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Old 01-25-2018, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Round Rock, Texas
9,799 posts, read 9,015,692 times
Reputation: 12593

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You should send them both to boarding school so they have limited contact with your destructive attitude.

And I am dead serious.
I feel the same way about this. OP, let me warn you, don't go down that path. My mother's parents had the same attitude with their four girls ("smartest one" "prettiest one", yada yada) and caused long term resentment and competitiveness. My mother (the socalled "prettiest one") had a falling out with her sisters that lasted for over a decade. they're all in their sixties now and still hardly talk to each other. You don't realize the harm that you can cause.

Superiority should never exist when it comes to your children. Each kid is unique in their own way and you should celebrate the uniqueness. Maybe one kid is more book smart, but the other excels at sports? each child has their own special quality. Praise equally. NEVER remark about physical appearance, especially when it comes to girls. (I understand that you are talking about boys here but it still applies). In my case, I have one kid who is exceptional at math while the other is struggling and needs tutoring. In no way do I make one feel smarter than the other.

I repeat - DON'T GO THERE. I'm actually disappointed that you think one is more superior than the other. You probably already show this distinction in your body language and dealings,and if so, I really feel bad for both of them.
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Old 01-25-2018, 10:06 AM
 
5,559 posts, read 4,042,627 times
Reputation: 12157
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catgirl64 View Post
I can only imagine what this kind of thing is doing to the children's relationship with each other. Seems like the seeds are being sown for resentments that could last a lifetime.
Yep. When you have a parent who makes one kid the "golden child" and one the "other", it ruins the siblings relationship as well as the parent-child one. If it's obvious enough, the golden child will learn to manipulate the parent for favors and learn to target the other for punishment just like the parent. This I know from personal experience.

Best revenge? Decades later the golden child has amounted to nothing and the other has thrived. And wants nothing to do with the parent or the golden child who are now in a sinking ship of their co-making. Once it got to the point where they needed something from me (money), then they bothered to try and cozy up and make nice. When I refused, they moved on to harassment and attempted to guilt me into compliance. I refuse to feel guilty for refusing people who made my life hell and would continue to do so no matter how much money I gave them. Ties cut and hands washed of those two.

The OP better watch out, I've seen many a golden child turn out to be a bum and many an other turn their unfair start into a impetus to succeed.
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Old 01-25-2018, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Houston, Texas
1,668 posts, read 3,909,610 times
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Old 01-25-2018, 12:03 PM
 
371 posts, read 435,753 times
Reputation: 390
If they are both adults, who the heck cares? Let them live their lives.
If they are not yet adults, get into counseling so you can stop judging your kids and start enjoying them. Unless of course you are a narcissist, enjoy triangulating them and causing drama IRL and on the interwebs.
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Old 01-25-2018, 12:04 PM
 
371 posts, read 435,753 times
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I had not even read the full thread until I posted my own response about them possibly being a narc.
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Old 01-25-2018, 12:57 PM
 
1,332 posts, read 1,113,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AndCatsForAll View Post
Give up trying to motivate the "loser" you don't have control over other people. .
You should never "give up" on a child
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Old 01-25-2018, 01:43 PM
 
4,484 posts, read 2,644,974 times
Reputation: 6527
Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
If one finds themselves in such a scenario, what strategies would apply?
let me guess, you're the one that is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality.
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Old 01-25-2018, 01:53 PM
 
2,002 posts, read 1,359,410 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by viridianforest View Post
Each person has their gifts, and it's important to remember not all will be the best at the same thing.
Exactly. For example, John Lennon's brother might have been the better student with better grades when they were kids, and it might have been easy for their parents to say they same thing about them that you are saying about your two kids; that the one who seems "smarter" and more motivated in certain things will "do better." But look at what a genius John Lennon turned out to be when it came to music and the arts, and how much of an impact he went on to have on the world as a musician and an artist. Just because one is better at different things doesn't mean that you should give up on the other, nor does it mean that you have a crystal ball to tell you what their trajectory will be like at age 35 as opposed to age 5.
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Old 01-25-2018, 02:14 PM
 
Location: Mt. Lebanon
1,766 posts, read 1,784,533 times
Reputation: 1670
Well, the kid who doesn't seem to amount to much now might have hidden talents and might grow up to develop in some unexpected ways. Labeling him a loser is very, very bizarre... to me. Motivate? First find out what his/her interests are and take it from there. it also depends what age they are.
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Old 01-25-2018, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Texas
5,344 posts, read 1,916,949 times
Reputation: 11359
Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?
Are you a parent? I don't respond to non-parents on the parenting board, that's why I'm asking. If you actually do have children we can talk about this. But otherwise...I'd rather do other things with my time.
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