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Old Yesterday, 04:23 PM
 
245 posts, read 118,323 times
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2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?
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Old Yesterday, 04:27 PM
 
8,029 posts, read 4,621,366 times
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Are you the parent of these two?
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Old Yesterday, 04:28 PM
 
168 posts, read 57,992 times
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Lol you really canít tell that - people have a way of surprising/disappointing you.
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Old Yesterday, 04:29 PM
 
245 posts, read 118,323 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri View Post
Are you the parent of these two?
If one finds themselves in such a scenario, what strategies would apply?
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Old Yesterday, 04:30 PM
 
3,309 posts, read 1,805,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
Lol you really can’t tell that - people have a way of surprising/disappointing you.
I think about the tortoise and the hare. I was deemed more intelligent, a better student, yada yada yada, yet my brother graduated with a higher GPA in high school than I did. He worked harder and his study skills translated better to college.

Also, unless the siblings are 25, it's a long race. And I can't believe that a parent would even deem one as "the loser". Every kid is special in his/her own way.
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Old Yesterday, 04:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
Is that a yes?

If so I'd start by not calling one of them a loser and I'd also try to not compare them. Figure out what both of their strengths are and focus on that. Do you think your "loser" child can sense that you dislike them? If so, that's pretty awful for them and is probably not helping the situation overall.
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Old Yesterday, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
34,174 posts, read 32,747,581 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
2 siblings, similar age but one is clearly smarter, more diligent, more blessed as far as appearance goes and has a winning personality. A clear case of a long term winner vs someone who unless he is proverbially kicked in the butt regularly will amount to mediocrity at best.

How can anyone even give the impression of liking both equally?

How to motivate the loser?
I really really hope you are not actually a parent.

But in any case ...

Your best bet (and the best hope for them) is to understand that you can't and won't love them equally. You have to learn how to love them equitably. There's a difference. You can google it if you need to.

If you are their parent, then you should pretend that one of your children posted this question about you and your spouse, and if you were thought to be the "loser" parent, then ask yourself what you would want them to be told.
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Old Yesterday, 04:40 PM
 
245 posts, read 118,323 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I really really hope you are not actually a parent.

But in any case ...

Your best bet (and the best hope for them) is to understand that you can't and won't love them equally. You have to learn how to love them equitably. There's a difference. You can google it if you need to.

If you are their parent, then you should pretend that one of your children posted this question about you and your spouse, and if you were thought to be the "loser" parent, then ask yourself what you would want them to be told.
Moral positioning is fine but this is a real life situation. I made reference to this before in a much older thread. Back in my day the army was the option to whip layabouts into shape (if you stay you pay rent, next day they'd join the army. It happened to my cousin) but that's a non starter.

Serious insights?

Equality is how I approach everything but capacities differ and that matters.
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Old Yesterday, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
34,174 posts, read 32,747,581 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waffleiron1968 View Post
Moral positioning is fine but this is a real life situation. I made reference to this before in a much older thread. Back in my day the army was the option to whip layabouts into shape (if you stay you pay rent, next day they'd join the army. It happened to my cousin) but that's a non starter.

Serious insights?

Equality is how I approach everything but capacities differ and that matters.
You should send them both to boarding school so they have limited contact with your destructive attitude.

And I am dead serious.
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Old Yesterday, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
14,349 posts, read 13,617,298 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I really really hope you are not actually a parent.

But in any case ...

Your best bet (and the best hope for them) is to understand that you can't and won't love them equally. You have to learn how to love them equitably. There's a difference. You can google it if you need to.

If you are their parent, then you should pretend that one of your children posted this question about you and your spouse, and if you were thought to be the "loser" parent, then ask yourself what you would want them to be told.
I am retired teacher. I once had a student whose parents treated him significantly different than his nine month older brother. As far as I could tell the brothers were almost identical in every single way, same intelligence, same behaviors, same levels of social and academic skills. It was heart breaking to see "John" being yelled at or punished by his mother for the same behavior that I had just observed "Jerry" do without a comment from Mom. I had over 30 years of teaching experience and yet there was no way that I could help Mom "see" the damage that she was doing to her older son.

Since they were the same age (per the school calendar) one sibling was in my class and the other was in another class of the same grade (Junior Kindergarten), but we often did things together as a group or switched small groups between classrooms so I knew both children quite well. One time, Jerry's teacher and I (John's teacher) videotaped the brothers playing together in a group to show Mom & Dad how similar their behavior was. It would have been obvious to anyone but not to Mom. She kept saying "See John doing (this bad thing or that bad thing). He is a 'bad seed'. He is like the devil." when Jerry was doing the very same behavior. And, Mom kept saying "Jerry is a perfect angel!" Other staff, such as the guidance counselor got involved, but to Mom one son was perfect and the other was a damaged loser (at age four!).

This happened the last year before I retired from teaching. I heard that the next year was much, much worse. John was starting to act out and Mom was even looking into trying to give up John to an adoption agency or get him institutionalized (a very, very normal five year old). The family moved out of town so I never knew what happened to the brothers, but I doubt if it was pretty.
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