Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Tonight I was looking at social media videos and a Mom one came up about going to the bathroom. Mom is on the toilet. Kids come in and ask for mundane things, or just to say hi or check on her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
lock the door and teach her some manners?
Exactly. I have never ever understood why moms let their kids walk in on them in the bathroom. LOCK THE DOOR. What's so hard about that? I stayed home with my three kids from birth, and no one ever walked in on me in the bathroom. Because I locked the door. If they're hanging around right outside the door saying "Mommy, Mommy," well, so be it. I'm not letting them come in to watch me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolinaPig
True. I don't think I have it harder or better than anyone else, I just hate when my contributions are dismissed. I'm sure that is a universal feeling.
That's been my biggest issue. Staying home with kids and homemaking are not valued by society. Only making money is valued. If a SAHM talks about how she spends her time cooking, shopping, cleaning, caring for babies, taking kids to parks and libraries, etc., no one says admiringly what a wonderful thing she is doing for her family. No. They say either "That sounds so awful, I'd be bored out of my mind," or "Well, I'm a working mom, and I do all those things AND WORK."
That's been my biggest issue. Staying home with kids and homemaking are not valued by society. Only making money is valued. If a SAHM talks about how she spends her time cooking, shopping, cleaning, caring for babies, taking kids to parks and libraries, etc., no one says admiringly what a wonderful thing she is doing for her family. No. They say either "That sounds so awful, I'd be bored out of my mind," or "Well, I'm a working mom, and I do all those things AND WORK."
People also assume that SAHMs don't have their own money and that any money they have, comes from their husband. It's simply not true across the board.
Exactly. I have never ever understood why moms let their kids walk in on them in the bathroom. LOCK THE DOOR. What's so hard about that? I stayed home with my three kids from birth, and no one ever walked in on me in the bathroom. Because I locked the door. If they're hanging around right outside the door saying "Mommy, Mommy," well, so be it. I'm not letting them come in to watch me.
That's been my biggest issue. Staying home with kids and homemaking are not valued by society. Only making money is valued. If a SAHM talks about how she spends her time cooking, shopping, cleaning, caring for babies, taking kids to parks and libraries, etc., no one says admiringly what a wonderful thing she is doing for her family. No. They say either "That sounds so awful, I'd be bored out of my mind," or "Well, I'm a working mom, and I do all those things AND WORK."
You're right! Although I have had elderly say nice things, and random service men with their own stay at home wives.
This happens to all mothers, not just those who stay at home. Though I will say that even though I stayed home with my children, I rarely had a child in the bathroom with me. I waited until they were occupied and would be fast about it!
Yet it isn't 24/7.
Anyways...I have the utmost respect for working moms, as I do for SAHMs. I have been both. Neither is easy. My point was that it is hard to be "on duty" 24/7 without a real break. Many, not all, working moms (like I was) did get to squeeze in some protected "me time" in the day. SAHMs don't often get that unless they stay on top of that need. Its so easy to get overwhelmed and sucked in to always being available...and the exhaustion that brings. It wasn't a pissing contest.
If you were successful at always being "fast about it"...awesome. A few days ago I was stark naked and stepping into the shower and my kid knocked on the door and informed me they threw up on the floor...I didn't get a moment alone for a week after that because the illness spread like wildfire...and I didn't even get the 15 minute drive to work to decompress. It was round the clock puke detail.
My husband told me how grateful he was that he got to go to work (not in a bragging way) to get a break...he does love his job (as I loved mine). I am sure that factors in. But...it is different. And I know they are both hard...but they are *not* the same.
Exactly. I have never ever understood why moms let their kids walk in on them in the bathroom. LOCK THE DOOR. What's so hard about that? I stayed home with my three kids from birth, and no one ever walked in on me in the bathroom. Because I locked the door. If they're hanging around right outside the door saying "Mommy, Mommy," well, so be it. I'm not letting them come in to watch me.
That's been my biggest issue. Staying home with kids and homemaking are not valued by society. Only making money is valued. If a SAHM talks about how she spends her time cooking, shopping, cleaning, caring for babies, taking kids to parks and libraries, etc., no one says admiringly what a wonderful thing she is doing for her family. No. They say either "That sounds so awful, I'd be bored out of my mind," or "Well, I'm a working mom, and I do all those things AND WORK."
Do you think this is inclusive to SAHM? The entire world is upside down by gross materialism and consumption. We have a distorted version of capitalism that the only value that matters is money, money, money. That is why many professions are undervalued, especially pink professions that historically pay less.
I'll start with the typical recital of I how know every not single SAHM complains. This thread is based on enough first-hand observations of complaining SAHM moms that I wanted to ask so I could better understand. The complaining annoys the crap out of me, but I thought if I understood it better, maybe I wouldn't be so irritated.
I know several SAHMs who seemingly do nothing but complain and are extremely resentful. If you didn't know better, you would think they have the worst lives. They complain about everything from chores, to shopping, to husbands and whatever else they can think of. These are women with nice houses, no reasons to be materially stressed, and husbands who seem to be good men with well-paying jobs. One even has a cleaning lady. All of this is compounded when they get together and it becomes a contest to see who has the worst life and the biggest clod of a husband.
