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Old 01-26-2018, 09:30 AM
 
10,011 posts, read 12,211,664 times
Reputation: 15809

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Who knows. What happened BEFORE this girl? Was he normal then?

Maybe he feels heroic.

Maybe she gets Social Security disability or something that provides some throwaway money or she's trying to get unemployment.

She probably knows she can get assistance with a kid.

Regardless, don't let them move back IN!
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Old 01-26-2018, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Arkansas
2,614 posts, read 827,483 times
Reputation: 5703
It's strange he is putting her name on titles of things he has bought. Has she helped him with the money for those things?
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Old 01-26-2018, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Northern CA
112 posts, read 56,610 times
Reputation: 162
It sounds like you're in a tough situation for a parent. From your OP post, it sounds like your son's GF likely does suffer from some depression. Has she tried to get mental health help? She may be a lazy person to begin with but if she's depressed, that will make it even worse. Do you know anything about her family? Does depression or other mental health issues run in her family? If she's currently lazy, getting pregnant isn't likely to change that. Children take a lot of effort and that would likely overwhelm her.

Your son is the one who gets to make the final decisions on all of this. Hopefully he's asked you for advice. If not, he probably doesn't want to hear about the red flags in his relationship with this girl. Your son will "hear" what advice you give him but he may not want to think about it or talk about it. Good luck.
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Old 01-26-2018, 10:03 AM
 
140 posts, read 41,344 times
Reputation: 288
I think the question is what does your son bring to the table? Is he highly successful, or merely a half step above what she is offering. Perhaps you should have a conversation about what he loves about her? Is it possible he could be doing better, or has he reached his peak? Sometimes it is difficult to be objective about our own children.
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Old 01-26-2018, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Georgia
3,280 posts, read 965,389 times
Reputation: 2422
Let him make mistakes- he's going to do what he wants to do anyway. We are powerless over our adult children and the decisions that make.
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Old 01-26-2018, 11:45 AM
 
9,381 posts, read 5,465,402 times
Reputation: 21095
I don't think you can count how many long term, happy marriages that are initially disapproved on by the parent(s). Hope for the best. Be kind.

Maybe she didn't come out of her room much because she felt uncomfortable in someone else's home. I would.
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Old 01-26-2018, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Kirkland, Washington
2,932 posts, read 2,355,475 times
Reputation: 4827
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
It's strange he is putting her name on titles of things he has bought. Has she helped him with the money for those things?
Men talk themselves into all sort of Pollyanna, dumb things. I know a little about it, I've been lovestruck. As have many men. That's the euphemism I'll use as opposed to what I (suspect is) really occurring.

Of course, some women are coerced into same by controlling boyfriends. Friend of mine got caught up in that not once but twice, she's predisposed to it for some reason. They clean out the woman and move on.

I'd bet $20 this woman is no heiress, just some hillbilly with narrow goals but shrewd as a weasel when it comes to sniffing out money and those with assets. That's a "sharpie" skill a lot of otherwise-dumb people have, believe it.

OP hasn't come back, one post wonder perhaps, not sure what (s)he is expecting. The behaviors people exhibit that keep them poor are a wonder to behold, chief among them having a litter of brats, taking on boat anchors spouses, and not being willing to leave for where the well paying work is. Once those bridges are crossed, welcome to lifelong poverty and continuance of a vicious cycle.

No wonder half of Americans are pretty much broke, seems like.
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Old 01-26-2018, 12:36 PM
 
1,580 posts, read 834,602 times
Reputation: 1458
I know a couple.
He is ugly, but smart and hardworking.
She is very hot, model looking girl, way out of his league. From the beginning she told him that there are girls that work and girls that men work for them, so she wants to stay at home and raise the kids.
He accepted the deal. and as far as I see, he is quite happy.
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Old 01-26-2018, 12:58 PM
 
3,772 posts, read 1,657,969 times
Reputation: 3225
If I were in your situation, I would invite him to dinner at a reasonably nice restaurant and have a calm discussion about "enabling". If you can find pamphlets at a mental health agency about this problem, this will help validate what you are going to tell him.

I would start by validating his feelings for this woman - that he feels the need to care for her, protect her and nurture her as he would a puppy or child (don't say puppy). When this relationship is healthy, the nurtured person thrives and succeeds. When this relationship is unhealthy, the nurtured person fails. That's what has happened with your son. His nurturing is enabling her to fail over and over again. As long as he provides a safety net, she will never take any initiative to do anything with her life.

He needs to encourage her to get therapy rather than a job. There's a reason why she thinks she should be waited on hand and foot, and until she respects your son as an equal, he will be her servant. Give him a scenario where this will be a problem. For example, what if he has a health issue where he needs to be looked after, even short term. Can he rely on her to provide for him? Most likely not, so what is his plan when he and this girlfriend are unable to provide? Make it clear that you are not their safety net. He needs to seriously think about that before he goes deeper into the mess he's made for himself.

I wonder if she is simply biding her time while more of his assets are put in her name until the day she decides to cash in.
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Old 01-26-2018, 01:08 PM
 
9,381 posts, read 5,465,402 times
Reputation: 21095
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lieneke View Post
If I were in your situation, I would invite him to dinner at a reasonably nice restaurant and have a calm discussion about "enabling". If you can find pamphlets at a mental health agency about this problem, this will help validate what you are going to tell him. .
And your kid wouldn't talk to you for a really long time...it ever.
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