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Old 02-08-2018, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
10,638 posts, read 3,290,719 times
Reputation: 12745

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It's something you and your DH need to discuss!


There are good and bad to both and you need to figure out what will work best. For me it was my mother. For one, she did it for free. We do pay her phone bill and my DH fixes a lot of things in her home, plus we paid for a bathroom remodel for her, but besides that it's free. Secondly, there are A LOT of germs at daycare and if my child gets sick then I have to stay home with them which means I'm missing work. And lastly, no one will care for your child like family. PERIOD!


With that said, I set rules and boundaries that I explained MUST be adhered to. Sometimes I need to remind her that we do things a certain way, but so far it's been fine. However, every family is different!
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Old 02-08-2018, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,291 posts, read 7,072,226 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
Why does your husband think these things WON'T happen? If he can't convince you that you are overreacting and help you see why these things aren't true, then it would be a complete disaster to have the grandparents watch the baby.
Probably because he really likes the "free" part! Though there is always SOME price to be paid, it likely won't be him...so he's getting a great deal out of it - a working wife and free daycare - what's not to like?
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Old 02-08-2018, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,432 posts, read 15,849,423 times
Reputation: 38606
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurdec View Post
Has anyone used grandparents as daycare? What was your experience?

DH doesn’t want to send LO to daycare when my leave is over but wants grandparents to watch the baby instead. I’m not a fan of this as I think it will lead to issues.

My MIL already thinks baby belongs to her. I feel like having her watch him a few times a week will further feed into her belief.

My main concern is she will think she can do whatever she wants because she’s a third parent. And it will cause me to resent her and always worry when I’m at work.

If you used grandparents, how did you set boundaries? Please reassure me it’s a positive thing!
If you allow your MIL to be the main babysitter I predict huge problems. How can she not understand that the baby does not belong to her? And she definitely is not the third parent.

For grandparents to be successful babysitters/child care providers they need to understand that they must follow the parents rules, even if they disagree with them. Frankly, I think that my son and DIL are too strict on limiting screen time (maximum 30 minutes per day on their tablets). They do not own a television (and probably will never own a television anytime in near future) and do not allow their children to even be in the same room if a television set is on. If they are visiting at my house I abide by their rules.

They are also raising their children to be vegetarians, so all the meals/foods that I prepare and serve to them must be vegetarian (preferably organic, and extremely "healthy" too). They also do not allow ice cream or cake or cookies or other treats. So, no treats like that from grandma. They are atheists, too, so no going with grandpa to the Christmas concert at church or listening to a CD of (religious) Christmas music.

But, they are the parents and they make the rules. For it to be successful with your MIL she must understand that she has to follow your rules. You have to help your husband understand that so he can stand up to his mother.
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Old 02-08-2018, 07:02 PM
 
Location: NY to NJ
644 posts, read 770,968 times
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If you really don't like your in-laws or don't trust them for whatever reason, please, don't use them for free babysitting. I would have never in a zillion years entrusted either of our sets to do full time child, which is why I stayed home with them. Nothing is ever free...
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Old 02-08-2018, 07:03 PM
 
Location: NY to NJ
644 posts, read 770,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Probably because he really likes the "free" part! Though there is always SOME price to be paid, it likely won't be him...so he's getting a great deal out of it - a working wife and free daycare - what's not to like?
lol
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Old 02-08-2018, 08:33 PM
 
4,080 posts, read 3,424,420 times
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I'd let grandmother be grandmother and have paid childcare.
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Old 02-08-2018, 08:38 PM
 
Location: planet earth
2,748 posts, read 979,450 times
Reputation: 6359
Oh God, get over yourself. You have a chip on your shoulder. The grandma is the grandma - you can pretend it has no meaning, but it actually does have a meaning. If you truly care about your kid (and are not just thinking of yourself and your need to be Numero Uno), then you would want your kid taken care of by someone who loves them whom you can trust.

If you truly would rather have a stranger watch your kid, you have issues.
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Old 02-08-2018, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,432 posts, read 15,849,423 times
Reputation: 38606
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Oh God, get over yourself. You have a chip on your shoulder. The grandma is the grandma - you can pretend it has no meaning, but it actually does have a meaning. If you truly care about your kid (and are not just thinking of yourself and your need to be Numero Uno), then you would want your kid taken care of by someone who loves them whom you can trust.

If you truly would rather have a stranger watch your kid, you have issues.
But, aren't you forgetting that Mom and Dad are supposed to be Numero Uno in their child's life?

It is not Grandma's job to be the "third parent".
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Old 02-08-2018, 08:47 PM
 
Location: planet earth
2,748 posts, read 979,450 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
But, aren't you forgetting that Mom and Dad are supposed to be Numero Uno in their child's life?

It is not Grandma's job to be the "third parent".
If the child's welfare is the main concern, grandma who loves the child, is the correct choice.

Strangers don't really care and you have no idea what can go on at daycares when parents are not looking.

If you don't care about your kid, then yeah, shove it in daycare and screw grandma!
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Old 02-08-2018, 09:56 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,973 posts, read 1,757,076 times
Reputation: 13702
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurdec View Post
Has anyone used grandparents as daycare? What was your experience?

My main concern is she will think she can do whatever she wants because shes a third parent. And it will cause me to resent her and always worry when Im at work.
Oh good Lord. You have two choices:

You can go to work & worry all day over the concerns & resentments because you dropped baby off somewhere where everybody loves him soooo much ... Or; you can go to work & worry all day because you dropped him off somewhere where nobody does.
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