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It took a village. My kids had every blessing of being in good hands with their grandparents. Both sides bonded. Memories galore.
Some grands really do know best in handling incidences or monitoring antics. My kids are adults now and sometimes tell some not so happy stories of the hired babysitters . They much preferred relatives.
Neither set of grands ever thought it a burden...guess they liked being appreciated and a positive influence.
I'm surprised at all of the general negative responses. In the OPs case, it sounds like there are major issues, and maybe it's not a good idea. In my case, it was awesome.
My mom offered to take a year off of work and she and my retired dad came over every morning to hang out with their granddaughter. This went from when my daughter was 6months-18months. It was a little easier in that I only worked 5 hours a day, but it was 5 days a week. Our condo was walking distance to lots of things so they got out and about when the weather was nice, and one of my mom's good friends lived next door so they'd have coffee sometimes.
My parents bonded with my daughter, my daughter got to stay in her own home with her own toys, it was all good. I learned loads about parenting from my parents, and our styles meshed, so there was no conflict there. My mom even had a thing about clean floors and would mop daily while my daughter napped. lol I was more of a once-a-week person. The only negative was that my inlaws were a bit jealous, I think. They spent lots of time with her and us on weekends, so it's not like they didn't know her, but obviously she became tighter with my parents.
I would never exploit a family member for free childcare. That's not fair at all. Unless you plan to financially compensate them in some way for their time.
Oh God, get over yourself. You have a chip on your shoulder. The grandma is the grandma - you can pretend it has no meaning, but it actually does have a meaning. If you truly care about your kid (and are not just thinking of yourself and your need to be Numero Uno), then you would want your kid taken care of by someone who loves them whom you can trust.
If you truly would rather have a stranger watch your kid, you have issues.
I also believe it is a good thing to have someone who loves your baby to take care of them if it can be worked out. With that said, there would have been NO WAY I would have ever let my MIL take care of my sons. NO WAY. I wouldn't even let my MIL watch my sons for five minutes. Not every "grandma" is trustworthy. Her "Old World Ways" were not in agreement with our ways of parenting.
Trust is a big word.
OP--follow your instincts, follow your heart. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
Has anyone used grandparents as daycare? What was your experience?
DH doesn’t want to send LO to daycare when my leave is over but wants grandparents to watch the baby instead. I’m not a fan of this as I think it will lead to issues. My MIL already thinks baby belongs to her. I feel like having her watch him a few times a week will further feed into her belief. My main concern is she will think she can do whatever she wants because she’s a third parent. And it will cause me to resent her and always worry when I’m at work.
If you used grandparents, how did you set boundaries? Please reassure me it’s a positive thing!
My grandmother took care of me because she wanted to. My parents lived with my grandparents for the first two or three years after their marriage. We didn't have daycare in those days. Good thing because I would have been stressed out by daycare, and it could not compare to the care and attention I got from grandma.
Grandma did have a hard time when my parents moved out. She told me it felt like her own baby was taken away. But it was still worth it. We were very close while I was growing up.
Studies show that babies in daycare have raised cortisol levels because it's a stressful environment for them. Babies at home with their mother or a caretaker don't have raised cortisol levels.
Has anyone used grandparents as daycare? What was your experience?
DH doesn’t want to send LO to daycare when my leave is over but wants grandparents to watch the baby instead. I’m not a fan of this as I think it will lead to issues. My MIL already thinks baby belongs to her. I feel like having her watch him a few times a week will further feed into her belief. My main concern is she will think she can do whatever she wants because she’s a third parent. And it will cause me to resent her and always worry when I’m at work.
If you used grandparents, how did you set boundaries? Please reassure me it’s a positive thing!
Do what's in the best interests of the child. If the Grandparents are willing, and would take good care of your childs safety and well being then yes, go for it.
Your issues with the MIL are really small time....it's YOUR baby and I'm sure she knows it.
She should be able to do whatever she wants (like a daycare would) when the childs in her care.
She should be able to do whatever she wants (like a daycare would) when the child is in her care.
I never used daycare, but I feel sure that daycares can't do "whatever they want." If I told my child's daycare not to give her cookies, darn straight I'm expecting that they will not give her a cookie.
My child's grandma, however, felt completely free to disregard everything I said and hand out the cookies. Which is why I, if it had become necessary to find daily care for my child, would have chosen the daycare and not Grandma.
Do what's in the best interests of the child. If the Grandparents are willing, and would take good care of your childs safety and well being then yes, go for it.
Your issues with the MIL are really small time....it's YOUR baby and I'm sure she knows it.
She should be able to do whatever she wants (like a daycare would) when the childs in her care.
Wow! A day care center certainly can not "do whatever they want to do". Sheesh! They need to follow state laws and very strict licensing regulations regarding safety, nap times, feeding, etc. They can't just park the kids in front of a TV all day and serve them cookies and Kool-aide for lunch.
And, this grandma does not seem to want to "take good care" of her grandchild if she is ignoring the mother's wishes and acts like the "third parent".
Has anyone used grandparents as daycare? What was your experience?
DH doesn’t want to send LO to daycare when my leave is over but wants grandparents to watch the baby instead. I’m not a fan of this as I think it will lead to issues. My MIL already thinks baby belongs to her. I feel like having her watch him a few times a week will further feed into her belief. My main concern is she will think she can do whatever she wants because she’s a third parent. And it will cause me to resent her and always worry when I’m at work.
If you used grandparents, how did you set boundaries? Please reassure me it’s a positive thing!
You said a few days a week, meaning two or three. Why not let the grandparents have the child for one day and hire a nanny for the other two. That way, the grandparents won't get pooped out and you won't feel guilty for using them on an occasional date night. Just like you would any babysitter, you set boundaries by sitting down and writing a list of do's and don'ts.
My grandmother took care of me because she wanted to. My parents lived with my grandparents for the first two or three years after their marriage. We didn't have daycare in those days. Good thing because I would have been stressed out by daycare, and it could not compare to the care and attention I got from grandma.
Grandma did have a hard time when my parents moved out. She told me it felt like her own baby was taken away. But it was still worth it. We were very close while I was growing up.
Studies show that babies in daycare have raised cortisol levels because it's a stressful environment for them. Babies at home with their mother or a caretaker don't have raised cortisol levels.
While children under 3 years do tend to have higher cortisol levels in a daycare environment, to say that they “don’t have raised cortisol at home with their mother or a caretaker” is nonsense. Babies experience a rise in cortisol from being overtired, in response to a stressed-out caregiver (yes, even Mom), or something as mundane as a diaper change or a bath.
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