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Old 02-02-2018, 08:52 PM
Location: Minnesota
1,651 posts, read 596,704 times
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After rereading your comments and others I had a thought. Though reluctant to give a "diagnosis" over the internet you may want to really need to get your daughter in for a full evaluation with some doctors and psychologists, get a referral from your pediatrician. Also, the school can do some screening but they will not give a diagnosis, for that you will need doctors.

My son was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, now called autism spectrum disorder. The school did a evaluation and said no apparent learning disabilities but the school psychologist suggested we get him evaluated for autism. It didn't really come up until he was in third grade. But we, me, his dad, and teachers knew he was different. Clumsy, socially awkward, trouble fitting in with kids his age/most kids. Obsessed with a few things (Pokémon) but not overly, strict rule follower, ie: always telling other kids what the rules were, upset when they don't follow them (bossy). It is not so common in girls and maybe presents differently in them.

Anyway go check out a book at a library or do some research online it may or may not hit a chord. In the mean time, make some appointments and ask schools to do a evaluation. Of course I am not qualified nor are most people online. She covers have some anxiety or any number of issues. It is not for us to say.
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Old 02-02-2018, 09:11 PM
Location: Eugene, Oregon
7,086 posts, read 2,207,882 times
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When I was in school, we never had any homework or assigned reading at all, until math homework in the 7th grade. But I read and studied many things on my own. Because these were things I wanted to do, they were easy and not unpleasant. I always detested assigned reading later in school, as I didn't need it. I covered all the issues on my own initiative. The OP's daughter may just be rebelling against forced homework, that is not something students should have piled on them, at that age. Maybe she's reading and studying things independently, as I did.

One important thing that should be examined, is how she does on comprehensive achievement tests, that are given by agencies outside the schools? That could tell a lot about how much she is learning, regardless of whether or not she does her homework assignments. Take-home work may be needed to prod some students into learning, but for those who do things on their own, they may be just useless annoyances.

Last edited by Steve McDonald; 02-02-2018 at 09:20 PM..
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Old 02-02-2018, 10:12 PM
Location: State of Transition
72,659 posts, read 64,111,757 times
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Originally Posted by MKB0925 View Post
I would look into a therapist for her, the school psychologist/social worker should be able to recommend someone local or even your pediatrician must have someone they would refer to.
This. OP, it sounds like she might be depressed. Overeating? Ignoring or throwing away homework assignments? Difficulty getting along with kids? Something's wrong. Was she happy in 1st and 2nd grades? Doing the work? Happy at home? Had a few friends? Have you asked her if she likes her school? Maybe someone started bullying her in 3rd grade. Or maybe the math got harder, and she fell behind, and was too ashamed to tell you, and developed low self-esteem as a result.

It could be anything, at the root of it. But it sounds like depression or feeling lost or overwhelmed.
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Old 02-02-2018, 11:33 PM
615 posts, read 406,032 times
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Originally Posted by MKB0925 View Post
I would look into a therapist for her, the school psychologist/social worker should be able to recommend someone local or even your pediatrician must have someone they would refer to.

As far as the missing assignments, my kids always had an "agenda" where they write all the assignments due the next day and the teacher would do a quick walk by and make sure all the kids wrote them down. I would see if you can set up this type of system with the teacher and then sit down with your daughter each night and make sure she is completing them.

Also, is the new behavior for her or has she had issues in previous school years?
Covered just about everything here.
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Old 02-03-2018, 03:36 AM
230 posts, read 107,048 times
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If you're looking into resources, try to search for behavioral services in your area on the web and learn more about them and if they work with children. I agree with others that someone has to know where to find a therapist like a school counselor, pediatrician, or something.

I would think the pediatrician would be concerned with her behavior as that is a big part of what could be going on with her health. Behavior is important in diagnosing many conditions. If you feel your pediatrician is not taking your daughter's health seriously, it may be best to move onto a new pediatrician. There could be a lot of things going wrong that she feels she can't exactly communicate because she doesn't understand what's going on. It sounds like you need a good doctor or pediatrician to check into any possible medical factors that could be greatly harming her ability to succeed in school. Sometimes doctors will send a survey for parents to fill out and for the teacher to fill out that involves social factors, medical factors, and checkmark a "yes" and a "no" by each statement to help them determine further.

I suppose some things that come to mind is possible molestation or being bullied that may have happened at some point perhaps on the way to school, or at school somewhere, or even an event you attended and because she is having a hard time dealing with this pain and doesn't feel she can adequately express it that it does make everything else difficult. A therapist may be able to look into more key behaviors to help your child open up about any emotional pain they have felt and bring it to light so then they can help aid with the healing process.

