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Old 01-10-2018, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Gilbert, AZ
3,003 posts, read 1,683,745 times
Reputation: 2945

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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Seriously though, some of the most challenging (and meaningful) parenting (for me) has taken place after the age of 18.
+1

I can relate to that.

Seems that the OP is not pleased with the path the son is on, and is in need of more parenting. Sorry, but he's legally an adult now. If he asks for advice, great. If he asks for money then there's a decision to make... no, yes, or yes with some condition(s). If he's managing on his own then there's not a great deal you can do if he's not receptive to parental advice.
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:00 PM
 
15,162 posts, read 15,997,372 times
Reputation: 25011
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Why don't you just say "NO"? It's not that hard.


I see a lot of posts here by parents of adult kids. There really shouldn't be. Parenting ends when the kid turns 18. In my opinion, this is a board for parents of actual children. Once they reach adulthood they aren't kids anymore.


Tell them no, set boundaries and if you can't, it's ultimately your fault.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
No. Adult kids (unless they have special needs) don't need to be coddled anymore. They should be on their own. They should not need actual parenting.
Hahahahahahahaha! Last fall, as my 18-year-old daughter headed off to her first semester of college, I actually thought, "Whew! We're done!" But she had a tough semester with lots of homesickness and two physical ailments. We talked on the phone for long stretches and I went to take care of her when she had surgery. She tried mightily to handle things on her own and did a good job, but before it was all over she still needed her mama. I expect she will at least for the next several years.

To the OP, I understand that you think your son is on a bad path and you may be more afraid for him than angry or hurt. But he's an adult and making choices. Try not to be angry that they're not the choices you would make for him. Good luck to all of you.
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 10,015,740 times
Reputation: 20459
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Oh the audacity of that son of yours to decide he doesnít like your rules and to find another option and to not give you notice even though you donít have a formal lease that requires it.

Seriously you sound like my mother when I told her I got my first place and was moving out. She like you was furious I got tired of her rules and I had an opportunity to leave before she could kick me out herself.
Some people have MAJOR control issues. Sounds like the OP and your mom had control issues. They forget that you're not children anymore. You're adults and have your life. You ned to get out there fail and succeed. That's the only way to live life!
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Old 01-10-2018, 01:47 PM
 
4,261 posts, read 1,452,138 times
Reputation: 9889
OP, it sounds like your feelings are hurt that your son is moving out...would that be correct? IF correct...that's what I'm trying to understand...did you expect gratefulness from him for allowing him to come back home...or gratefulness to you and your husband for giving him a roof over his head? I'm not speaking rhetorically...I really am trying to understand.


Does it hurt your feelings that he only gave 1 day's notice, as if...he was keeping the moving day a secret from you? And maybe you're wondering why he felt the need to keep it a secret from you?


I totally get how you would/could be concerned about his choices, but for real, trying to understand the hurt that you're feeling.


I also totally get having the rules. As they say, your house, your rules. I also totally get why it would chaff him to have to follow those rules. Sounds like he WAS independent, and then moved back home, right?


I'm just not getting the hurt feelings though.
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Old 01-10-2018, 02:04 PM
 
3,745 posts, read 2,892,606 times
Reputation: 11923
Sounds like a control issue to me. The OP wanted total control over her son, with him moved out, she can't do that.

I can maybe see why he wanted out. Sounds like the OP is all about telling her son, and her friends (see previous thread about friend being in auto accident) what they need to do, and if they dont agree, they are wrong.
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Old 01-10-2018, 02:07 PM
 
2,059 posts, read 1,032,820 times
Reputation: 2053
The day my kids will move out will be the best day of my life. I will retire day after and move to Mexico. I don't need more than 1000$ a month.
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Old 01-10-2018, 02:08 PM
 
2,059 posts, read 1,032,820 times
Reputation: 2053
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
Sounds like a control issue to me. The OP wanted total control over her son, with him moved out, she can't do that.

I can maybe see why he wanted out. Sounds like the OP is all about telling her son, and her friends (see previous thread about friend being in auto accident) what they need to do, and if they dont agree, they are wrong.
You nailed it.
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Old 01-10-2018, 03:06 PM
 
Location: here
24,467 posts, read 28,670,793 times
Reputation: 31035
Quote:
Originally Posted by mash123 View Post
You nailed it.
Yep
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Old 01-10-2018, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
22,954 posts, read 31,873,271 times
Reputation: 30235
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
Sounds like a control issue to me. The OP wanted total control over her son, with him moved out, she can't do that.

I can maybe see why he wanted out. Sounds like the OP is all about telling her son, and her friends (see previous thread about friend being in auto accident) what they need to do, and if they dont agree, they are wrong.
Good catch there on the other thread.
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Old 01-10-2018, 06:12 PM
 
12,985 posts, read 12,385,297 times
Reputation: 37156
OP, all due respect, but you are generating needless drama and getting way too invested in what your kids are doing. Your son presumably did not have a lease and you were presumably not dependent on his rent to survive. What is the problem with him moving out? You're taking one inoffensive situation and making it into a full-on family conflict. YOu take offense and get involved in a lot of things that aren't your business on your various threads. There is no need to do that and your energies are better spent elsewhere.

I'm saying this with kindness: Please find a therapist who will help you determine appropriate boundaries. It will improve your relationships with your children and your friends as well as your overall happiness and life satisfaction. Don't turn into that bitter person who takes offense whenever things don't go the way she envisioned. It's exhausting for you and for the people around you.
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