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Old 11-15-2019, 12:00 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,674 posts, read 3,471,042 times
Reputation: 14713

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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
If I were to die suddenly, my husband would have to hire a full time nanny at $40,000 a year since our children are still very young. That's why I have life insurance. Yes, I am a stay at home mother and we have a life insurance policy on ME as well as my husband. When I tell people this they act pretty shocked because they seem to think my role in the family has no financial worth. They believe I sit home and watch soap operas all day long.
Don't get me wrong, because the work of a SAHP does have economic value and also I think it's one of the best things parents can do for their small children - but the vast majority of single parents of small children do not have the financial means to hire a nanny, and yet they figure it out.
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Old 11-16-2019, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Texas
11,562 posts, read 4,397,651 times
Reputation: 22488
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
Don't get me wrong, because the work of a SAHP does have economic value and also I think it's one of the best things parents can do for their small children - but the vast majority of single parents of small children do not have the financial means to hire a nanny, and yet they figure it out.
Sure, it's hard being a single parent. Unless they give up their child for adoption, they have to manage somehow. And that "somehow' might be really hard. but it's not a contest and it shouldn't be.

I know a woman who stays home, doesn't work, doesn't have children and has a housekeeper. She fills up her time with hobbies and social media. That's her prerogative and her life. If she's happy that way, I'm happy for her too. I think it's great she can live her life how she wants and her husband supports her in that. I'm sure she knows single moms have it harder and I don't think she would dispute that at all.
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Old Yesterday, 05:02 PM
 
18,690 posts, read 24,089,494 times
Reputation: 35374
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Sure, it's hard being a single parent. Unless they give up their child for adoption, they have to manage somehow. And that "somehow' might be really hard. but it's not a contest and it shouldn't be.

I know a woman who stays home, doesn't work, doesn't have children and has a housekeeper. She fills up her time with hobbies and social media. That's her prerogative and her life. If she's happy that way, I'm happy for her too. I think it's great she can live her life how she wants and her husband supports her in that. I'm sure she knows single moms have it harder and I don't think she would dispute that at all.
mrs brady??
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Old Yesterday, 05:10 PM
 
5,688 posts, read 3,075,561 times
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I loved that job! I had it for 13 years! Never complained!
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Old Yesterday, 05:37 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
2,820 posts, read 1,809,952 times
Reputation: 1786
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I had an au pair for a while as a stay at home mother. Guess what? I'm totally shame free and guilt free.

I think it's great that these moms had household help and au pairs, nannies, what have you. They probably can afford it, too.

My mom had housekeeper and nanny when me and my siblings were kids of course a lot of that was because we lived in a foreign country were it was expected to have help. With three young kids I am sure it helped her a lot.
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Old Yesterday, 05:38 PM
 
1,309 posts, read 869,249 times
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The grass is greener on the other side, I was a working mom and hated missing my children’s events and just chilling with them, when I stayed home I felt excluded from adults and doing adult things. I regretted working more then staying home though.
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Old Yesterday, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
372 posts, read 161,473 times
Reputation: 1707
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
That's true, if the SAHP is married to someone who travels for business a lot, they're going to be like a single parent in some ways and they'll need a nanny/au pair...that's one reason I had an au pair for a year, because my spouse traveled a lot. Otherwise, I would have been on my own with three young kids. I think a lot of people don't see or fully comprehend all the reasons for hiring help, they just jump to the conclusion that the SAHP is "lazy".

I worked as a nanny for many different families including one stay at home mother. In fact I had many friends and peers that worked for stay at home mothers who were "working" on their household full time. When you have a family and own/manage a home it easily can take up your whole day, especially when you want to save or be as economical as possible. Nannies aren't a complete bank-breaker; many work flexible hours and can work to meet the parents exact needs or budget. I've worked as little as 2 hours to as much as a full 52+ hour a week for different families. Everyone is and will have different reasons and ways of best caring for their children.

The one SAHP I worked with would be up making breakfast and lunches for the family when I first got in. Then after I got the kids up and on breakfast, she would start the laundry and go about fixing the rooms. The rest of the day was spent planning meals, going grocery shopping, doing errands, fixing and updating the house, paying bills and anything else that needed done for the family. Any extra time was spent with her kids, but when your running a household by yourself it's hard enough sometimes without a crazy toddler running around mad. The extra help allowed her to get her things finished to spend some time with the kids before dinner and enjoy her evening with her husband.

Looking back my mother and other SAHPs I know always had some outside help in some way. My mother had her parents living close and all my aunts would drop by nearly daily to help out on errands or watch us kids. The second us older ones got mature enough we acted as nannies and babysitters to our siblings so our mother could finish her household work. We often forget that family and close friends often act as added childcare help for SAHPs. We don't shame people for asking for help from their relatives so I don't see why people without close family or child-friendly friends should be shamed for their assistance.
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Old Today, 08:35 AM
 
541 posts, read 132,066 times
Reputation: 569
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tottsieanna View Post
The grass is greener on the other side, I was a working mom and hated missing my children’s events and just chilling with them, when I stayed home I felt excluded from adults and doing adult things. I regretted working more then staying home though.
I agree with this as well. I feel sad at work sometimes that I’m not home with my kids but then on the weekends or times I’ve had days off I’m like omg what are we going to do all day. On Saturday I was up at 7am with just my daughter and by 11am I was out of ideas on what to do next. Its cold here in Boston. I think if you’re a SAHM or any mom for that matter it’s so much easier living in a warm climate. Way more to do.

But most kids are in school these days at earlier ages which must be easier for SAHMs. I mean really in most cases the SAHMs are with the kids for a few hours in the afternoon.

There was this one weekend we stayed with my mom for the weekend. My kids were 1 and 3 at the time. That Sunday evening my mom goes, ok I’m going to go to work tomorrow to relax. I was like yup me too.

Last edited by Bridge781; Today at 08:37 AM.. Reason: Edit
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