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Old 01-17-2018, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
3,785 posts, read 8,384,539 times
Reputation: 7318

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I definitely suggest paternity test. I think adoption is worth a serious conversation.
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
3,826 posts, read 1,285,810 times
Reputation: 8241
I am totally against pressuring young women to give up their children for adoption. It should be the woman's decision and she should not be pressured into it. If she can get any support to keep her child, she should be able to do that. She won't always be young and poor.
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:25 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
8,823 posts, read 12,589,206 times
Reputation: 17641
Quote:
Originally Posted by nmnita View Post
but I would have to say, a parent who leaves their daughter alone with her boyfriend for hours on end is not showing much responsibility
Except she's 18, not 15 or 16, old enough to know better at any rate. And the boy was 'left alone' for hours with the girl too, let's not just assign blame to one set of parents for the two of them being alone together.


Quote:
he's got both nature and nurture working against him for living a successful upper middle class life.
I don't even know what, how? As if being able to live a middle class life is something in your genes???
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:35 PM
 
Location: North Oakland
8,579 posts, read 7,735,662 times
Reputation: 12519
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
You let your son do this. You knew he was out of your home, knew he was with the girl. Why didn't you talk to him about using birth control and give him a pack of condoms?
Somehow, you missed this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by soonerguy View Post
He had access to protection and was fully aware of the dangers of not using it.
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:35 PM
Status: "Springtime in the Rockies" (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
82,790 posts, read 95,236,514 times
Reputation: 29366
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
If anyone thinks I'm suggesting they get married, I'm not. My friend did that and made it work but that was a generation ago when it was more expected that you get married if you were pregnant and wanted to keep the baby.

I'm suggesting maybe this was a purposeful act - that both of them intended to get pregnant, and he is now happy about it and didn't want to go to school in the first place.

Which is an entirely different problem from dealing with an accidental pregnancy and a son who very much wants to go to college.
I think you're reaching. Kids don't usually do that type of "planning". There are certainly better ways to avoid college. Even if the DS is ambivalent about college, in a month he may feel differently.
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:37 PM
 
4,051 posts, read 1,532,116 times
Reputation: 11760
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Except she's 18, not 15 or 16, old enough to know better at any rate. And the boy was 'left alone' for hours with the girl too, let's not just assign blame to one set of parents for the two of them being alone together.


I don't even know what, how? As if being able to live a middle class life is something in your genes???
Maybe middle class wasn't the right choice of wording, I agree.

"Stable and successful". And yes, that's in your genes.
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:40 PM
 
4,051 posts, read 1,532,116 times
Reputation: 11760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt View Post
I think you're reaching. Kids don't usually do that type of "planning". There are certainly better ways to avoid college. Even if the DS is ambivalent about college, in a month he may feel differently.
They do plan it, a lot. I agree he may feel differently in a month, but I do see young people purposely get pregnant when they have no possibility of providing a stable loving home without welfare or their parents.

And this is new. You really didn't see young couples purposely getting pregnant in high school before this generation. Accidents happened, but no one did this on purpose in the past.
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Old 01-17-2018, 01:43 PM
 
15,312 posts, read 17,300,417 times
Reputation: 24003
You have a right to be terrified and to vent. Get that out of your system, do not let your son know....do not turn your back on him emotionally.

What ever you do, do not give up on him now. Roll up your sleeves and Be loving and caring because he will need that support from you now more than ever.

Think about what for him would be a devastating choice....since he was adopted he likely would never choose to abandon his baby, even if it is so difficult at this time.

Acknowledge that this is not the first choice that you would have wanted for your son, but this is the reality that you are dealing with.

Show him the way. You must have some real strengths to have adopted him as a single parent. Show him how to become a successful single parent.

It will be a struggle for a time, but if you model the love and nurturing for him now it will be worth it. And, it is the right thing to do as a parent.
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Old 01-17-2018, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,190 posts, read 13,159,162 times
Reputation: 18057
Getting pregnant to keep the son from going to school, if any distance, could have been a plan, as I have seen that. Timely pregnancy.

It doesn't sound like OP has really discussed this with her son as to the plans ahead. I'd start there, what plans do the couple have for caring for the child. I doubt they have much of a plan, so would move on to the families meeting.
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Old 01-17-2018, 03:39 PM
 
737 posts, read 342,189 times
Reputation: 1716
Considering the father is a 17 year old boy, most likely this was an impulsive accident. There is a solution to this problem that hasn't been mentioned for some reason. I'm not going to say it, but it occurs to many.
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