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Old 01-22-2018, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Texas
5,328 posts, read 1,909,629 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklesNShine View Post
Probably boredom. My sister is a working mom and while she loves her kids to death, she was going positively stir crazy during her maternity leave. I don't think everyone's cut out to be at home all day, and the ones who aren't are likely the ones doing most of the complaining.
SAHMs don't necessarily stay at home all day, and they can stay very busy, especially if their kids aren't in school yet. It's a myth that they just sit on the couch all day. I'm a SAHM and most days I have to go somewhere - doctor, dentist, orthodontist, taking kids to school, gymnastics. Lots of car trips during the day.
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Old 01-22-2018, 06:19 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,735 posts, read 18,310,281 times
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The ones I know who complain have husbands who go to work and that's their sole contribution to the household chores. The husband is working 40 hours and the wife is taking care of the baby about 100 hours a week, assuming the baby or kids sleep ten hours a night. She's doing laundry and shopping and cleaning, she's automatically the one who cares for the kids when they're sick even if she's sick too, she never has a day off and the husband acts like she's suggested something obscene when she asks if he can keep an eye on the baby for two hours so she can shop for the week by herself. And if she complains to the husband, he says, "Well, I go to work every day so you can sit home on your butt watching daytime tv and going to storytime at the library."

My sister and her husband are going through that. She's really burned out and it's time to start trying for baby #2, before her eggs get too old.
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Old 01-22-2018, 06:23 PM
 
583 posts, read 236,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
The ones I know who complain have husbands who go to work and that's their sole contribution to the household chores. The husband is working 40 hours and the wife is taking care of the baby about 100 hours a week, assuming the baby or kids sleep ten hours a night. She's doing laundry and shopping and cleaning, she's automatically the one who cares for the kids when they're sick even if she's sick too, she never has a day off and the husband acts like she's suggested something obscene when she asks if he can keep an eye on the baby for two hours so she can shop for the week by herself. And if she complains to the husband, he says, "Well, I go to work every day so you can sit home on your butt watching daytime tv and going to storytime at the library."

My sister and her husband are going through that. She's really burned out and it's time to start trying for baby #2, before her eggs get too old.
No offense, but it sounds like adding a second kid is the absolute WORST thing they could do right now.
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Old 01-22-2018, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Ozark Mountains Arkansas
1,686 posts, read 1,027,345 times
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I was a SAHM for the most part, as in I was a wedding photographer on weekends and did my editing work at home during the week so I could be home. Since I had in the past worked full time with two kids, I knew the difference and can't say I ever really complained. BUT I did have a neighbor/friend who was extremely resentful that I didn't have to sit in traffic to go to work 5 days per week like she did and she would often remind me of it in the most negative ways. I have moved from there and don't keep in contact with her.
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Old 01-22-2018, 06:49 PM
 
12,838 posts, read 19,430,203 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Op. Your observations are spot on.

I tend to give short time to a kept person . I figure they got a limited awareness of how blessed they are.
My dil doesn't complain..she loves her kids and knows how being a parent doesn't have to be yelling or smacking. She is tender and has an orderly schedule for the little ones. Maybe she is the exception. She accentuates the good moments with the kids.
Define "kept person"? Surely you aren't calling SAHMs kept people?
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Old 01-22-2018, 07:15 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
8,524 posts, read 4,601,126 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Op. Your observations are spot on.

I tend to give short time to a kept person . I figure they got a limited awareness of how blessed they are.
My dil doesn't complain..she loves her kids and knows how being a parent doesn't have to be yelling or smacking. She is tender and has an orderly schedule for the little ones. Maybe she is the exception. She accentuates the good moments with the kids.
The thing is though, just because she doesn’t complain in front of you doesn’t mean she doesn’t complain. She could very well save her venting for more anonymous places. Happy, well-attached children, small but tidy apartment, healthy homemade treats always on hand. By all accounts, I was the happy, always smiling, enjoying every second SAHM, too... on the outside. Inside was a mass of anxiety and depression. Not because I disliked being home, but because of the financial hardship I knew it was causing for us.

