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Old 01-23-2018, 12:01 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
3,485 posts, read 2,657,925 times
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I think someone people just don't have the temperament and/or skills for interacting with small children, at least not 24/7. A lot of strategies can be learned, but some of it just comes down to a person's tolerance for repetition and silliness.

Like, listening to the same song over and over and over and over isn't "hard work," but it does wear on you. Same with, like, dealing with meltdowns over cutting sandwiches the wrong way or whatever. No matter how much you love the kid, it gets old. Plus, it can be isolating, especially as in this time period, your friends tend to become busy with their own children and/or careers. But it's not really acceptable to complain too much about your child, nor about loneliness (for some reason), whereas it's downright encouraged in some circles to complain about how busy you are, tired you are, etc, like the world has some reward for the most overbooked person. So that frustration boils up as those types of complaints, as they're more socially acceptable.

I will say that my SAHP friends who've never been full-time self-supporting workers complain a LOT more about the woes of SAHParenting than my SAHP friends who left the workforce to raise a child or children. I think part of that is that the latter group may feel they've had more of a choice? The feeling of having options means a lot to people. But I also think part of it is that the former group maybe doesn't have a true sense of just how overbooked they could be.

If it makes a difference, I've done both the SAHP thing and the working parent thing at various points in my life.
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Old 01-23-2018, 01:13 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
8,323 posts, read 9,773,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by War Beagle View Post
There could be something to this. One of them is on Facebook mommy groups all day and she seems to spend a good amount of time trying to prove how she is the best mom and the others are terrible
Oh War Beagle, that's just Mommy Wars. SAHM vs Working Moms, Breast vs Bottle, blah blah blah... . It's tiring and when your kid is grown you look back and laugh at the whole thing. Moms need to be easier on themselves, nobody is doing it perfectly.
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Old 01-23-2018, 04:46 AM
 
4,568 posts, read 2,272,742 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by War Beagle View Post

Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone could shed some light on why SAHMs seem so miserable. My purpose is not to criticize but to better understand.
Oh please. It is sad there were always be a battle between working mothers and SAHMs.

I was a stay at home Mother for 17 years. I was not miserable, nor did I know of any SAHM that was miserable. We all felt fortunate. I know a few now and they are all happy.
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Old 01-23-2018, 06:32 AM
 
Location: Queens, New Yawk
8,359 posts, read 4,362,218 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
Working parents do all of that, plus work.
A bit of a rabbit trail, but criky, nothing could have prepared me for the feats of coordinating routine medical and dental appointments as a working parent! When I was home, the biggest concern was arranging appointments around nap schedules, but now I have I create spreadsheets to figure out how to minimize taking time off from work and school, and not conflicting with other responsibilities. Iím currently in search of a new pediatrician because I cannot find one who doesnít block out appointments during school breaks, and hopefully has hours that donít require me to miss 4 hours of work for a 20 minute appointment.
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Old 01-23-2018, 06:47 AM
 
Location: St. Louis, MO
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I'm a SAHM- I have three children aged 2, 3 and 4. I have to say without a doubt that it is the hardest job I've ever had, but it is also the most rewarding. I wouldn't change it for anything.

For me, I think the hardest part is not having a break to mentally and emotionally recharge. I didn't even realize I needed that prior to becoming a mom!

When I was working, there were of course 1 or 2 scheduled breaks throughout the work day- if I didn't feel like talking to people I'd go to my car or somewhere else quiet on my break, to be anti social for 30 minutes, and then I'd be able to come back into work rejuvenated and smiling, and ready to deal with people again.

In my day as a SAHM, there is no such thing as alone time until after the kids go to bed at night. Of course, I'd rather have my children than not... but the days can be long, they can be tiring both physically and emotionally.

I had no idea how hard being a SAHM was going to be. But overall, the good still far outweighs the negatives. It can be overwhelming but it is also truly wonderful, being in a position to not miss any of my children's early years.

