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Old 01-18-2018, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,960 posts, read 98,776,620 times
Reputation: 31371

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SFBayBoomer View Post
My point in using the exact same language the OP used, changing only the girl (and girl's parents) to boy (and boy's parents), was to suggest that boys and their parents are just as responsible as girls and their parents.

I am not taking sides in this case.

I am just very weary of girls being held responsible for birth control when it should be shared by both boys and girls and by both women and men. No male should expect the female to be the person responsible for birth control.

IF someone chooses to engage in sex, it is wise for condoms to be used to protect from sexual diseases, also.
OK, I just didn't understand who you were criticizing. I agree, and I do think the OP is being harsh on this girl/her parents.
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Old 01-18-2018, 05:58 PM
 
11,694 posts, read 16,437,401 times
Reputation: 16335
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt View Post
How about "I see"? Everyone's situation is different.
Ok, what are you trying to say? She had a great time in OKC during her senior year and needed no wheels? Or she was pregnant in her senior year and needed no wheels?
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Old 01-18-2018, 06:02 PM
 
11,694 posts, read 16,437,401 times
Reputation: 16335
What is the actual issue? He is under age. She is of age. What are their plans parents religion aside? ... SO's questions.
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Old 01-18-2018, 06:03 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,960 posts, read 98,776,620 times
Reputation: 31371
Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep View Post
Ok, what are you trying to say? She had a great time in OKC during her senior year and needed no wheels? Or she was pregnant in her senior year and needed no wheels?
My niece had no interest in learning to drive when she was a senior in high school in Lawton, not OKC.
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Old 01-18-2018, 07:23 PM
 
458 posts, read 452,100 times
Reputation: 660
Quote:
Originally Posted by soonerguy View Post
I've read all the responses and I appreciate them. They've all been thought-provoking. This only came about 3 days ago so not much has been said between he and I. I'm trying to formulate what to say as I don't want to say things I'll regret, that's why I posted here. I do realize this is probably the most significant event of his life (now and in the future) and I do want to help him through it. I have no choice. He has no other family to speak of.

I do want to say that I feel I did everything right. He had access to condoms (a box was always available in our house) and I had plenty of talks with him. I let him visit her on the weekends and he was always home by 9 or 10 as I asked. He is after all 17. They were always at her parents' house. I do think the girl's parents will be happy to have her and the baby living with them. They are Catholic so there is really no other option as keep (or not) the baby. He's a very likeable guy and the parents like him a lot.

I had begun to think that his relationship with her was cooling, and I was getting ready to ask about it. He tends to tire of situations fairly quickly and they had been a thing for a year. He was excited about college (had been accepted at two), and was in the process of trying to get accepted into a specialized music school with a more involved application process. Someone upthread said something that I suspect may have some merit. I'm wondering if the girl did it to keep him close. I know by her Facebook posts that she is completely head-over-heels for him and thinks he is the best thing that ever happened to her. So, there's that.

My biggest concern is that he has never been very responsible and tends to extract himself from (or ignore) situations where some responsibility is needed.
Our unmarried daughter got pregnant. We pretended we were happy about it. Truth is, I was devastated. I would wake up in the middle of the night with stomach pain and doubt. Lots of doubt.

OP, my advice would be to stand by your son, help him step up and provide for this baby. It sounds like her parents are going to help as well. You say this girl loves him dearly. That will get them through a lot of rough patches. Your son will mature quickly after his baby is put in his arms.

Time passes fast. Our grandchild will graduate High School this year. Such an unbelievable blessing to us.
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Old 01-18-2018, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,960 posts, read 98,776,620 times
Reputation: 31371
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Aw come on, You can't extrapolate a theory about the OP's grandbaby's mama with this anecdote about Katarina's niece?
(Bangs head on computer.) FYI, BirdieBelle, the original post I responded to was this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina View Post
I wouldn’t assume she is wildly immature over a drivers license. She’s mature enough to graduate high and get a job so she’s not exactly drooling in her sippy cup either lol.