I know staying at home with kids all of the time is hard as hell. There is no way I could or would want to do it. But at the same time, I am having trouble understanding why the SAHM moms seem to complain more than the working moms who have jobs AND have to manage kids and a household (because it still is primarily the women leading on both of these). Particularly, since staying-at-home is often a choice whereas having to work often is not.
I have a few theories. I'm curious if SAHM think any of these are the reasons for the complaints or if there are others:
1) Lack of adult interaction. Talking about poopies and having Paw Patrol on in the background is probably difficult and mentally frustrating.
2) Feeling of inferiority for not working. I know one of my friends who is a SAHM has this issue. She has a MA in International Relations and she is resentful that she stays home and is wasting her education.
3) Feeling of imbalance in household duties. All of the SAHMs I know complain about the husbands not doing enough. It's as if they think hubby leaves for the day and goes and just has a grand old time all day long. As a SAHM, what do you expect from husband in terms of pitching in around the house?
Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone could shed some light on why SAHMs seem so miserable. My purpose is not to criticize but to better understand.
1. YES
2. NO, they don't feel "inferior" but yes, they may be resentful.
3. YES. Husbands often get a 'break' when they get home, but mom's don't.
I am a working mom. I would probably be suicidal if I had to be a SAHM. Literally. It would be terrible. For the reasons you mention and many more.
4. People like YOU, OP, who judge SAHMs as lazy complainers and offer a lack of understanding
5. A literal feeling of clausterphobia and being trapped.
6. Having to worry about finances if a marriage disolves, so feeling even more trapped
7. Kids are like mental terrorists and can really affect you with whining 60 hours a week
8. Not being appreciated by your husband
As a working mom, the days I go to work are INFINITELY EASIER than weekends when I'm alone with my kids (like if hubby is out of town). I get to breathe and relax at work, compared to the constant demands of my children, constantly worrying about if they are safe (not choking, tripping, etc). At home, I can't even poop in peace- at least I can poop in peace at work. At home, the noise is constant, it's like a torture technique. At work, there are moments of quiet. At home, I have to constatly be "on" and interacting with my kids. At work, when I'm doing forms or paperwork, I don't have to be "on"
That's been my biggest issue. Staying home with kids and homemaking are not valued by society. Only making money is valued. If a SAHM talks about how she spends her time cooking, shopping, cleaning, caring for babies, taking kids to parks and libraries, etc., no one says admiringly what a wonderful thing she is doing for her family. No. They say either "That sounds so awful, I'd be bored out of my mind," or "Well, I'm a working mom, and I do all those things AND WORK."
Okay, and the reaction to being a working mom is often passive-aggressive comments like “I can’t imagine letting strangers raise my babies” or “My husband and I made so sacrifices for me to be a SAHM.” Or if you’re really lucky, so wisecrack about the feminist movement “forcing” women into the workplace.
People like to criticize and say shyt no matter what you do. It’s just silly for any of us to now expect validation for doing what parents have been doing for millions of years.
Okay, and the reaction to being a working mom is often passive-aggressive comments like “I can’t imagine letting strangers raise my babies” or “My husband and I made so sacrifices for me to be a SAHM.” Or if you’re really lucky, so wisecrack about the feminist movement “forcing” women into the workplace.
People like to criticize and say shyt no matter what you do. It’s just silly for any of us to now expect validation for doing what parents have been doing for millions of years.
Having been a mother in many different roles (WAHM, WOHM, SAHM or some combination of the two/three) I can say that the times my husband or I were able to stay home with the kids were good. And that we were lucky to be able to do so. That's not meant as a swipe against anyone. Its really hard to juggle schedules and make sure everything gets done and everyone's needs are met when you have other responsibilities like a paying job.
Okay, and the reaction to being a working mom is often passive-aggressive comments like “I can’t imagine letting strangers raise my babies” or “My husband and I made so sacrifices for me to be a SAHM.” Or if you’re really lucky, so wisecrack about the feminist movement “forcing” women into the workplace.
People like to criticize and say shyt no matter what you do. It’s just silly for any of us to now expect validation for doing what parents have been doing for millions of years.
Of course, the majority of SAHMs do think they are doing the superior thing, and the majority of working moms also think their way is superior. Just listen to all the reasons the one side gives on how it's much better for the development of the little ones if Mom is home, and then all the reasons the other side quotes on how studies show working mothers and their children do better on all these other metrics.
I get it. For the most part, people are doing what they want / need to do, and if they didn't think it was the right thing, they wouldn't do it that way. And having made a decision (or having it made for them by circumstances), they feel the need to defend it. Just human nature and no one should be surprised by that.
But people do get so overly dramatic. I'm sure it goes both ways, but as a SAHM myself, I less often heard "How can you let your kids be raised by a babysitter" and more often, "OMG. I would DIE if I had to stay home with my kids all the time. Like, it would be UNBEARABLE. I would LOSE MY MIND. I would COMMIT SUICIDE." While I would be thinking, Well, you sure seem a little mentally unstable. For your kid's sake, I hope you don't get laid off.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.