With regards to what the OP said, yes, we all need to vent. Some more than others. It isn't a SAHM thing, it's a human thing.
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Old 01-23-2018, 07:37 AM
 
Location: St. Louis, MO
3,619 posts, read 4,803,284 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
The ones I know who complain have husbands who go to work and that's their sole contribution to the household chores. The husband is working 40 hours and the wife is taking care of the baby about 100 hours a week, assuming the baby or kids sleep ten hours a night. She's doing laundry and shopping and cleaning, she's automatically the one who cares for the kids when they're sick even if she's sick too, she never has a day off and the husband acts like she's suggested something obscene when she asks if he can keep an eye on the baby for two hours so she can shop for the week by herself. And if she complains to the husband, he says, "Well, I go to work every day so you can sit home on your butt watching daytime tv and going to storytime at the library."

My sister and her husband are going through that. She's really burned out and it's time to start trying for baby #2, before her eggs get too old.
This is pretty much the way my situation is, too. Except that my DH works even longer hours. But, I'm not really complaining. There is no way for him to understand what my days are like because he isn't the stay at home parent. Plus, he does have an exhausting job himself.

When I was working full time, I did all of the cooking and housework, but it all seemed manageable as neither of us were home during the day so it isn't like anything got "messed up". We just continued with that setup once we had children... but now, with 3 young children in the house, the cooking and cleaning feels like it has increased 100 fold

I usually choose not to complain about it to him though, because a) I know it wouldn't help and b) It was my end of the bargain, a kind of unspoken agreement when I left work to be a SAHM.

I would rather be a SAHM and do all of the cooking, gardening and housework, than go back to work... miss out on my children's formative years and still have to do all of the above.

P.S. Not husband bashing. He's a really good guy, and works very, very hard to support our family. He's just got some very old fashioned notions, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
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Old 01-23-2018, 08:23 AM
 
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I know plenty of miserable SAHM's. There are plenty of non-SAHM's that are miserable too. I've met a few of them.
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Old 01-23-2018, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Arkansas
3,837 posts, read 1,297,484 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
A bit of a rabbit trail, but criky, nothing could have prepared me for the feats of coordinating routine medical and dental appointments as a working parent! When I was home, the biggest concern was arranging appointments around nap schedules, but now I have I create spreadsheets to figure out how to minimize taking time off from work and school, and not conflicting with other responsibilities. Iím currently in search of a new pediatrician because I cannot find one who doesnít block out appointments during school breaks, and hopefully has hours that donít require me to miss 4 hours of work for a 20 minute appointment.
It is a full time job. If you have more than 1 child, there is a lot of coordinating that goes on with schedules. Doctors, dentist appointments for all three kids, speech therapist, occupational therapist (for twins), gymnastics, theater rehearsals and orthodontist (for the older child). I keep a calendar but I'm going to need more than that to keep up with all of it.


If I died I don't know how my husband alone would be able to do all these things in addition to his full time job. So we have a life insurance policy....on ME. So that if I suddenly die, my spouse can hire a full time nanny, use daycare services, etc. That's why I want to address what a previous poster said, that SAHMS are "kept" persons. This is a joke. SAHMs do work, and their work has economic value which translates into money. Daycare for my two younger kids would cost around $1500 to $2000 a month. I'm the daycare, so that's money we get to keep while I take care of our kids.
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Old 01-23-2018, 09:30 AM
 
4,684 posts, read 5,759,810 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Define "kept person"? Surely you aren't calling SAHMs kept people?
Gaaah, yeah, I saw that too!

I'm not going to reply, though...too much to say, not enough time to say it. If any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant.
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Old 01-23-2018, 09:37 AM
 
4,684 posts, read 5,759,810 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
It is a full time job....That's why I want to address what a previous poster said, that SAHMS are "kept" persons. This is a joke. SAHMs do work, and their work has economic value which translates into money.
No joke, if I died all my peeps would be helpless! The way I see it, THEY are also "kept" persons. Gee, I wish someone else would make all my meals, clean my bathrooms, wash all my clothes and put them in the closet for me, put everything else aside to take care of me when I'm sick, etc. It's not that I mind doing those things for my family, it's just the insinuation that what I do has no value that really burns me up. We all have our jobs and our responsibilities within our families, and no one place is any more "important" than another.

Someone once gave monetary value to all the jobs that SAHMs do, that a person would have to pay someone else to do, and tallied it up, and it came out to a whopping yearly amount....can't remember exactly, but seems like it was over $100,000 a year.
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