U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Yesterday, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
1,536 posts, read 2,602,773 times
Reputation: 1503

Advertisements

I would suggest that there are "statutory" issues involved. Protect yourself legally by telling her parents of what you know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Yesterday, 04:25 PM
 
3,539 posts, read 2,794,168 times
Reputation: 6527
Quote:
Originally Posted by ffaemily View Post
My niece who is only a sophomore in high school and is only 16 is dating a guy who is 20. She told me this in confidence after she called me crying. They've been dating for a few months she told me. I think it's wrong. Her parents, my brother, and sister-in-law don't know. I was wondering if you all as parents would want to know if your child was dating someone that old? And if it's normal for someone her age to be dating someone that old? She only just turned 16.
I'd be calling my brother, yesterday.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Alaska
373 posts, read 150,565 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Thank you for this additional info. He works from home fixing cars? So he has a small business as a car mechanic? My brothers used to do that in their teens.

What's strange is that he doesn't want to be seen picking her up. What do they do on dates; does he try to hide her then? It seems that HE feels that the relationship (or his intentions) isn't on the up-and-up.

I had guy friends who were 21, when I was 16. My parents knew it was all platonic, they'd met the guys, so there was no issue. Adults can bond with teens over shared intellectual interests and a good personality fit, if the teen is mature for their age, and isn't into teeny-bopper stuff, whatever the teen scene du jouris.

Still, it seems that something may be amiss here, if he doesn't want to be seen with her, or whatever his issue is.
They don't go on dates, at least it doesn't seem that way, they stay home. They only hang out on the weekends and if she even dare suggests hanging out on a weekday he gets mad at her for asking. She told me. I asked her if she thought he was cheating on her and she said no. I just think the whole thing is incredibly strange. I want to protect my niece from anything, I just wasn't sure how normal it is for people of that age to be dating since I'm an old lady compared to them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
5,970 posts, read 3,955,894 times
Reputation: 7117
Look up age of consent for your State. Also Romeo and Juliet age difference. Usually unwise, possibly illegal. Parents can issue a kidnapping complaint in some states even if she is 18.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:36 PM
 
378 posts, read 188,342 times
Reputation: 871
Not only wrong but illegal in most states. Its called Jail Bait.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
14,274 posts, read 13,482,433 times
Reputation: 31537
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danbo1957 View Post
I would suggest that there are "statutory" issues involved. Protect yourself legally by telling her parents of what you know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashj007 View Post
Look up age of consent for your State. Also Romeo and Juliet age difference. Usually unwise, possibly illegal. Parents can issue a kidnapping complaint in some states even if she is 18.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nurse Bishop View Post
Not only wrong but illegal in most states. Its called Jail Bait.
Good points.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:41 PM
 
Location: Alaska
373 posts, read 150,565 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by arwenmark View Post
I suggest you tell the parents that there may be a problem with their daughter. Tell them she told you something in confidence. But you can't tell them what the problem is but they need to be more attuned.
I love this! Thank you. I appreciate it. I know she's had some problems so I'd like her to be able to trust me in the future.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:50 PM
DKM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, CA
811 posts, read 231,683 times
Reputation: 848
Quote:
Originally Posted by ffaemily View Post
They don't go on dates, at least it doesn't seem that way, they stay home. They only hang out on the weekends and if she even dare suggests hanging out on a weekday he gets mad at her for asking. She told me. I asked her if she thought he was cheating on her and she said no. I just think the whole thing is incredibly strange. I want to protect my niece from anything, I just wasn't sure how normal it is for people of that age to be dating since I'm an old lady compared to them.
He's got a weekday girlfriend then. This has nothing to do with the age issue but he probably has 2 girlfriends. I may have first hand experience in this matter in my younger years.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:56 PM
 
Location: New York NY
3,889 posts, read 5,373,427 times
Reputation: 7953
OP, if you all are in Alaska, this relationship is, as others have said, playing with fire.

In Alaska, as in many other states, the laws on statutory rape depend, in part, on the age difference between the two partners. The law recognizes statutory rape only in cases involving an age difference of more than 3 years. A 20 year old man who has sex with a 15 year old girl, in Alaska, is guilty of statutory rape. A 17 year old male who has consensual sex with a 15 year old girl is not guilty of statutory rape, under Alaska law. Statutory Rape Laws-Alaska - CNN iReport

The girl isn't telling her parents about this guy, which is a dead giveaway that she knows something isn't quite right about her relationship with him. I would continue as best I could to keep lines of communication with her open because you seem to be the adult she trusts. If things go sour she'll come to you before her folks. So listen a lot, and listen very hard when she talks--keeping in mind that she is (probably) inexperienced about guys at her age. If this is her "first love" let her know that she doesn't have to do everything a guy asks.

Then I'd start bringing the topic of boys up with her parents. Not necessarily telling them directly what's going on, but talking about school, boys, her friends--that sort of thing. Enough to get them thinking hard about what the girl's life is like when they're not around. Unless they're totally dense, they'll take it from there on their own.

Yes, it could all be relatively innocent. But if something bad happens--rape, pregnancy, violence--all bets are off and you tell everyone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 05:01 PM
Status: "They are your words, not mine. Own it" (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: California
325 posts, read 74,995 times
Reputation: 428
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
This used to be expected. It's only in the last 70 years or so of civilization where this kind of age spread is considered odd.

Why was she crying?
That's because we didn't have so much debauchery in the world. Meaning a 16 year olds development was close to a 20 year old.




TO THE OP-
Of course it depends upon the 20 year old. We cannot tell you he is a threat compared to if she was dating someone her own age

Time to invite them both over for dinner so you'll know more. Then you can decide further. They will likely break up anyhow but

you'll be a better judge of that as you get to know him. There is nothing odd about him not wanting to give a ride home, he may

know her parents are unaware of him. Time to get to know the guy, gently but firmly, insist. Then proceed further in encouraging

her to tell her parents with our without your blessing of this gentleman's character
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top