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Old 01-17-2018, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Long Island
8,331 posts, read 10,756,713 times
Reputation: 4551

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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
IUD is good for 10 and can be removed at any time - gets you through high school and college.
If only there's something as simple as this for boys so we wouldn't have to worry that the other side took these precautions.
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Old 01-17-2018, 12:30 PM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
1,290 posts, read 472,848 times
Reputation: 3522
Iím truly sorry that your son and his girlfriend are in this situation OP. Iím sorry because I did the exact same thing, and it altered my life in ways I could never have imagined.

When my girlfriend got pregnant it was at a time when if that happened, you did the ďright thingĒ and got married. For me, this was the absolute worst thing I could have done because I wasnít even close to being emotionally ready for marriage or children.

We got married and struggled financially from that moment on. No hope of college when youíre working two jobs,paying rent,utilities,groceries,and all the other things that must be paid for. Not to discourage you more than you already are, but if Iím being honest I didnít climb out of the financial hole until I was in my 30ís,and that was a long time to struggle. Of course, more kids came along which only added to the financial burdens.

If I had it to do over again, I would have been a parent to my child but not a husband,which I sucked at big time. I really hope your son and girlfriend talk this through with someone other than both parents because they need a realistic view of the road ahead, not someone telling them how they canít wait for a grandchild.
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Old 01-17-2018, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
66,760 posts, read 76,048,785 times
Reputation: 35944
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nurse Bishop View Post
If I had a teenage daughter I would get her a birth control implant. It protects against pregnancy for up to 4 years.
good advise, but doesn't do much good to close the barn door after the horses are out. No pun intended.
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Old 01-17-2018, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
3,826 posts, read 1,285,810 times
Reputation: 8241
Quote:
Originally Posted by soonerguy View Post
I'm mad at him and the girl and her parents. He would go over to her house and spend several hours in the evenings on the weekends and I don't understand what kind of parents would let an unemployed, irresponsible teenager have sex with their daughter without her being on birth control. .
You let your son do this. You knew he was out of your home, knew he was with the girl. Why didn't you talk to him about using birth control and give him a pack of condoms?
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Old 01-17-2018, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
3,826 posts, read 1,285,810 times
Reputation: 8241
Quote:
Originally Posted by ovi8 View Post
If only there's something as simple as this for boys so we wouldn't have to worry that the other side took these precautions.
There is. It's called condoms. They are highly effective when used correctly.
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Old 01-17-2018, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
66,760 posts, read 76,048,785 times
Reputation: 35944
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
Congratulations. This is your son's new reality. It happens. Don't waste time or energy blaming anyone, this was his choice to take the risk.

There is a new baby coming. Help guide him to be responsible and a good father. This can make him stronger.

It happens to the best of families.
yes, it happens and yes there is a baby on the way, but your advise, though meaning well may not do much to ease the problems facing this young couple. Neither is old enough ,especially the young man to be mature parents. I understand how the mom feels. I do agree the blame can fall anywhere and everywhere. Telling mom to guide him to be a good father is a little naive.

OP: I know this is not what the mommy to be or her family would want, but as a mother of 2 adopted children, many foster kids and a biological daughter , all frown and parents of their own, the best advise for every one would be adoption.

If adoption is out of the question all you can do is hope for the best and help your son as best you can. The sad thing, he will be responsible for child support for 18 years and his college plans will be more challenging when he has to take classes, do homework and support the baby. It can be done but sacrifices will need to be made and he will grow up faster than many kids his age. Good luck and prayers for a satisfactory outcome. BTW I do understand why you are holding the girls parents somewhat responsible.
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Old 01-17-2018, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
66,760 posts, read 76,048,785 times
Reputation: 35944
Quote:
Originally Posted by infocyde View Post
Life isn't over for your son, it is just taking a vastly different course.
He made of made a mistake, but the new life that is coming is not a mistake, it is a human.
People have been having kids at a young age for a long, long time...it happens, it is common. It doesn't mean your son or his gf's lives are over. Just different. I would encourage them to get married and stick it out. Encourage your son to still pursue his gifts but he might have to wait a bit, doesn't mean anything other than he has to wait a bit. Gifts still there, potential still there, many of the greatest people in the world do not take the straight/conventional path to achieve their potential.
sorry you lost me when you suggested they get married. I agree his life nor hers is over and yes, a new life will be entering into our world. That is a life of a wonderful innocent child, but I don't see any advantage of them getting married unless this is something they both want badly.
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:00 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
32,063 posts, read 40,262,379 times
Reputation: 52088
Is the girl intending to raise the baby? I’m with nmnita, that adoption is the best for everyone under the circumstances.
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:02 PM
 
10,744 posts, read 15,493,410 times
Reputation: 14462
He is 17. She is 18. Between the two of them they have no education, no jobs allowing them to support a family, not much of an outlook on life.

Buying juice sounds like a teenager. Raising a child with not much is not buying juice. It is not a doll. Has everyone sat down with a counselor to discuss all options for the three parties involved? This is not the time to be mad, upset or kicking him/her/them out.

Marriage because of a pregnancy is a bit 1930 even in OK. Paternity test may come in handy.
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
66,760 posts, read 76,048,785 times
Reputation: 35944
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
You let your son do this. You knew he was out of your home, knew he was with the girl. Why didn't you talk to him about using birth control and give him a pack of condoms?
did you really read what she/he said. the young man knew about protection and was aware what could happen. What would you expect a parent to do? Show him how to use the condom and stand over him while he used it? I am sorry, but I think all that could be done was done and i do understand how the OP feels. No she/he did not let the son do this. No one can stop a young person from doing careless things without realizing the consequences. No one is totally to blame except the 2 young people, but I would have to say, a parent who leaves their daughter alone with her boyfriend for hours on end is not showing much responsibility,
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