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Old 01-06-2018, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Cody, WY
9,162 posts, read 10,088,197 times
Reputation: 18199

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888 View Post
but thats because women (girls) were useless except for sex (carrying babies) -- this situation mite be similar.

its not like your grandmother was allowed to work in the coal mines like when your grandfather was 14. thats why her father gave her away to your grandfather.
They set up a glass blowing factory and had a number of employees within a few years. She was the office staff, the entire staff.

These people were my great-grand father and great-grandmother. My grandfather and grandmother married after she had graduated from college and he had a law degree. Some people have found the American Dream through native intelligence and dedication.

The Irish didn't all take low level jobs and keep them for life.
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Old 01-06-2018, 01:20 PM
Status: "Autumn!" (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,892 posts, read 98,633,463 times
Reputation: 31324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
They set up a glass blowing factory and had a number of employees within a few years. She was the office staff, the entire staff.

These people were my great-grand father and great-grandmother. My grandfather and grandmother married after she had graduated from college and he had a law degree. Some people have found the American Dream through native intelligence and dedication.

The Irish didn't all take low level jobs and keep them for life.
So you're referring to people born perhaps mid-19th century? The world has changed somewhat since then. And as has been pointed out, women were "worth" much in society back then. Having a young wife with many childbearing years ahead of her was a good thing back then. It was the same in my family.
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Old 01-06-2018, 01:42 PM
 
8,540 posts, read 5,243,562 times
Reputation: 9094
I think I would talk to my niece about it first and let her know that I was concerned, not because the age difference alone, but due to the other red flags that have been raised. I'd also talk to her about statutory rape laws and the seriousness of what could happen. I'd encourage the niece to tell her parents and let her know that I was uncomfortable having this information that her parents do not. I'd then give her some time to talk to them on her own.
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Old 01-06-2018, 05:16 PM
 
519 posts, read 396,329 times
Reputation: 958
Moderator cut: delete

Any rational thinking adult knows instinctively what is correct in this instance.

Last edited by Miss Blue; 01-06-2018 at 07:44 PM.. Reason: off topic personal attacks
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Old 01-06-2018, 09:29 PM
 
11,493 posts, read 5,506,966 times
Reputation: 5944
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashj007 View Post
Look up age of consent for your State. Also Romeo and Juliet age difference. Usually unwise, possibly illegal. Parents can issue a kidnapping complaint in some states even if she is 18.
Where? The age of consent is 18 or lower in every single US state, and the age of majority is 18 in almost every statdh
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Old 01-06-2018, 11:09 PM
 
27,312 posts, read 44,833,015 times
Reputation: 13950
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Yes, OP; why was she crying?

Whether it's wrong depends entirely on the people involved. Has she had sex before? I gather from your concern that the answer is "no". It really depends on the boy, then. I've run into young men who were very innocent, and still hadn't been hit with their sex drive, at 20. The full force of their testosterone hadn't happened, yet. Obviously, these are exceptional cases, but they exist. And maybe he has a sex drive, but is willing to wait until she's 17, IF the couple even makes it that far, or even past the next month or two. Since she's turned to you to share this information, keep the lines of communication open. At some point, find an opportunity to convey the message that she doesn't need to do anything she's not comfortable with, and needn't overlook her feelings just to make someone else happy.

I wonder how she's been able to date a guy for months, without her parents knowing. Has she been lying about where she's going?
I think you were not meeting any young men that I know then===

This is not a good thing
The fact that there is secrecy involved indicates this is not a good thing
Definitely inform the parents and get some info on the young man that the girl likely does not know
I would imagine he has done this same thing before for a short duration--breaking up once intimacy is established...
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Old 01-07-2018, 12:18 AM
 
2,482 posts, read 1,718,287 times
Reputation: 4234
Girls don't cry because they're seeing a 20 year old guy. Unless her parents have forbidden her to see him.


She may be crying because she's missed a period. Don't forget that part. Crying is usually the first thing they do. Telling an adult just outside the household is second and very characteristic (almost diagnostic) of amenorrhea. I've seen it several times.


One wonders if he even knows how old she really is. He might not.


And on that note, a good film to view on this subject is Borderline on the National Film Board of Canada, website. If it isn't too late watch that film. A little dated (1957) but lots to learn and eerily similar to the situation here.

Last edited by TwinbrookNine; 01-07-2018 at 01:24 AM..
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Old 01-07-2018, 12:19 AM
 
5 posts, read 2,025 times
Reputation: 18
Absolutely tell her parents. Any young man at the age of 20 knows that he should not be dating a 16 year old without parent permission. If he doesn't know then he will now. You need to watch out for her. Her brain is not mature enough to understand fully what is happening at 16. The fact that she is not being hinest tellsme that they are both aware that they are wrong.
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Old 01-07-2018, 12:20 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,373 posts, read 63,844,050 times
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I'm still curious about where she tells her parents she's going on the weekends, when they "hang out" together (at his place). This has been going on for a couple of months. Does she tell her parents she's going over to a friend's house, then have one of her gf's cover for her, in case her parents call there for her?

Anyway, a guy who gets mad at her, just because she suggests getting together on a weekday, isn't much of a bf. He sounds potentially abusive.
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Old 01-07-2018, 05:20 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,074 posts, read 17,587,419 times
Reputation: 22361
yep there are some red flags here for sure and I would be on that phone telling the parents what is going on ...this is how some young girls end up dead at the hands of a supposed bf . Or they just disappear never to be seen again . Get it together and call the folks and let them know . This could mean her life at some point .
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