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Old 01-09-2018, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,954 posts, read 21,583,429 times
Reputation: 34541

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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
well we were trying to teach him how to live in the real world like paying bills and getting a 2nd job which he needed and a car and yet he chooses to move . you cant move with a one day notice in the real world . I'm tired of these entitled kids who think whatever they do is right . I guess maybe I expected him to do right and abide by the rules and no he broke a few rules and was told like an adult about him breaking the rules . He also needed to learn how to pay rent and to get back on his feet . Which he was not even close too . So I guess I will let the chips fall where they may and maybe then he will learn like the rest of us . wow how many of you have adult kids ? just wondering if some of you posting here even have kids ? Please do tell me .
I have 2 adult children. One if whom currently lives at home but is hoping to move out soon. I hope that for him as well.

Last edited by maciesmom; 01-09-2018 at 03:22 PM..
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,954 posts, read 21,583,429 times
Reputation: 34541
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Why don't you just say "NO"? It's not that hard.


I see a lot of posts here by parents of adult kids. There really shouldn't be. Parenting ends when the kid turns 18. In my opinion, this is a board for parents of actual children. Once they reach adulthood they aren't kids anymore.


Tell them no, set boundaries and if you can't, it's ultimately your fault.
Bwahahaha!

Seriously though, some of the most challenging (and meaningful) parenting (for me) has taken place after the age of 18.

Last edited by maciesmom; 01-09-2018 at 03:27 PM..
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:16 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
12,678 posts, read 17,015,793 times
Reputation: 21237
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I have 2 adult children. One if whom currently lived at home but is hoping to move out soon. I hope that for him as well.
but I'm sure he has a car and has his ducks in a row right ? dl ? money saved to move ? money saved to get what he needs or she needs correct ? mine wasn't prepared to move out .
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,954 posts, read 21,583,429 times
Reputation: 34541
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
but I'm sure he has a car and has his ducks in a row right ? dl ? money saved to move ? money saved to get what he needs or she needs correct ? mine wasn't prepared to move out .

Ok..but that is on him. I don't know why you'd feel it was a slight to you. Some people are better off learning things the hard way. If he told me he was moving out tomorrow I might think it was not a well thought out decision but I wouldn't have a reason to feel angry or "used".
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:24 PM
 
5,757 posts, read 3,806,873 times
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Yes, I am a parent, but my oldest is still under 18.

I moved out of my parents' home basically at 17 and only lived back with them for very short periods of time (a summer here and there and one 6 month stretch) until I was 22. Always worked, never was a bother, etc. But that's immaterial.

My youngest sibling, by contrast, lived with them until he was maybe 30? He worked and was generally well behaved, but the relationship he had with my mom and dad was much different than mine. Living under the same roof can bring out the ugly, so I only rarely saw that side of them.

So anyhow, as another member suggested, a small dose of humility and a conversation with your children might uncover helpful stuff and restore the bonds. Respectfully, despite your claims, your bitterness and anger do show through in your posts, but maybe it's sadness underneath?
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:24 PM
 
9,426 posts, read 13,049,313 times
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Hehe.
reminds me of my son. He decided to "be adult" and moved out into apartment. He lasted about 4 months and was back to the home nest. Free lodging, free food, free parking. We, well, I am still a "bad parent" as he is "independent and responsible" and I have "rules (no alcohol in the hose, for instance; you MUST work) but he sucked it up and stays with us ever since. been few years. Now we have a two house property, he lives in ADU, which is a 970sf 2 bedroom, pays $500 and his electric bill.
I sleep well. I shall not tolerate freeloaders in the family.
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:36 PM
 
891 posts, read 595,392 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Ok..but that is on him. I don't know why you'd feel it was a slight to you. Some people are better off learning things the hard way. If he told me he was moving out tomorrow I might think it was not a well thought out decision but I wouldn't have a reason to feel angry or "used".
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
but I'm sure he has a car and has his ducks in a row right ? dl ? money saved to move ? money saved to get what he needs or she needs correct ? mine wasn't prepared to move out .
I think the op is frustrated because her son moved back with the condition that he gets his life back in order and save money for a car and bills so he doesn't have to move in with other people to survive. Yes her son is a adult but he is still her son and she wants him to make better choices. I don't blame the op for being frustrated.
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,954 posts, read 21,583,429 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tottsieanna View Post
I think the op is frustrated because her son moved back with the condition that he gets his life back in order and save money for a car and bills so he doesn't have to move in with other people to survive. Yes her son is a adult but he is still her son and she wants him to make better choices. I don't blame the op for being frustrated.

I get frustrated. I don't get "used" and "entitled". If her complaint was that he didn't live up to his agreement to pay rent and abide by the rules then refused to leave, then I'd get used and entitled.
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:43 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
5,334 posts, read 2,897,132 times
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You wanted to teach him about "real life", what better way than to jump into the fire? Time to let him learn by his own mistakes, or successes. You're not going to be there to helicopter over him forever.
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:51 PM
 
4,858 posts, read 1,911,265 times
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phonelady, I'm truly trying to understand your viewpoint. In my experience, when adult offspring move back home and parents give them rules like they are children and charge them rent, it's with the express purpose of making life so uncomfortable that they find a way to make it on their own.

Which apparently is what he's planning to do.

And all your children seem to see his viewpoint too. Why would you want to force him to still live there with you like he's a child?

I'm not sure allowing him to live with you for $200 a month and forcing childlike rules (no friends over at the house - really?) is "busting your hump".

I do think that making those childlike rules is a good thing, though, in the longrun because it forces them to leave.

What am I missing that would explain your anger?

(I have 3 adult sons, to answer your question).
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