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Is anyone suggesting she be pressured into giving her child up for adoption? No, she may not always been poor and of course not always young but if she isn't totally prepared for motherhood and very mature she is screwing up her life, the young man's life and most important the life of a innocent baby. Did you miss the part where she doesn't even know how to drive or at least doesn't have a drivers licence. Just knowing that, says she isn't very mature. you talk about support, even that only goes so far. I know too many cases where your women have decided to keep their babies, the parents are excited about having a little one in the house, and then things don't go so well. What happens? The loving little baby turns out to be a not so loving child and eventually a less than desirable adult. Reality has to be considered here and not an emotional, naive approach taken. Are there cases where a young girl, uneducated and immature can end up raising well adjusted children? Of course, but the odds are totally against this. I work with a volunteer group that raises funds for educating young, single mothers. My daughter is president of a group that deals with literacy issues and my husband and I are part of a group that works with young school aged kids who need extra attention. In almost every case these kids are products of single moms, split families or poverty; often all 3.
^^^ This.
In a continuously troubling situation among my neighbors, about twenty five years ago, a high school daughter became pregnant, went into labor at home during a major snow storm, without anyone having realized she was pregnant, including the none-too-bright girl. Her mother was a teacher, her father also a high school teacher. When she complained of acute stomach and back pains, they realized what was going on - baggy clothing was "in" then - and rushed her to the hospital, where her son was born. She kept the baby. His bio. father refused all responsibility or involvement. No idea about financial support.
The boy was accepted by his maternal extended family, eventually the mother got her GED and worked at low-wage jobs. The boy was heavily involved in youth sports and was taken under the wings of his older uncles and grandparents.
Once out of rehab, the cycle started again, now with an out-of-wedlock baby. This time, he was involved in his child's life and eventually proposed to the child's mother, who accepted. But he couldn't sustain it: the lure of addiction was too strong. Neighbors reported clumsy attempted break-ins, neighbors' yard tools turned up "accidentally" at his grandparents' house where he spent a lot of time, he was seen casing neighbors' houses during their absences, crowbar in hand - and he failed to report to his probation officer - another warrant for his arrest for parole violation resulted in another sentence.
Now, all of this might have occurred had this young man been blessed with mature, prepared, stable and intelligent parents. But he WAS blessed with a loving and caring and very involved extended family - and he still blew it, big time. If he had been adopted into a mature, stable and intelligent family, the outcome for everyone might have been far better. Or it might have been the same.
I would urge your son and his girlfriend to consider adoption, for everyone's sake. A form of open adoption might be possible. I believe Catholic Charities still has a strong adoption agency plus counseling available. I would also urge the mother to be to get the best prenatal care she can, and to educate herself on pregnancy, childbirth, and child development.
Oh, yeah, get that DNA test done. Just in case...
Best wishes to all involved, particularly the baby.
Is anyone suggesting she be pressured into giving her child up for adoption? No, she may not always been poor and of course not always young but if she isn't totally prepared for motherhood and very mature she is screwing up her life, the young man's life and most important the life of a innocent baby. Did you miss the part where she doesn't even know how to drive or at least doesn't have a drivers licence. Just knowing that, says she isn't very mature. you talk about support, even that only goes so far. I know too many cases where your women have decided to keep their babies, the parents are excited about having a little one in the house, and then things don't go so well. What happens? The loving little baby turns out to be a not so loving child and eventually a less than desirable adult. Reality has to be considered here and not an emotional, naive approach taken. Are there cases where a young girl, uneducated and immature can end up raising well adjusted children? Of course, but the odds are totally against this. I work with a volunteer group that raises funds for educating young, single mothers. My daughter is president of a group that deals with literacy issues and my husband and I are part of a group that works with young school aged kids who need extra attention. In almost every case these kids are products of single moms, split families or poverty; often all 3.
I wouldn’t assume she is wildly immature over a drivers license. She’s mature enough to graduate high and get a job so she’s not exactly drooling in her sippy cup either lol.
We don’t know this girl well enough to judge her maturity level IMO.
Having known many young mothers I’ve seen more than a few rise to the occasion in ways I didn’t expect. Should adoption be discussed with this couple as a possible option? Sure. But right now I wouldn’t automatically assume these two are doomed if they decide to keep the baby. They are young, healthy, energetic, willing, done with a crucial baseline in their education and have family support. If they really wanted to they could make it happen.