Obviously you know her better than internet randos, but noone really knows what is going on in another person’s head.
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Old 01-22-2018, 08:10 PM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
1,517 posts, read 589,529 times
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My wife decided she wanted to stay home to raise our daughter and if you listen to her it was the most incredible experience ever. About the only thing she ever talked about was the lack of interaction with other adults, and being on a strict time watch when our daughter was in school. She says she wouldn’t change a thing about the experience.
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Old 01-22-2018, 10:14 PM
 
Location: 60630
11,503 posts, read 16,721,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by War Beagle View Post
I'll start with the typical recital of I how know every not single SAHM complains. This thread is based on enough first-hand observations of complaining SAHM moms that I wanted to ask so I could better understand. The complaining annoys the crap out of me, but I thought if I understood it better, maybe I wouldn't be so irritated.

I know several SAHMs who seemingly do nothing but complain and are extremely resentful. If you didn't know better, you would think they have the worst lives. They complain about everything from chores, to shopping, to husbands and whatever else they can think of. These are women with nice houses, no reasons to be materially stressed, and husbands who seem to be good men with well-paying jobs. One even has a cleaning lady. All of this is compounded when they get together and it becomes a contest to see who has the worst life and the biggest clod of a husband.

I know staying at home with kids all of the time is hard as hell. There is no way I could or would want to do it. But at the same time, I am having trouble understanding why the SAHM moms seem to complain more than the working moms who have jobs AND have to manage kids and a household (because it still is primarily the women leading on both of these). Particularly, since staying-at-home is often a choice whereas having to work often is not.

I have a few theories. I'm curious if SAHM think any of these are the reasons for the complaints or if there are others:

1) Lack of adult interaction. Talking about poopies and having Paw Patrol on in the background is probably difficult and mentally frustrating.

2) Feeling of inferiority for not working. I know one of my friends who is a SAHM has this issue. She has a MA in International Relations and she is resentful that she stays home and is wasting her education.

3) Feeling of imbalance in household duties. All of the SAHMs I know complain about the husbands not doing enough. It's as if they think hubby leaves for the day and goes and just has a grand old time all day long. As a SAHM, what do you expect from husband in terms of pitching in around the house?

Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone could shed some light on why SAHMs seem so miserable. My purpose is not to criticize but to better understand.
I was a stay at home mom for 5 years and I hated it. I did it while I was in school and when my daughter was born. I know there are stay at home moms that are truly great at it. I am not. I am a good mom, I care about my kids , tell them I love them and hug them every day. I am involved in their education, make sure they are where they should be etc. But I am not a typical soccer/stay at home super mom who are "100%" engaged in their kids everyday activities. I know many moms like that and I envy them. That is not an easy task.
Yes, adult interaction was my main complaints. And my husband not helping enough. This whole thing that he goes to work and I clean the house is bs. When in the past I was working full time, and now when I work at the hospital, I still do 89 % of the work in the house. lol
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Old 01-22-2018, 10:56 PM
 
1,991 posts, read 851,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by War Beagle;50779925

I have a few theories. I'm curious if SAHM think any of these are the reasons for the complaints or if there are others:

1) Lack of adult interaction. Talking about poopies and having Paw Patrol on in the background is probably difficult and mentally frustrating.

2) Feeling of inferiority for not working. I know one of my friends who is a SAHM has this issue. She has a MA in International Relations and she is resentful that she stays home and is wasting her education.

3) Feeling of imbalance in household duties. All of the SAHMs I know complain about the husbands not doing enough. It's as if they think hubby leaves for the day and goes and just has a grand old time all day long. As a SAHM, what do you expect from husband in terms of pitching in around the house?

Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone could shed some light on why SAHMs seem so miserable. [B
My purpose is not to criticize but to better understand.[/b]
1) I missed the adult interaction but solved it by joining a mothers group and also training and doing volunteer work one night a week. As the children got older and in school I expanded my volunteer work and took college classes.

2) Can't say feeling inferior was an issue but others assuming I had no interests or intellectual interests and spent my days sitting on my backside was.

3) not an issue

i haven't really seen too many sahm who are miserable but then I never hung around miserable sahm or working mums,although there are plenty online venting that makes it seem like all mothers are whiners.
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Old 01-22-2018, 11:41 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
3,810 posts, read 2,845,546 times
Reputation: 11043
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
SAHMs don't necessarily stay at home all day, and they can stay very busy, especially if their kids aren't in school yet. It's a myth that they just sit on the couch all day. I'm a SAHM and most days I have to go somewhere - doctor, dentist, orthodontist, taking kids to school, gymnastics. Lots of car trips during the day.
Working parents do all of that, plus work.
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