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Old 01-25-2018, 03:10 PM
 
1,841 posts, read 962,796 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?
This has got to be a troll post. No parent would set their kid up to "mediocrity at best".
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Old 01-25-2018, 03:11 PM
 
1,841 posts, read 962,796 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You should send them both to boarding school so they have limited contact with your destructive attitude.

And I am dead serious.
YES! Every child excels at something unless they have a parent who tells them they never will.
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Old 01-25-2018, 03:15 PM
 
1,841 posts, read 962,796 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABQConvict View Post
Since the parent has already defined one of their children as a loser, the parent has doomed that child to mediocrity. Poor kid.

Chances are, the parent has a predefined criteria of what constitutes talent, and the "loser" child simply doesn't fit.

Hopefully the "loser" child has the will and fortitude to acheive what constitutes success by their own definition without any support form their loser parent.
Children take very much to heart what their loser parents tell them. If a parent thinks one child is a loser, he will be because it has been ingrained in him his whole life.

Do these boys have a father who might help the child the mother hates?
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Old 01-25-2018, 03:17 PM
 
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I have a friend who is a psychiatrist. He does IQ tests on kids every day. He said kids from the same parents nearly always have IQ's within 10 points of each other and often within 5 points. So 'loser' son is as smart and capable as his brother and would succeed if only he had parents who believed in him.
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Old 01-25-2018, 04:42 PM
 
Location: on the wind
4,008 posts, read 1,502,265 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by riaelise View Post
I feel the same way about this. OP, let me warn you, don't go down that path. My mother's parents had the same attitude with their four girls ("smartest one" "prettiest one", yada yada) and caused long term resentment and competitiveness. My mother (the socalled "prettiest one") had a falling out with her sisters that lasted for over a decade. they're all in their sixties now and still hardly talk to each other. You don't realize the harm that you can cause.

Superiority should never exist when it comes to your children. Each kid is unique in their own way and you should celebrate the uniqueness. Maybe one kid is more book smart, but the other excels at sports? each child has their own special quality. Praise equally. NEVER remark about physical appearance, especially when it comes to girls. (I understand that you are talking about boys here but it still applies). In my case, I have one kid who is exceptional at math while the other is struggling and needs tutoring. In no way do I make one feel smarter than the other.

I repeat - DON'T GO THERE. I'm actually disappointed that you think one is more superior than the other. You probably already show this distinction in your body language and dealings,and if so, I really feel bad for both of them.
A relative of mine also had this attitude about their three kids. The older two were golden, high school standouts, popular, charismatic, blah blah blah. The youngest was different. AFAIK he didn't do stuff wrong, he just wasn't the star his siblings were. As I grew up I remember hearing them badmouth, criticize, and browbeat this kid when they spent time with us. He couldn't do anything right in their eyes.

Forward 30 years. The older golden children are gone, as is their dad. The remaining child of these parents is stable, employed, married, basically a decent adult. However, the mother has never changed her view of this son though he's never done anything "bad" or irresponsible. Now she's lonely, disconnected, tells me she wishes she had more of a relationship with him and can't understand why he chooses not to participate much in her life. I really have to bite my tongue when she complains. Be careful....you reap what you sow.
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:39 PM
 
Location: Clarence, NY
355 posts, read 121,208 times
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Talking about a negative outlook on your childs life, dang! Treat them both equally and love them both equally, as every child has their purpose...
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:52 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,522 posts, read 21,701,503 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by War Beagle View Post
Definitely. But harsh language and seemingly bad parenting aside, the overall question is a valid one. Our society tends to think everyone is equal, just in different ways. The thing is we are all a genetic crap shoot and there is nothing in biology that says we are all equal. Some people are born with brains and athleticism and some are born with neither. It stands to reason some are born losers in terms of genetics.

The environment of the home can help overcome the genetics. I think parents should be realistic about their kids and then parent to the individual kid's abilities. And every kid can be taught a strong work ethic, regardless of genetics. But to tell a kid he/she is a loser is to probably guarantee it.
I agree. Sometimes attributes are not evenly distributed among siblings. It's really up to the parents to bring out the best in each child. It can be problematic when one child is much better looking, athletic, or intellectually gifted than another.

But, with all due respect, War Beagle, I've really never seen such an extreme situation as the one the OP describes.

My hunch is, that this is more about how the OP sees their children, than the actual fact.

Few people can look at one of their own kids and cooly brand them a "loser" on an internet forum.

That's why I find this post so disturbing.

I have two nephews. One was taller, very conventionally good looking, did well academically, was a Varsity wrestler, and had a scholarship to a well regarded college. The younger brother didn't have much use for high school, also wrestled but wasn't as good at it. Was slightly more average looking.

He dropped out of community college but he took the ASVAP (sp) and received a superior score.He is flourishing in the military, and intends to make a career out of it.

He's no "loser" and the thought of calling him that, never occured to anyone in our fmily.
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Old 01-25-2018, 07:43 PM
 
1,841 posts, read 962,796 times
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Have you considered placing 'the loser' for adoption? There are thousands of couples all over this country who would to have him to love, nurture, and accept. They could give him everything you cannot give him. Please consider it. Do what is best for your son and place him with a loving couple. He deserves a mother who think the sun rises and sets on him. You are not that mother.
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Old 01-25-2018, 07:43 PM
 
12,990 posts, read 12,402,614 times
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I think the loser left the thread...
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Old 01-25-2018, 08:18 PM
 
426 posts, read 139,645 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by markjames68 View Post
I think about the tortoise and the hare. I was deemed more intelligent, a better student, yada yada yada, yet my brother graduated with a higher GPA in high school than I did. He worked harder and his study skills translated better to college.

Also, unless the siblings are 25, it's a long race. And I can't believe that a parent would even deem one as "the loser". Every kid is special in his/her own way.

Did he take the same difficulty of classes that you did?

I know people in college with a 4.0 GPA that have no idea how to address an envelope or do multiplication without a calculator.

My GPA was way lower, but I did work that most people did not get to until graduate school.

Those 4.0 GPA kids are not smarter than me. I looked at their coursework. I think a 2nd grader could probably pass their classes.
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