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Old 01-27-2018, 12:05 AM
 
Location: Buckeye, AZ
24,747 posts, read 14,066,387 times
Reputation: 8991

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I have been your son. My mother and sil got bad vibes towards the end but never told me until after I broke it off with my ex. It's best you do, unless this gets to a point where you HAVE to intervene. Good luck.
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Old 01-27-2018, 07:38 AM
 
Location: here
24,290 posts, read 28,244,986 times
Reputation: 30389
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Where is the boy's father?
The "boy" is 27. Does it matter?
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Old 01-27-2018, 07:49 AM
 
4,722 posts, read 2,081,602 times
Reputation: 4288
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Have you ever sat your son down with pamphlets to tell your son he is dating (and likely in love with) someone *you* think is lazy and ruining his life?

Guessing no. 99.9% of people wouldn't be cool with that coming from mom or dad and are not immature brats. He is 27...he has the right and responsibility to choose his own partner. Parents interfering is really asking for major family drama.

If he goes back to his partner and tells them what you said and DID (getting stuff to back up your "diagnosis"), the partner will never feel accepted and maybe even hate you. And if your son loves them, they will support their partner, not their parent.

Draw it out a little further, what if they get married and have a happy life. Its likely that at least for a time, you wont be invited as part of it, as you attempted to break them up.
It seems we've had a misunderstanding. In my comment, my point specifically relates to the issue of "enabling" and educating the son on his role as an enabler.

My use of the term "immature brat" refers specifically to those who, when presented with a different opinion, shut the opinion holder out of his or her life.

I don't see a "happy life" in the future for a couple where one enables the other to fail. I suspect that when the enabling stops, the failure will grab half the assets and skip town.
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Old 01-27-2018, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,028 posts, read 15,337,582 times
Reputation: 37414
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lieneke View Post
It seems we've had a misunderstanding. In my comment, my point specifically relates to the issue of "enabling" and educating the son on his role as an enabler.

My use of the term "immature brat" refers specifically to those who, when presented with a different opinion, shut the opinion holder out of his or her life.

I don't see a "happy life" in the future for a couple where one enables the other to fail. I suspect that when the enabling stops, the failure will grab half the assets and skip town.
Half the assets? Heck, I'm picturing her completely emptying all the joint accounts and driving out of town in the car that is titled in her name.
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Old 01-27-2018, 08:31 AM
 
4,722 posts, read 2,081,602 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Half the assets? Heck, I'm picturing her completely emptying all the joint accounts and driving out of town in the car that is titled in her name.
I think so too. She has no respect for him and when he pulls the plug on money tree, she will pull the rug out from under his feet.
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Old 01-27-2018, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,597,735 times
Reputation: 4531
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Half the assets? Heck, I'm picturing her completely emptying all the joint accounts and driving out of town in the car that is titled in her name.
Yes. I think any reasonable mother in OP’s position would want to point this out to her child, yes, even her 27-year-old child or even her 47-year-old child. I think anyone who cared about someone being used this way, be it a parent, sibling, adult child, or friend, would want to point this out. OP’s son is infatuated and just not thinking straight and someone needs to show him a more rational point of view.

Still, OP, you need to be very careful because he will not want to hear it and will likely just tune it out. But that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t gently be mentioned to him. Hopefully his friends and others in his life are too. What sometimes makes someone in a situation like this wake up is when a number of people point out to the person that he or she is being used.

If he comes to you asking for money, do not give it to him. It will only go to enable this girl. Or it will enable him to enable her. If he asks to move back home again, you can decide whether to not allow him to move back, or whether to only allow him and not the girlfriend to. Whatever you do, don’t allow her to live in your home again and don’t give him money.
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Old 01-27-2018, 09:29 AM
 
114 posts, read 51,723 times
Reputation: 133
Maybe she's fooling him with the sex.
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Old 01-27-2018, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,597,735 times
Reputation: 4531
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Maybe she didn't come out of her room much because she felt uncomfortable in someone else's home. I would.
If she felt so uncomfortable there, then why didn’t she spend her days at a job? Or out applying for jobs? Or set up in a coffee shop or at the public library applying for jobs from there?

Those would have been perfect solutions to that problem.
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Old 01-27-2018, 10:15 AM
 
381 posts, read 154,402 times
Reputation: 1551
I haven't read the whole thread, but would hate the OP to be stuck raising the grandchildren down the road.

The GF sounds totally irresponsible and may have some mental health issues as well.
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Old 01-27-2018, 04:15 PM
 
3,940 posts, read 3,280,249 times
Reputation: 7750
Sometimes life has hard lessons.
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