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Old 01-16-2018, 03:26 PM
 
Location: The analog world
14,669 posts, read 8,304,498 times
Reputation: 19770

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post
Prior to having a baby, I saw my MIL only on special occasions or holidays. Since having my first child in November, she has been over 2-3 times a week and frankly I’m getting sick of it. My maternity leave is over in a few weeks and I don’t want to give up any more time with baby then I have to.

Plus when she’s over, she baby hogs. She will hold him for hours on end. I have to argue with her just so I can get him to nurse. Baby can’t nap because she won’t let him. She does everything she can to keep him up so she can play with him.

I don’t know if im overreacting but I feel like I’m seeing her too much. Once a week is where I would like to keep it at. DH doesnt think it’s a big deal. He doesn’t have a problem with handing baby over to his mom.

What do you guys think? Should I cut down the visits?? And if I should, how do I go about doing it? I’ve never been good at saying no
Clearly, I'm late to the party, but it shouldn't be too difficult to say, "Gee Mom (or whatever you call her), Tuesday is no good, but if you'd like to come over on Wednesday morning, we're free until noon." Then, stick to the schedule. When noon approaches, say to Mom, "It's been so good spending time with you today. I'd love to have you over again on Wednesday morning next week, too. How about it?" If she wants to come again before then, just tell her that it won't work, and ask, "Can I count on you for Wednesday then?" Be firm, but be kind. You don't want to create problems because this relationship is long-term. So be kind. Above all, be kind.
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Old 01-16-2018, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Northern California
436 posts, read 161,203 times
Reputation: 551
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
Clearly, I'm late to the party, but it shouldn't be too difficult to say, "Gee Mom (or whatever you call her), Tuesday is no good, but if you'd like to come over on Wednesday morning, we're free until noon." Then, stick to the schedule. When noon approaches, say to Mom, "It's been so good spending time with you today. I'd love to have you over again on Wednesday morning next week, too. How about it?" If she wants to come again before then, just tell her that it won't work, and ask, "Can I count on you for Wednesday then?" Be firm, but be kind. You don't want to create problems because this relationship is long-term. So be kind. Above all, be kind.
Spot on ^^
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Old 01-16-2018, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,262 posts, read 97,388,619 times
Reputation: 30725
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
Clearly, I'm late to the party, but it shouldn't be too difficult to say, "Gee Mom (or whatever you call her), Tuesday is no good, but if you'd like to come over on Wednesday morning, we're free until noon." Then, stick to the schedule. When noon approaches, say to Mom, "It's been so good spending time with you today. I'd love to have you over again on Wednesday morning next week, too. How about it?" If she wants to come again before then, just tell her that it won't work, and ask, "Can I count on you for Wednesday then?" Be firm, but be kind. You don't want to create problems because this relationship is long-term. So be kind. Above all, be kind.
Sounds good.
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Old 01-16-2018, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY
29,051 posts, read 8,646,277 times
Reputation: 27024
OP, you need to read your posts. You sound prickly. If it's just that you think your MIL is at your place too often, then speak up. She does ask beforehand, after all. If not, it would be advantageous for your baby to have such a positive presence.
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Old 01-16-2018, 04:50 PM
 
Location: here
24,281 posts, read 28,223,661 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty View Post
OP, you need to read your posts. You sound prickly. If it's just that you think your MIL is at your place too often, then speak up. She does ask beforehand, after all. If not, it would be advantageous for your baby to have such a positive presence.
So what if she's prickly? She could be anxious, and it could make her more anxious to have MIL over. The MIL really should be asking her, not her husband.
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Old 01-16-2018, 05:18 PM
 
347 posts, read 124,484 times
Reputation: 600
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post
Prior to having a baby, I saw my MIL only on special occasions or holidays. Since having my first child in November, she has been over 2-3 times a week and frankly Iím getting sick of it. My maternity leave is over in a few weeks and I donít want to give up any more time with baby then I have to.

Plus when sheís over, she baby hogs. She will hold him for hours on end. I have to argue with her just so I can get him to nurse. Baby canít nap because she wonít let him. She does everything she can to keep him up so she can play with him.

I donít know if im overreacting but I feel like Iím seeing her too much. Once a week is where I would like to keep it at. DH doesnt think itís a big deal. He doesnít have a problem with handing baby over to his mom.

What do you guys think? Should I cut down the visits?? And if I should, how do I go about doing it? Iíve never been good at saying no

2-3 times a week is TOO much and uninvited as well!! I can see her undermining your parenting down the road. Right now though she's throwing his schedule off and worse taking away YOUR time to enjoy your son. You need to enlist your husband to set some boundaries.
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Old 01-16-2018, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Northern California
436 posts, read 161,203 times
Reputation: 551
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
So what if she's prickly? She could be anxious, and it could make her more anxious to have MIL over. The MIL really should be asking her, not her husband.
my guess is it is hubby who is answering the phone. My husband did alot of the answering telephone when our newborn arrived. I spent more time caring for him, and not sleeping enough so never felt like chatting on the phone. Just a thought
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Old 01-16-2018, 07:33 PM
 
Location: here
24,281 posts, read 28,223,661 times
Reputation: 30369
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclist1968 View Post
my guess is it is hubby who is answering the phone. My husband did alot of the answering telephone when our newborn arrived. I spent more time caring for him, and not sleeping enough so never felt like chatting on the phone. Just a thought
Seems most people these days have their own cell phones, and don't use a common land line. MIL could be contacting her son instead of the person who is actually home when she wants to visit.
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:05 PM
 
917 posts, read 489,212 times
Reputation: 3188
I agree that having a loving grandmother nearby can be a real gift.

What is an issue is refusing to "give up" the baby for nursing and napping. That is putting her needs and wants over the baby's, not to mention the mother's. That is not a good trait in a caregiver OR a grandmother at this point. She should be doing everything possible to help out the new mother and follow her lead, not fight it.

From the tone of the OP, she doesn't seem to have a close relationship with her MIL and something tells me having Grandma providing daycare may not end well if there is a clash of wills. Nothing is ever "free". Good luck and I hope things will settle down.
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Old 01-17-2018, 05:10 AM
 
15,682 posts, read 18,002,883 times
Reputation: 25064
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post
She asks DH if she can come over and he asks me. She would be over here everyday if she could. Sheís recently retired and has endless amount of time to waste.


Unfortunately the grandparents will be daycare. Luckily I can work from home and my job isnít too demanding so I wonít need help everyday. But MIL will be over more when I go back to work. Thereís plenty of time for her to spend with him.
Well, considering that she will be providing you with daycare you should start appreciating her presence.

And, as you say you are given the opportunity to say yes or no when she asks about coming over....I'm not sure what you are complaining about regarding how often she visits now.
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