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Old 01-15-2018, 07:00 PM
 
426 posts, read 116,627 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post
Prior to having a baby, I saw my MIL only on special occasions or holidays. Since having my first child in November, she has been over 2-3 times a week and frankly Iím getting sick of it. My maternity leave is over in a few weeks and I donít want to give up any more time with baby then I have to.

Plus when sheís over, she baby hogs. She will hold him for hours on end. I have to argue with her just so I can get him to nurse. Baby canít nap because she wonít let him. She does everything she can to keep him up so she can play with him.

I donít know if im overreacting but I feel like Iím seeing her too much. Once a week is where I would like to keep it at. DH doesnt think itís a big deal. He doesnít have a problem with handing baby over to his mom.

What do you guys think? Should I cut down the visits?? And if I should, how do I go about doing it? Iíve never been good at saying no


2-3 times a week has you fed up?

I thought you were going to say 3 times a day.

You should stop being so easily annoyed. You'll need that patience once the infant reaches 2-3 years old.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:07 PM
 
9,784 posts, read 5,840,558 times
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First time poster...with a controversial topic.

If I was to answer for real, I would say be thankful your in laws give 2 craps about your kid and get over it. But...ya know.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:21 PM
 
3,740 posts, read 3,035,460 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
^ I was going to suggest this, too. Get out or take a nap.

Exactly. Do not shut her down or you will regret it.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:33 PM
 
8,405 posts, read 5,296,032 times
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"How often is too often for grandparents to see newborn? "

In our house, it was never too often, we took all the help we could get.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:44 PM
 
Location: here
23,996 posts, read 27,479,909 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elan View Post
"How often is too often for grandparents to see newborn? "

In our house, it was never too often, we took all the help we could get.
Not all grand parents help.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,775 posts, read 21,251,536 times
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"How often" is subjective and should be based on you and your husband's comfort level.

I don't know that posts telling the OP to sit back and nap (or whatever) are helpful. If she is uncomfortable, she is under no obligation to just let it go and acquiesce. She and her husband are the parents. If the ILs are providing daycare she and her husband are going to need to feel comfortable setting boudaries and occasionally saying "this isn't a good time".

OP - speak with your husband and discuss your concerns. If you decide to limit the visits you will want to be tactful and not burn any bridges.
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Old 01-15-2018, 08:05 PM
 
506 posts, read 221,349 times
Reputation: 656
You need boundaries ASAP. Anything more than once a week is intrusive unless you invite her.

Also, get DH on board now.

I hate to say this, but grandparents as daycare with what you're describing is a recipe for disaster.

As much as I'm against baby websites, you need to find yourself on the BabyCenter DWIL board before it's too late.
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Old 01-16-2018, 05:36 AM
 
Location: Northern California
436 posts, read 142,812 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post
She asks DH if she can come over and he asks me. She would be over here everyday if she could. She’s recently retired and has endless amount of time to waste.


Unfortunately the grandparents will be daycare. Luckily I can work from home and my job isn’t too demanding so I won’t need help everyday. But MIL will be over more when I go back to work. There’s plenty of time for her to spend with him.
Maybe it's due to hormones but your post really sounds awful. You are so lucky to have her, she is even going to babysit for you! Count your blessings, be kind, let her care for and feed the baby. Go relax. Take time out to be with your husband. Enjoy your MIL and your BABY. You decide when Baby sleeps period. So don't feel guilty, just take the baby and tell mom you'll see her later after baby wakes up.

You have your cake and can eat it too but for some reason, something is ticking you off. Maybe you aren't getting enough rest. Hormones might be out of whack. I had a heck of a time as a new mother.

If your husband is fine with her, let it be. Be greatfull and say thank you to her. She's only there 3x a week which leaves more than 50% of the time without her. Your post sounds as if it is written by someone who lives with their MIL. Congrats on your new baby too
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Old 01-16-2018, 06:51 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
5,140 posts, read 6,480,030 times
Reputation: 12032
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclist1968 View Post
Maybe it's due to hormones but your post really sounds awful. You are so lucky to have her, she is even going to babysit for you! Count your blessings, be kind, let her care for and feed the baby. Go relax. Take time out to be with your husband. Enjoy your MIL and your BABY. You decide when Baby sleeps period. So don't feel guilty, just take the baby and tell mom you'll see her later after baby wakes up.

You have your cake and can eat it too but for some reason, something is ticking you off. Maybe you aren't getting enough rest. Hormones might be out of whack. I had a heck of a time as a new mother.

If your husband is fine with her, let it be. Be greatfull and say thank you to her. She's only there 3x a week which leaves more than 50% of the time without her. Your post sounds as if it is written by someone who lives with their MIL. Congrats on your new baby too
I started to write something similar and then saw this. EXACTLY. Be grateful that you won't be paying for daycare and that your baby will be cared for by a person that is emotionally invested in your child and loves him or her. Not every child is so loved or every new parent has this option.

Also tell her that you need to try to keep the baby on a schedule or something similar. She will understand that.
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Old 01-16-2018, 06:55 AM
 
2,784 posts, read 6,068,069 times
Reputation: 4834
My guess ( and it is coming from a place of experience and similarity) is that this isn't a grandparent issue it is a mother-in-law issue. As others have said, you have a lot to be thankful for, but there are also red flags here that signal a troubled triangle going forward if you don't establish some boundaries and expectations for support.

It helps to be more assertive about your expectations and desires before it is a problem. Perhaps try saying things like "this week, I'd love if you could come spend time with the baby on Tuesday and Thursday". Or, "The baby and I would love to have you come by this afternoon after his nap - 2:00 to 4:00 would be great!" Try to get out of the habit of her asking, your husband saying yes and you being annoyed.

I was in a very similar situation. I needed my MIL for help with childcare, but resented when I felt like she overstepped her boundaries and was annoyed by my husband's passivity. Until I took charge of being a better communicator, it didn't get better.
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