posts, read 2,621,935 times
Reputation: 5698
My girls are 10 and 7, and have a love/hate relationship right now. The 10 year old eggs the 7 year old on and has a bit of a mean streak that seems only directed at her sister. The 7 year old is sweet and sensitive and is proving an easy target, though some of her grievances about the older sister are a bit exaggerated.

But, they also have periods where they play with each other for hours, and often, when my 7 year old is scared or needs comfort, she seeks her sister out over me or my husband. I love it when I see that....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2018, 10:40 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,530 posts, read 500,004 times
Reputation: 2663
They should be old enough and mature enough to get along. If they don't get along now they probably won't, at least for a while. If they fought when younger it really won't, or shouldn't matter now.

My brother relentlessly teased my youngest sister, he was about 5 years older. He delighted in getting her wound up and screaming mad. They were best buddies by the time my brother was in his 20's. They tease each other relentlessly, in good fun now. It's practically a comedy show.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2018, 04:19 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,662 posts, read 18,082,132 times
Reputation: 24272
My sister and I fought terribly as kids. I didn't understand it at the time. Our mother has narcissistic personality disorder and once we figured that out, a lot of what we went through as kids started to make sense. Our mom still doesn't want us to get along, and finds ways to pit us against each other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2018, 05:45 AM
 
1,358 posts, read 1,298,453 times
Reputation: 1709
My sister and I didn’t get along until our early 20s. Just two very different personalities and still are.

We’re not extra super close sisters that you see in some families but I will ALWAYS have her back and she mine. We appreciate and value our differences now rather than them being a source of contention.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2018, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Canada
4,850 posts, read 3,400,502 times
Reputation: 12664
It is often a personality conflict more than anything else.

Me? Three brothers. Got along great with two, one I butted heads with many times. I have only seen RED with two people my entire life, (I'm 60) and he was one of them that caused it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2018, 06:46 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
13,968 posts, read 19,952,288 times
Reputation: 19235
My sister and I still aren’t close. We are just far too different. We faught as kids, she was very selfish, didn’t care for anyone but herself. She hasn’t changed in that regard. We get along for the most part, but never talk. I wish we were closer, but time and time again her behavior is something I would not want to deal with. If we weren’t related, I would never talk to her.

I had my kids two years apart hoping this would help them be better friends. They couldn’t be more different. My son is introverted, keeps to himself. My daughter is an extrovert and socializes like crazy. I hope they one day become better friends, but honestly I don’t see it happening.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2018, 06:56 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
12,699 posts, read 17,048,907 times
Reputation: 21303
yes kids have different personalities coming from the same parents . My brother and I always got along . He passed a couple of years ago and it hurt me very much and still does cause I miss him . Now my younger sister and I never got along and never will she is bi polar like our mother and refuses to take meds like our mother . According to her there was never anything wrong with mother or her . Now my older sister who is deceased as well we got along good . I miss her as well . I think my mother would pit our younger sister against all of us . She could do no wrong in our mothers eyes but boy if one of us three got a bad mark on a report card she would take to belittling us and then some . Boy my younger sister got a bad mark and all was ever said to her from my mother was that she would do better next time . My father sat back and said nothing . Just because you are siblings does not mean you will get along .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top