Son is dating very lazy woman and is ruining his life. (get married, girlfriend)
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I don't think so. My son and I have an open honest relationship. If he didn't like what I was saying, he would say so, but he would not shut me out of his life because I voice an opinion. Shutting someone out because of an opinion is an immature brat response.
Have you ever sat your son down with pamphlets to tell your son he is dating (and likely in love with) someone *you* think is lazy and ruining his life?
Guessing no. 99.9% of people wouldn't be cool with that coming from mom or dad and are not immature brats. He is 27...he has the right and responsibility to choose his own partner. Parents interfering is really asking for major family drama.
If he goes back to his partner and tells them what you said and DID (getting stuff to back up your "diagnosis"), the partner will never feel accepted and maybe even hate you. And if your son loves them, they will support their partner, not their parent.
Draw it out a little further, what if they get married and have a happy life. Its likely that at least for a time, you wont be invited as part of it, as you attempted to break them up.
Allow your son to live the life he chooses with whomever he chooses to make it with. However, do not under any circumstances financially support his poor life decisions or permit him to move into your home again with this woman. Love him, support him emotionally, though as he is your child even at the age of twenty-seven. Women like your son's girlfriend tend to use their children (your grandchildren) as a tool to get the grandparents and their partner to do whatever they need/want them to do. Best to hope and pray that she doesn't get pregnant. As for her emotionally being unable to work: that's utter bull**** as unless she was with another chump who supported her financially or was still living at home, she must have been earning some sort of living to provide for her own needs.
He needs to encourage her to get therapy rather than a job. There's a reason why she thinks she should be waited on hand and foot, and until she respects your son as an equal, he will be her servant. Give him a scenario where this will be a problem. For example, what if he has a health issue where he needs to be looked after, even short term. Can he rely on her to provide for him? Most likely not, so what is his plan when he and this girlfriend are unable to provide? Make it clear that you are not their safety net. He needs to seriously think about that before he goes deeper into the mess he's made for himself.
I wonder if she is simply biding her time while more of his assets are put in her name until the day she decides to cash in.
Uhm, no: were that the case, some non-trivial percentage of women world-over would need to go into therapy reminding them this is 2018, not 1885.
I encounter this sort of ghoulish, body-consuming behavior far too often in the dating pool. They see a wealthy (somewhat) nerd and incorrectly assume I'm a mark, because I'm alone. When that is disproved, they leave usually in a massive huff, but that's axiomatic.
Women half my age who are gold diggers, those I can see through quickly. It's on the ones closer to my age who latch on, profess love, and sure as God made little apples pipe up at some point about "getting married" and "having a nice home". Which means *I* pay for everything.
That's the point, throughout time: there are those, male and (mostly) female, in a tradition male-breadwinner sense, who latch on and consume others for their needs, doling out favors as they see fit. If they find the right mark, this can be milked for years or decades. When they've consumed all he has, they split and get a nice fat check from the judge. And the spouse is a broken husk.
These people cruise, pal. Ghouls, sharks, remora fish, call it what you will in terms of analogies. Last one I heard from point-blank said to me, "You make 4x what I do, I'm just a poor mother (edit: by choice, who chose to leave the last husband). You must pay for everything! (edit: the hell I do or will)."
Just saying, it's literally the oldest con in the book. Most learn the hard way. A few wise up or have sufficient self control, sense of self-identity, etc. to not get into those situations.
Uhm, no: were that the case, some non-trivial percentage of women world-over would need to go into therapy reminding them this is 2018, not 1885.
I encounter this sort of ghoulish, body-consuming behavior far too often in the dating pool. They see a wealthy (somewhat) nerd and incorrectly assume I'm a mark, because I'm alone. When that is disproved, they leave usually in a massive huff, but that's axiomatic.
Women half my age who are gold diggers, those I can see through quickly. It's on the ones closer to my age who latch on, profess love, and sure as God made little apples pipe up at some point about "getting married" and "having a nice home". Which means *I* pay for everything.
That's the point, throughout time: there are those, male and (mostly) female, in a tradition male-breadwinner sense, who latch on and consume others for their needs, doling out favors as they see fit. If they find the right mark, this can be milked for years or decades. When they've consumed all he has, they split and get a nice fat check from the judge. And the spouse is a broken husk.
These people cruise, pal. Ghouls, sharks, remora fish, call it what you will in terms of analogies. Last one I heard from point-blank said to me, "You make 4x what I do, I'm just a poor mother (edit: by choice, who chose to leave the last husband). You must pay for everything! (edit: the hell I do or will)."
Just saying, it's literally the oldest con in the book. Most learn the hard way. A few wise up or have sufficient self control, sense of self-identity, etc. to not get into those situations.
My son is 27 and has a girlfriend he has been dating for 2 years. She is easily the laziest woman I have ever met. Granted, my son is making stupid decisions about the relationship as well. He met her online and she moved into his apartment after just two months. He got her a job at the local Wal-Mart and though she didn't drive it was just about a ten minute walk. She quit that job after just three weeks saying it was too hard (she was working in dairy).
She then got another job as a hostess at red robins but quit that due to not liking her coworkers, she then got a job at a subway but quit that after a month. My son lost his job and he and his girlfriend moved in with me. He finally managed to get a job and got her another job at Macy's but shortly quit that one as well. So while my son was at work she would just stay in his room on her phone, computer etc not doing anything. When I would try to talk to her she would brush me aside, keep saying she was depressed and never felt well. Eventually his car broke down and when he got another one, come to find out he put her name on the title as well
She got ANOTHER job at a mazzios at which point my son managed to get a trailer about 20 minutes away. Well, he put her name on it too
It doesn't have any real furnishings aside from a bed, no washer/dryer etc. And, surprise surprise, after they moved she quit that job saying she didn't want to drive that far.
And now my son is telling me she has been talking about marriage and kids and he is considering it.
As you can see, this whole thing is a huge train wreck and this woman is all kinds of lazy, doesn't want to work and is taking my son for a ride. A ride he is always willing to keep getting on I might add. I just don't get why my son is being so stupid about all of this!
I’d agree with you, but “everybody knows” from one of the other currently running threads that men operate from logic and not emotion. I’m sure the son has a very logical reason for dating the woman.
Yeah, because everybody knows that love and sex are the bastions of logic.
So there is this thing called taking a plane ticket to Dominican Republic making a local friend who you can trust and getting set up with a young girl who needs money for schooling. $1000 can make a big difference in her life and set her up for success, all in exchange for a wonderful time with a caring Man who just needs some excitement in in his life. No harm no foul.
I never understood why American Men after the 90's risk life limb and reputation for local hoes that only come with drama when you can go abroad, wrap it up (I personally like crown brand condoms) and as long as you do your research and network ahead of time have stress free fun with virtually no repercussions.
Because some of us want an actual relationship, even if imperfect, and have this ego thing about professionals.
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