As a parent, I would be concerned about this type of thing, too. Sometimes, I also think kids get involved with the wrong crowds of other kids. When one of my siblings was in elementary and middle school, they got involved in wrong crowds and had other things on their mind than homework and teachers considered holding them back. They eventually did hold them back because they didn't take school seriously, goofed around, got involved with the wrong kids. At that point, my parents were like, "That's it!" They took them out of the public school they were in and put them in a good private school in the area. Boy, I'll tell you - this did wonders for my sibling. They were actually getting assignments done, there was a lot of good encouragement from teachers, class sizes were smaller, more homework help was available, and it seems that the key was getting them into the right learning environment and balancing it out with a good hobby. I'm not saying it's a "cure all" type of deal, but perhaps the school your daughter is in isn't the type of curriculum or learning style that is working out for them. It's worth taking into consideration.

I also agree with working as much as you can with this teacher to find a solution. If you're both working to tackle this problem, it will probably be of a bit of relief to you and the teacher at the same time that something is being done. Make sure you get a list of all of your daughter's assignments directly from her teacher, tell her to write down all her assignments at school in a notebook or daily planner (I remember in one class we used to have a planner, write our assignments, and the teacher would sign it at the end of every day so we knew what all the assignments were and parents could look at it, too). Make it so your daughter does not have any excuses to not do her work because you know what she's supposed to be working on it and if she doesn't do it then there will be consequences.

Make sure completed assignments get placed in one completed assignments folder and a separate folder for assignments that need to be done. Maybe this could help her organize a bit better. Look at her completed assignments the night before, make sure she did them all, and made an effort to finish them all. Perhaps tell her if she get's all A's on her report card that you'll do something fun (maybe take her to a place she has wanted to go, or buy her a milkshake or treat that she really likes). Maybe even start small by saying, "If you finish your assignments for one week, I will take you out for ice cream/dessert," and then, "If you finish your assignments for two weeks, I will take you to somewhere fun (Chuck E Cheese or whatever this may be)." and progress to three weeks and then to four weeks. Put a chart on the wall at home so she can see this progress. See if putting a goal in place somehow will give her some type of incentive to get the work done. Some children do well with some type of reward system, but make sure it's not a reward system that burdens you in any way, but is easily doable.

Also, consider if your child could have a higher than average IQ. Sometimes children that are extremely smart could simply be "bored" with school because they do not feel challenged enough. They may also cause trouble or issues with other children because of this as well. It may not be a common thing, but something worth considering at this point. Maybe a good balance between school work and a hobby that she enjoys could help.

I would not be sure why she overeats, but the question is the motivator. Does she overeat for comfort? Does she overeat because her blood sugar may plummet too low? Does she overeat for now because she is growing or is this something else? Does she overeat because her diet lacks fiber or nutrients (think of maybe doing a whole food multivitamin for her if this is suspected, but look into different food options as well)? While explaining future problems to overeating is a good, honest way to explain it - she may not be thinking much about the future as us adults would when it comes to our children. Ask her, "Why are you sneaking food? Do you feel hungry when you are sneaking food or do you feel bored? Does your vision get blurry or you feel tired when you get hungry?" Maybe see if there's some probing questions like that so you can maybe get a bit of insight. Although, let her know if she doesn't know why then that is okay, too. Maybe think about getting glucose levels checked at the pediatrician to be sure that blood sugar levels are not off. Of course once again this would involve a doctor that would be willing to consider such a possibility and look into it.

I can imagine that this would be frustrating, and I do like that you're able to pinpoint that something is not right and that something must be done. I do hope you find something that works right for your daughter and are able to get answers as soon as possible. Hang in there, OP! I hope you will start getting answers soon so you can help your daughter!
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Old 02-03-2018, 07:50 AM
245 posts, read 150,211 times
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Does your daughter have an electronic device? A lot of games and apps have chats and you wouldn't believe the drama going on... drama that leads to problems like you describe for MANY of them.

It IS the devices. Constant sharing and picking apart and starting alliances and fights and making plans for school. There's talk of suicide, how to cut, and there have been hospitalizations... a friend's daughter was sent up to the ped. psych ward a few days ago and the staff said that this anxiety and depression has exploded in the past few years in elementary-aged children. Four times more than a few years ago. They've doubled staff and it isn't nearly enough still. Almost entirely due to communication on devices... they're carrying around drama with them, everywhere they go, and they have no idea how to handle it or stop it.
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Old 02-03-2018, 09:16 AM
Location: Wisconsin
16,471 posts, read 15,905,878 times
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
In 4th grade, I would expect the teacher to still send home a daily or weekly checklist of homework so that you could supervise. This needs to be implemented immediately.