Seriously folks, teenagers are not always going to be responsible when it comes to sex. Is that hard to understand? Supposedly mature adults engage in reckless sex all the time. IT HAPPENS. Looking to blame the kids, parents, etc., is just plain silly. What's done is done. The only thing to do is try to work together to have clear expectations of what happens next. It is not the end of the world. Both kids should continue their education if possible. Has anyone even addressed adoption? There are numerous options to consider.
obviously you have not had time to read through this: yes, adoption has been suggested. As for continuing their educations, the girl at 18 has a job, no drivers license and apparently no plans for continuing her education. As for young people being responsible when it when it comes to sex, you are right. In fact young people are not always responsible period. this is why these stories are so sad. Because the family is catholic there really are not many options. The options are: adoption or raise the baby and hope like HELL things can be worked out, but the chances of a successful end to the story are slim.
With in our own family I can think of 2 stories, both ending badly: my own brother got his girlfriend pregnant when she was 17 and he 18, just prior to high school graduation. They did get married, both finished high school, neither went on to college though my brother did take a few night school classes. 9 years and 2 kids later the marriage ended. My brother actually got custody of the kids, but he wasn't ready to take on 1 kids and ended up allowing his son to return to his mom and the girl my sister tried to raise. I won't go into detail but both made poor choices as adults, especially my nephew. Another situation, again in our family, one of my nieces though married had her daughter when she was only 19 and her marriage lasted less than 6 months. of course by then she was pregnant and nowhere ready to be a mom. She was just finishing her freshman year in college. Another long story: Sad ending, her little girl ended up a drug user, had 4 kids by the time she was in her early 20s, has no relationship with her mom or her kids. Obviously I have very strong feelings about babies born to babies and 2 immature young people playing house.
What does maturity have to do with whether or not someone has a license just because they are old enough to get one??? I was 21 when I first got mine. Unlike a lot of late-teen kids, it just wasn't my highest priority.
Let me say, you are unusual unless you live in a metro area with good public transportation. Not wanting to drive to me is a sign of not wanting responsibility. At least in most cases. I was actually married and out of college when I finally got my license but growing up in the 50s was a different era. most women din't drive because families often only had one car. On the other hand, all our kids and their friends were driving by the time they got out of high school. Not driving isn't necessarily a sign of maturity or lack of the same, but mixed with everything else, from what we are reading she seems very immature to me.
I have not read the whole thread, but wanted to say that I was 16 and pregnant when I married my husband he was 18 and had just graduated high school, and was accepted at Yale. He did not go, started working for minimum wage.
shortly after having our second child in two years he joined the Air force, and aced all his intake tests, went into electroics. after he was trained they were over manned in that field and told him he could retrain or be discharged, so he was discharged and moved on to private jobs in electronics field he also started college at night with GI bill.
We moved a few times and he always moved up the ladder. We ended up with five children and as of this coming Sept. will have been married 50 years. Also when he retired in 2015 he was making $170K a year as a senior director at a famous audio/video company.
Stand by them. Tell them if you're going to pay you're going to pay too. Especially stand by her, she's doing the heavy lifting and will be for a long time to come. This happens a lot even if precautions are taken and at least your son hasn't left the country leaving her alone.
You know very well in this country the only option promoted is to have the baby and struggle raising it while being a burden to others (in most cases your parents)
AND the taxpayers. Please don't forget the taxpayers.
Wow! This thread really got going while I was out having fun buying groceries! The perishables are put away, so I can devote some time to CD. (Don't everyone groan at once.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina
I wouldn’t assume she is wildly immature over a drivers license. She’s mature enough to graduate high and get a job so she’s not exactly drooling in her sippy cup either lol.
We don’t know this girl well enough to judge her maturity level IMO.
Having known many young mothers I’ve seen more than a few rise to the occasion in ways I didn’t expect. Should adoption be discussed with this couple as a possible option? Sure. But right now I wouldn’t automatically assume these two are doomed if they decide to keep the baby. They are young, healthy, energetic, willing, done with a crucial baseline in their education and have family support. If they really wanted to they could make it happen.
Bold #1: Agreed. My niece did not learn to drive until she was in her 20s. She had no interest in learning to drive in HS, and she didn't need to learn in college living on campus. Plus, I think she had some boyfriends who drove!
#2: Yes and no. Having worked with many teen moms, and having had a few in my family, I've seen it go both good and bad. What's positive, for the mom anyway, is that she is 18 years old, not 14, and she'll probably be close to 19 when she has the baby. That's about as good as it gets for teen moms.
I think all the options should be discussed with them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SportyandMisty
^^^ This. ^^^
Both children need their parents to guide them through this.
The girl is 18, she is legally an adult. Her parents can advise, but that's all they can do.
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