We don’t know this girl well enough to judge her maturity level IMO.

Having known many young mothers I’ve seen more than a few rise to the occasion in ways I didn’t expect. Should adoption be discussed with this couple as a possible option? Sure. But right now I wouldn’t automatically assume these two are doomed if they decide to keep the baby. They are young, healthy, energetic, willing, done with a crucial baseline in their education and have family support. If they really wanted to they could make it happen.
I agreed with Tinawina and said I had a niece who didn't want to learn how to drive. Threestep then responded below:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep View Post
Just look at a map of OK and/or OKC - you do not get far on foot.
I said my niece was actually in Oklahoma at the time. Threestep then came up with this regarding my niece:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep View Post
Ok, what are you trying to say? She had a great time in OKC during her senior year and needed no wheels? Or she was pregnant in her senior year and needed no wheels?
Why does Threestep care so much about my niece that s/he can't let it drop?

And you're on MY case? :

Good For You!

Last edited by Katarina Witt; 01-18-2018 at 08:30 PM..
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Old 01-18-2018, 08:34 PM
 
3,325 posts, read 3,259,105 times
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I think he should still plan on going to college! The baby will have mom, grandparents, and you, and when he can be there, your son. Under these circumstances, he cannot provide much. What's he supposed to do, drop school and go to work at age 17? But he should choose to get some quick career oriented training that will enable him to earn a real wage, quickly.
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Old 01-18-2018, 09:55 PM
 
10,608 posts, read 13,373,641 times
Reputation: 17153
Quote:
Originally Posted by deeken View Post
This is where you need to tell your son to have his GF get an abortion. Don't let people tell you otherwise. It's the best solution.
That's funny. The male who couldn't be bothered wearing a condom is now going to dictate that the female who is carrying the baby, and will be attached to and responsible for it until the day she dies MUST end it's life.

"No."

"Now get your wallet out and prepare to spend a cool $100-$200K instead of a free condom."
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Old 01-18-2018, 10:04 PM
 
10,608 posts, read 13,373,641 times
Reputation: 17153
OP, as the mother of a boy this was my worst fear. The ONLY saving grace was my son was afraid he'd blow his trust fund if he got a GF pregnant. I can't tell you how many hours I spent lecturing the both of them. I even threatened to put an image of my face on the ceiling of their bedroom when they lived together during college LOL. I scared the crap out of him. RIGHT IN FRONT of his two girlfriends I told him "You can NEVER believe a girl just because she says she's on birth control because we ALL know about forgetting the pills and tripling up for three/four days straight, skipping, having them fail if you take certain meds.... or whatever. CONDOMS ARE MANDATORY!"

Anyway...

1. YES, paternity test.

2. See a lawyer to understand his obligations.

3. Find out if he actually DOES want to continue school Then encourage it. Doesn't sound like you've had any in depth talks like that.

What will the law say? At worst, they'll order support of a certain percentage of his "pay" and if he's not working while in college the lawyer will advise you what the courts do. Likely they'll place a lien/levy against future earnings. So when he has a job, then he'll pay. OR he can always maintain a part time job and pay during college as to not destroy his credit.

It's not in the baby's interest to have a father who can't provide for him, even if it means for the short term he's not able to meet his obligations completely. If he will do so and have a better income later.

Of course, only you know the kid and it sounds like he's not exactly thinking straight or the high motivated type to figure this all out yet. And if he WILL ever actually make better money in the future by sticking with school.

OR he's planning to move in with her parents since they seem so "yeah this is great" and irresponsible underachieving themselves.

That really sux and there's no excuse for it. And yeah, I'd be furious.
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Old 01-18-2018, 10:43 PM
 
608 posts, read 319,572 times
Reputation: 824
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
Abort. Period. Problem solved.
It sounds like the parents are excited for their new baby.

OP has no choice in the matter.
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