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Old 01-25-2018, 02:27 AM
 
224 posts, read 80,861 times
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Each person has their gifts, and it's important to remember not all will be the best at the same thing. Even if there are two siblings and one seems more brilliant than the other, they both should have the same amount of love at home and not be favored one over the other. They are both blessings with their own individual personalities.

Maybe the more brilliant one has their own motivations and self-disciplines and the other needs more of a motivation because they realize their in-the-spotlight-better-than-me sibling gets more praise in the long run or don't feel they will equal up to their talents. It could be an explanation as to why one of them is harder to motivate. All they need is encouragement.

Instead of picking out what is better about one sibling over the other, keep in mind what they both do well. Maybe one sibling excels in communicating with others, but the other excels in time management. Perhaps one see's the big picture, but the other has an eye for detail. Look at the little things, they are both unique and have their own gifts. They may have their own gifts that they may not even realize or have discovered yet, but their gifts will definitely blossom into something special as they grow.

It kind of saddens me to hear "the loser", it feels pretty degrading to hear. It kind of set a line between "favorite" and "not a favorite". They need encouragement, to know that whatever they do that they do their best - that is most important. They both should be encouraged to do their best no matter what they do and in this, they are already successful.
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Old 01-25-2018, 05:29 AM
 
Location: Tennesee
7,918 posts, read 1,927,247 times
Reputation: 8137
Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?
Pray to God that your preference is not as obvious to the less favored child as it is to everyone here.

In the meantime, I will pray for your "loser."
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Old 01-25-2018, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Tennesee
7,918 posts, read 1,927,247 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I'd start by NOT calling one of them a "loser".
I think there is a loser in this scenario.

It ain't the kid.
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:57 AM
 
8,534 posts, read 7,030,904 times
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Wonder if that old myth about people feeling about their child the same way that felt about their partner when the child was conceived is really true?

Both those kids will be ruined if the op attitude continues.
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Old 01-25-2018, 07:21 AM
 
5,152 posts, read 3,805,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?

Why wouldn't a parent like both equally?


Or are we talking about the type of parent who has kids in order to garner accolades from others about how spectacular their kids are and sees their kids short comings as their own? Perhaps a parent with that attitude needs to learn to focus on attributes other than those that will result in them looking good and focus on the admirable attributes of the so called "loser". If they actually love the kid and not just his potential as a "winner", this won't be hard.
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Old 01-25-2018, 07:22 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,450,739 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?
Love them both. Help them both. The "smarter one" will need it, if not right now, one day. And the "mediocre one" will need today and tomorrow, and maybe not in the future (or maybe in the future too).

You never know when the smart will do something incredibly stupid :P
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Old 01-25-2018, 07:36 AM
 
218 posts, read 82,483 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri View Post
Are you the parent of these two?

They are not a parent, and definitely not of these two. A parent probably wouldn't refer to one of their kids as a loser, and if they would, that's really sad.
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Old 01-25-2018, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Bloomington, IL
11,560 posts, read 5,964,193 times
Reputation: 26104
You need to spend quality with both your children but most certainly with the one you've deemed a "loser" so that you can learn about his value and his needs. If he does have some areas where extra attention will be helpful, don't forget about your "winning" child - whether they "need" it or not, love and attention too and may start trying to get negative attention otherwise.

I certainly hope your spouse can help bring you around to the special qualities both your kids have - otherwise just stay clear.
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Old 01-25-2018, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Tennesee
7,918 posts, read 1,927,247 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crone View Post
Wonder if that old myth about people feeling about their child the same way that felt about their partner when the child was conceived is really true?

Both those kids will be ruined if the op attitude continues.
I can only imagine what this kind of thing is doing to the children's relationship with each other. Seems like the seeds are being sown for resentments that could last a lifetime.
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Old 01-25-2018, 09:47 AM
 
8,534 posts, read 7,030,904 times
Reputation: 5134
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catgirl64 View Post
I can only imagine what this kind of thing is doing to the children's relationship with each other. Seems like the seeds are being sown for resentments that could last a lifetime.
Perhaps those parents need to watch 'Dallas' reruns to see how Bobby and J R turned out
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