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Old Today, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
7,792 posts, read 2,024,245 times
Reputation: 8211

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I'd tell her like this. ......


MIL, thank you for helping us so much the last few weeks. Since I'll be going back to work soon I was hoping to limit all of my visitors the next few weeks. I was thinking if you could just come by on Mondays (pick a day) so I can go run my errands that would be great! You'll have him all to yourself in a few weeks anyway. Thanks so much I really appreciate your help!!
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Old Today, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Paranoid State
10,038 posts, read 7,682,046 times
Reputation: 11025
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post
She asks DH if she can come over and he asks me.
"No." is a complete sentence. It requires no explanation or justification.
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Old Today, 09:04 AM
 
Location: here
23,775 posts, read 26,775,049 times
Reputation: 28740
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post
Prior to having a baby, I saw my MIL only on special occasions or holidays. Since having my first child in November, she has been over 2-3 times a week and frankly Iím getting sick of it. My maternity leave is over in a few weeks and I donít want to give up any more time with baby then I have to.

Plus when sheís over, she baby hogs. She will hold him for hours on end. I have to argue with her just so I can get him to nurse. Baby canít nap because she wonít let him. She does everything she can to keep him up so she can play with him.

I donít know if im overreacting but I feel like Iím seeing her too much. Once a week is where I would like to keep it at. DH doesnt think itís a big deal. He doesnít have a problem with handing baby over to his mom.

What do you guys think? Should I cut down the visits?? And if I should, how do I go about doing it? Iíve never been good at saying no
Repeating for emphasis. I'm surprised at how many people are saying "just be thankful." Having a new baby is hard under the best conditions. Mom wants to spend time alone with her own child before returning to work, and grandma is not helping, she's making things harder.
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Old Today, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
33,947 posts, read 32,562,685 times
Reputation: 62122
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
Also tell her that you need to try to keep the baby on a schedule or something similar. She will understand that.
She will? Are you sure?

I've seen MILs who blatantly do the opposite of what their kids ask, who speak to the baby instead of to the parents ("Do you wanna take a nap? Nooo you wanna stay with Grandma, don't you? Come on and let's go rock in the chair!" ... all in a baby talk voice ...)

I also do not agree with those who are scolding the OP for not being grateful to her MIL for being there AND providing free babysitting, which apparently is the Holy Grail of parenthood.

One advantage of having day care or a babysitter is that it is a business transaction. You come in, pick up the baby, pay and LEAVE. Go on with your life. If you have an issue with the way things go with the child care provider, you address it.

When it's your MIL and you don't have set emotional boundaries, as the OP apparently doesn't have, the "good-bye" time can drag out a half-hour or more as she sits around and asks how your day was, or what happened at the appointment you went to while she was there and then tosses in a few comments about your housecleaning habits.

You then have to deal with whatever has happened that you don't agree with and how you're going to address it ("I saw where you left those homemade baby foods for her but she didn't seem to like it do I gave her some peanut butter and she did just fine!").

When MIL is your babysitter, it can be nice if all parties involved are able to speak directly about conflicts. If not, then you just have your MIL all up in your business. So-called free babysitting can definitely have a cost.
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Old Today, 09:26 AM
 
892 posts, read 318,140 times
Reputation: 3175
However is too little or too much is how YOU feel and you really need to be firm in a kind way about what your needs are as a new mother. If you could ask your mil to pick one day to come is a good idea and say you need quiet bonding time meanwhile. Your husband and mil need to respect YOUR needs even if you have to assert that, and you are offering a compromise. As a new mum you need time to adjust and bond with your baby. The mil has plenty of time to bond as a grandmother, but baby needs to bond with you FIRST.
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Old Today, 09:33 AM
 
1,716 posts, read 1,778,724 times
Reputation: 2356
You are both working I see. Do all you can to encourage the free help and force yourself to say nothing but praise. Later you will be so glad.
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Old Today, 09:34 AM
 
2,668 posts, read 2,755,303 times
Reputation: 5645
Ha Ha Ha! Oh my god, you should be kissing this woman's feet. Don't you realize that this is the woman who is going to allow you to someday go out to dinner with your husband, go to a play with your husband, go away for a night with your husband, go on vacation with your husband? Not to mention that having a doting grandmother's love and attention can only help your child.

Just pray that she is alive and well for a very long time, and express your gratitude toward her. Be overtly welcoming and loving towards her. Don't worry, the baby knows who his mother is, and you will have plenty of time with him, one on one.
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Old Today, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
33,947 posts, read 32,562,685 times
Reputation: 62122
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
Ha Ha Ha! Oh my god, you should be kissing this woman's feet. Don't you realize that this is the woman who is going to allow you to someday go out to dinner with your husband, go to a play with your husband, go away for a night with your husband, go on vacation with your husband?
Oh please. Her MIL is not the ONLY person on Earth who can "allow" this.
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Old Today, 09:45 AM
Status: "Happy New Year" (set 16 days ago)
 
7,902 posts, read 5,020,856 times
Reputation: 6364
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Not all grand parents help.
I suppose so, mine's a saint, we had her stay for a month.
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Old Today, 09:48 AM
Status: "A new year!" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
81,724 posts, read 93,220,510 times
Reputation: 28352
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Now is the time to get her acclimated to her role as caregiver. This included, food and naps. For ME, it would be important for the child to not get used to being held All The Time.
I know you said "for ME", but really. The baby is a newborn. When GM is doing the day care, the novelty will wear off, trust me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by elan View Post
"How often is too often for grandparents to see newborn? "

In our house, it was never too often, we took all the help we could get.
I would have loved having a grandma closer than 550 miles away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Oh please. Her MIL is not the ONLY person on Earth who can "allow" this.
No, but MIL is one of those who can make that happen. Again, would have loved it.
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