Originally Posted by Spazkat9696 View Post
At that age we expect them to write it in their planner.

Sounds like she needs to be evaluated.
Many schools start to put the responsibility of writing homework assignments in their own assignment notebook/daily planner on the student by 2nd grade or maybe 3rd grade. Of course, usually the teacher has a system to check that they have written the assignments down and/or the parents have checked off that they have seen the assignment notebook, but the responsibility (especially by 4th grade) is mostly on the child not the teacher.

And, as many posters have mentioned she does need to evaluated to see what is happening.
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Old 02-03-2018, 11:17 AM
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 10,044,600 times
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Originally Posted by KenBrookMom View Post
Looking for any advice. My 9 year old daughter has been struggling at school in 3rd and 4th grade. Its to the point that I think her teacher is hinting towards holding her back. She comes home every night and we ask what school work she has, she tells us she has nothing to do except read for 15 minutes. I get emails from her teacher almost weekly about her missing 5-10 assignments. We do what we can to make them up but I can't understand why it won't stop. When her teacher asks her why she didn't do the work, she tells him she didn't know about it or just doesn't respond. When we ask her why she didn't do it, she says she lost it. Sometimes I wonder if she isn't throwing it away.

Besides the school work issue, she also makes and loses friends daily. Always drama and always hurt feelings. Her teacher has mentioned that kids don't want to be around her because of how bossy and moody she can become. We have SO many talks to her about this. About kindness and sharing. Treating others how you want to be treated. She seems to be agreeable on what we say but doesn't give much for feedback.

She also overeats without our knowledge. Examples: sneaking food late at night, telling people she hasn't eaten when she just did, etc. Constantly saying she's hungry and asking for seconds. We have also had an unbelievable amount of discussions with her about this topic. We talk to her about future health issues, tummy aches, diabetes, heart problems. She seems agreeable here as well, but again, offers no feedback. Just shakes her head yes. I think it all falls on deaf ears and it out of her brain as soon as the discussion ends.

I have asked the school if they have any resources on any behavior classes or counseling for kids like her and I get nothing. They tell me to go to her doctor. Her doctor only seems to focus on her weight and doesn't seem to hear me when I mention the other issues. I truly don't think its an ADD related issue from the research I've done on the disorder. Any words of advice would be deeply appreciated.
It sounds like you need to find a new doctor! One who will test her for a variety things. She may need a therapist to diagnose her. The school probably can't diagnose her and it's on you to do that. Once you find out what if any any issues are going on, then you can address it with the school. She definitely has something going on. Don't assume that it's not ADD because of what you've read online. It's not all the same for everyone.
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:03 PM
Location: New Jersey
485 posts, read 319,162 times
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Around here, especially for 4th grade, the assignments are posted online where the student/parents can check agenda on whats due, that's one way of staying on top of your kids assignments. Don't just take your kid's word on it, ask to be shown their completed work. My son is in 1st grade and gets send home a daily homework agenda in his folder, and we go over it daily immediately then we talk it over together while he eats his snack and drink. That's when he's expected to do his work while I start dinner prep.

switch to different doctor for sure. Also reach out to your child's school counselor. Every elementary school has that or a social worker and ask about social groups and guidance on the friends front.

when you meet with new doctor; ask for complete lab workup, referral to appropriate dev pediatric doctor for a bigger assessment workup. That appointment can be months from now, so look now.
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:25 PM
Location: Saint John, IN
10,638 posts, read 3,311,331 times
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Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
You need a doctors appointment for an assessment. If your doctor is not responsive; you need a second opinion.

You also need to request from the school ... in writing ... for a 504 assessment. 504's are needed to access services for your daughter but they are not the equivalent of an IEP that is used for special needs. However, it is much easier to transition into an IEP if needed if there is already a 504.

Despite the fact that 504's provide already in place services that do not require additional funding, it can be very difficult to do so after the student has started 1st grade.

I had to do so for my now 23-year-old son after he was already in middle-school & it was quite the battle. Luckily; he was at a good school with good administrators & I was persistent.

You do not need the doctor's documentation to initiate the 504 & the school evaluation may provide some valuable insight, so get that started ASAP.
Agreed! She needs to be evaluated for learning disorders, ADHD, dyslexia, etc.

I would also like to add I have s 9 yr old daughter. She gets homework daily and the school puts online what homework is given and when their tests are. If your school does not offer this, ask the teacher if she could email once a week what the nightly homework will be and when tests will be taken.

Kids start forming groups of friends at this age. You need to make sure she’s picking the right group of friends. Maybe have a small party for her to socialize. A Valentines party, Birthday, something. Sign her up for an activity such as Girl Scouts, gymnastics, dance, etc. Get her involved with other kids.
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