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Old Yesterday, 04:52 PM
 
2 posts, read 309 times
Reputation: 10

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Prior to having a baby, I saw my MIL only on special occasions or holidays. Since having my first child in November, she has been over 2-3 times a week and frankly Iím getting sick of it. My maternity leave is over in a few weeks and I donít want to give up any more time with baby then I have to.

Plus when sheís over, she baby hogs. She will hold him for hours on end. I have to argue with her just so I can get him to nurse. Baby canít nap because she wonít let him. She does everything she can to keep him up so she can play with him.

I donít know if im overreacting but I feel like Iím seeing her too much. Once a week is where I would like to keep it at. DH doesnt think itís a big deal. He doesnít have a problem with handing baby over to his mom.

What do you guys think? Should I cut down the visits?? And if I should, how do I go about doing it? Iíve never been good at saying no
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Old Yesterday, 04:59 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,390 posts, read 16,971,272 times
Reputation: 23248
It sounds like you only have a few more weeks of dealing with it before you go back to work. I'd let things be. A grandma who cares that much is going to be your backup babysitter if you ever have an emergency or baby's too sick for daycare, as long as you don't create unnecessary hard feelings right now.

It's good for the baby to have grandparents who are interested in spending time with him, even if you're less than thrilled about your MIL being there so often.
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Old Yesterday, 05:07 PM
 
Location: here
23,775 posts, read 26,775,049 times
Reputation: 28735
Since the habit is formed, it will be hard to break it without stepping on toes. There's no one answer. It depends on your comfort level. I know I wouldn't have wanted my MIL over that much. Thankfully she was working M-F at the time.

Does she call and ask first, or does she just show up?
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Old Yesterday, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
33,940 posts, read 32,562,685 times
Reputation: 62074
Don't eliminate her ability to visit. You can set limits on how long she stays. She doesn't need to be there for hours at a time, and people who are sensitive to the needs of others recognize that on her own.

She's just reacting to the the novelty, and when you go back to work it will be a moot point, assuming you are using day care.

However...


Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post

DH doesnt think it’s a big deal.
It appears your husband has inherited his mom's lack of situational awareness. Sounds like y'all need to have a discussion about whose team he's on LOL.

Seriously, he should back you on this and help run interference when his mom overstays her welcome.
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Old Yesterday, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Georgia, USA
18,909 posts, read 23,380,305 times
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Two or three times per week?

Take advantage of her!

Pump some milk, show her how to prepare it for him, then go sleep for a couple of hours or get out of the house.
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Old Yesterday, 05:16 PM
 
Location: here
23,775 posts, read 26,775,049 times
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^ I was going to suggest this, too. Get out or take a nap.
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Old Yesterday, 05:23 PM
 
2 posts, read 309 times
Reputation: 10
She asks DH if she can come over and he asks me. She would be over here everyday if she could. She’s recently retired and has endless amount of time to waste.


Unfortunately the grandparents will be daycare. Luckily I can work from home and my job isn’t too demanding so I won’t need help everyday. But MIL will be over more when I go back to work. There’s plenty of time for her to spend with him.
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Old Yesterday, 05:48 PM
 
10,967 posts, read 8,493,825 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post
She asks DH if she can come over and he asks me. She would be over here everyday if she could. Sheís recently retired and has endless amount of time to waste.


Unfortunately the grandparents will be daycare. Luckily I can work from home and my job isnít too demanding so I wonít need help everyday. But MIL will be over more when I go back to work. Thereís plenty of time for her to spend with him.
Now is the time to get her acclimated to her role as caregiver. This included, food and naps. For ME, it would be important for the child to not get used to being held All The Time.
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Old Yesterday, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
33,940 posts, read 32,562,685 times
Reputation: 62074
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Now is the time to get her acclimated to her role as caregiver. This included, food and naps. For ME, it would be important for the child to not get used to being held All The Time.
Yep that could really derail any plans to teach the baby how to self-soothe etc.

OP are you saying your in-laws are going to be your day care? If so, you and DH need to read up on emotional boundaries ASAP.
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Old Yesterday, 07:32 PM
 
393 posts, read 275,092 times
Reputation: 598
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessInPhilly9 View Post
Prior to having a baby, I saw my MIL only on special occasions or holidays. Since having my first child in November, she has been over 2-3 times a week and frankly Iím getting sick of it. My maternity leave is over in a few weeks and I donít want to give up any more time with baby then I have to.

Plus when sheís over, she baby hogs. She will hold him for hours on end. I have to argue with her just so I can get him to nurse. Baby canít nap because she wonít let him. She does everything she can to keep him up so she can play with him.

I donít know if im overreacting but I feel like Iím seeing her too much. Once a week is where I would like to keep it at. DH doesnt think itís a big deal. He doesnít have a problem with handing baby over to his mom.

What do you guys think? Should I cut down the visits?? And if I should, how do I go about doing it? Iíve never been good at saying no
Man what a bummer! May need to move a state away or something, it sure needs to end.
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