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Old 01-24-2018, 05:09 PM
 
Location: NJ
253 posts, read 63,577 times
Reputation: 819

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Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?
Give up trying to motivate the "loser" you don't have control over other people. You might lead by example but your example might just have the opposite effect on your target. Instead of motivating them just try to be supportive. Not everyone marches to the same drum and you really can't tell which beat is the more worthwhile one.

You never know what is inside a person or what they are capable of. Just be optimistic that when the chips are down they could surprise you. The smarter, more diligent and good looking sibling might walk past someone having a heart attack on the street for some reason. Maybe they don't have time or don't want to engage with "regular" people. The second sibling, being less diligent might not care if they are late (or even miss) work to stop and help someone in distress.
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Old 01-24-2018, 05:57 PM
 
Location: St. Louis, MO
3,625 posts, read 4,805,873 times
Reputation: 3894
You have been offered some solid wisdom in previous threads.

I am a mother of three children- my sons are 4 and 3 (11 months apart- 'Irish' twins). Despite being so close in age, and about the same height, they've got very different personalities.

It isn't about labeling one child a winner and one child a loser- it is about finding where their individual strengths and talents lie.

Treat each child like the unique individual they are- help both of them discover what they're good at and praise them accordingly.
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Old 01-24-2018, 06:31 PM
Status: "ride into the sun" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
16,873 posts, read 20,646,163 times
Reputation: 40845
Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?

I'd start by NOT calling one of them a "loser".
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Old 01-24-2018, 07:31 PM
 
Location: here
24,004 posts, read 27,503,744 times
Reputation: 29488
Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?
I sincerely hope you are a troll looking for a reaction and not a parent.
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Old 01-24-2018, 09:27 PM
 
6,532 posts, read 4,799,666 times
Reputation: 11974
Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?
WOW! Are you the parent?

If you are, YOU are tying one of your kids hands behind his back
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Old 01-24-2018, 10:04 PM
 
7,954 posts, read 5,285,684 times
Reputation: 11180
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I'd start by NOT calling one of them a "loser".
Definitely. But harsh language and seemingly bad parenting aside, the overall question is a valid one. Our society tends to think everyone is equal, just in different ways. The thing is we are all a genetic crap shoot and there is nothing in biology that says we are all equal. Some people are born with brains and athleticism and some are born with neither. It stands to reason some are born losers in terms of genetics.

The environment of the home can help overcome the genetics. I think parents should be realistic about their kids and then parent to the individual kid's abilities. And every kid can be taught a strong work ethic, regardless of genetics. But to tell a kid he/she is a loser is to probably guarantee it.
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Old 01-24-2018, 11:27 PM
 
Location: East of the Sun, West of the Moon
14,190 posts, read 15,507,541 times
Reputation: 26247
Since the parent has already defined one of their children as a loser, the parent has doomed that child to mediocrity. Poor kid.

Chances are, the parent has a predefined criteria of what constitutes talent, and the "loser" child simply doesn't fit.

Hopefully the "loser" child has the will and fortitude to acheive what constitutes success by their own definition without any support form their loser parent.
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Old 01-25-2018, 12:10 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
3,487 posts, read 2,659,461 times
Reputation: 9831
They're the product of your genes and your parenting so I suppose I'd start by looking inward. Maybe some self-improvement is in order.
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Old 01-25-2018, 12:25 AM
 
1,258 posts, read 904,730 times
Reputation: 3938
I'm really hoping that you aren't the parent.
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Old 01-25-2018, 12:33 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,269 posts, read 1,374,823 times
Reputation: 11003
You don’t change other people.

You change you.

So what if you don’t like him? You don’t have to like everybody. Maybe he doesn’t like you much either.

You already know you need to “give the impression you like them equally”. Now do it. Or GTFO.

If you fail at this you’ll screw them both up; are you a grown man? Or some shrieking pageant queen swooning with emotion? Control yourself.

I think you can do this. I’d like to see you look back at this thread in a year & say “I can’t believe how I was thinking!”
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