DD is Terrified of Dogs - What to Do? (babysit, baby, parents)

[mdcmm-78]

For some reason unknown to me my daughter became afraid of dogs around age 5. I'm not aware of any specific incident that might've caused it. Her only explanation is that "they lick" and it feels disgusting. Her fear is such it's almost a panic attack when she sees one even not that close or hears them bark, she's trying to find a place to hide. She is 9 now. To make things worse my son (2 years younger than her) is actually curious about dogs and wants to pet them, but seeing the way she reacts, he began copying her behavior. I tried explaining that all animals lick, that you can just wipe it off if you don't like it, etc. But it does not work.

One time a family we were becoming friends with invited us to their house for the first time, I warned them of the situation and they said they would gladly put the dog in the crate. Well 5 minutes into our visit, their son innocently let the dog out. There goes my daughter running away from it out the door, the dog following her closer and closer and barking behind her, she's like an Olympic athlete jumping over furniture and objects to get away, crying and screaming hysterically, no one knew what was happening. Needless to say, big/embarrassing scene and that incident made her fear even worse. My son got scared from watching the whole scene. We explained the dog was playing, but to her he was going to attack her. We didn't get invited back. LOL

This has become a pain since people who can babysit for me usually have dogs. The kids are fine with and love cats though and are curious about other pets.

I have two questions:

How do I help her overcome it?
I want to help her but don't know exactly how. We have no pets since we traveled a lot and did not want to deal with having to find pet sitters. We don't travel much anymore so we thought about getting a dog. But I never had pets growing up either (except for fish) so I'm not really a dog person myself. My husband loves and grew up with dogs but he works away from home, so it would be all on me to learn how to own one, while also getting the kids comfortable.... not sure if that would work...

What is the best way to explain this to a dog owner that invites me to their house?
Avoiding going to people's houses does not help the issue. I think it could actually help her if done appropriately. What is the best way to bring it up? A friend invited me to a BBQ at her house, and after the embarrassing scene at the other family's house, I said I would love to go but I didn't want to inconvenience her with my DD who was afraid of dogs. She never even replied to my message. If I don't mention it then I risk making a big scene with a screaming/terrified child in your house without your prior knowledge. If I mention it like I did to my friend, then people get upset?! Do I just decline...

Please help, all input is appreciated!

[ADVentive]

My younger daughter is also afraid of dogs, especially if they approach her. Some people have dogs that are just mellow and don't do anything except lay on the couch, and that doesn't bother my daughter. But if the dog is going to chase after her, even in play, that would definitely not be okay. She doesn't mind seeing them, but she doesn't want them to get close to her. In our experience, we just tell people that my daughter is afraid of dogs, and they generally put their dog in a different room or something. It hasn't caused any kind of big social problem for us. My daughter was invited to a sleepover last month and was afraid to go because they have a dog. I talked to the other mom about it, and she said she would keep the dog away from my daughter, and that's what they did and it worked out fine. No big deal.

[mdcmm-78]

Originally Posted by ADVentive

My younger daughter is also afraid of dogs, especially if they approach her. Some people have dogs that are just mellow and don't do anything except lay on the couch, and that doesn't bother my daughter. But if the dog is going to chase after her, even in play, that would definitely not be okay. She doesn't mind seeing them, but she doesn't want them to get close to her. In our experience, we just tell people that my daughter is afraid of dogs, and they generally put their dog in a different room or something. It hasn't caused any kind of big social problem for us. My daughter was invited to a sleepover last month and was afraid to go because they have a dog. I talked to the other mom about it, and she said she would keep the dog away from my daughter, and that's what they did and it worked out fine. No big deal.

I've been able to do that with some friends and it does turn out ok. It seems like some people get annoyed though, maybe I focus too much on the inconvenience I'm causing them and it bother's me ;-)

[Sarahsez]

You might try introducing her to a small puppy.

[Brian_M]

Not all dogs lick. I had a lovely Husky that maybe licked me 5 times in the 14 years she lived. She also didn't bark at much of anything, was Extremely timid and gentle while also being very tolerant. I used her as an unregistered therapy dog several times.

If your daughter is scared and you want to help, you have to put her in a position where she's in control AND with a dog that's tolerant of fear. Ask around for trainers of therapy dogs, they will get to use the experience to their benefit as well. But by starting slow/in the right situation, you can demonstrate that not all dogs are the same just like not all people are the same. My prior/first dog might have licked me 5 times in 14 years, didn't bark and had to be coaxed into playing (rescue, obviously had a hard youth) ~ my current dog also doesn't lick or bark, but is a chaser. If someone was afraid of my first, there was a serious problem.

I do have a nephew who was terrified of my current dog. We simply kept her in a crate and in our bedroom with the door shut when he was over. After months of limited exposure where we had the dog on leash or in arms, he grew bold. This might be another avenue... constant exposure where she's not expected to have any part in the Same dog. A friend or neighbor who's willing to help. In the case of my nephew, his parents want a dog just as soon as their youngest starts school and he needed to lose his fear. He now loves my mutt and wears her out if they're ever at "grannies" together.

[Charlotteborn]

PLEASE handle this now before your kids get any older. Find a friend with a sweet, calm dog and slowly introduce your daughter to the dog. It might take a few days of intensely working on this but please don't give up. Your kids will thank you one day.

I have a friend that was scared of dogs and her parents never forced her to get over her fear. She ended up being an extremely anxious person and she is still mad that her parents allowed her to grow up this way. She said the older she got the more anxious about everything she became. BTW - she now has two dogs.

In response to posters that say its ok and not to worry I absolutely disagree. Being afraid of dogs will absolutely limits things that your kids can do. In my job, I regularly go to peoples homes and I would not be able to do my job if I was afraid of dogs.

[phonelady61]

I agree and as a dog lover and owner , find someone with a timid and gentle dog or a small puppy and let her touch it and handle it . My gsd would be perfect he really loves kids and I feel guilty about never having kids here sometimes because he would be a great therapy dog and I may get him into that when he gets older . Yes I think your daughter needs to go and visit some might nice and calm dogs and she may just get over this anxiety of hers . are you going to decline every invitation you get instead of getting your daughter used to dogs ? you must make her get over this or it could potentially get worse and not just dogs it could develop into a fear of other things as well . Good luck to you and I hope you get this handled .

[Rowan123]

I think a well trained older dog would be better than a puppy. Puppies sometimes bite and nip. They also lick and jump. I don't a puppy is the best choice here.

Maybe a therapy dog group would let you bring your daughter to meet one of their dogs. Those dogs are trained to be calm and are exposed to all sorts of different environments.

Maybe start reading books about friendly dogs and then watching TV shows or movies about friendly dogs before moving on to meeting a live dog. You might consider walking her by a dog park where the dogs are in a fenced area (but sometimes there can be dog fights so I don't know if that would make things worse).

Also some libraries have programs where the children read to dogs. Maybe that would be something that could help once she's not so afraid.

You might consider getting professional help to deal with this, especially if she has anxiety about other things. I think the right approach will be critical.

Hope you find something that works.

[chicagoliz]

People I know who have had this issue solved it by getting a dog.

[ClaraC]

She needs desensitization therapy, which is kind of what the posts above describe.

This is VERY successful, in people who want to get rid of phobias. If you don't treat this, her phobia will spread outwards - next, she'll be afraid of parks or going out in public, etc.

You can find a therapist to do it, or you can maybe do it yourself.

You start first with talking about dogs, and reading an illustrated silly little child's book about dogs. The Pokey Little Puppy is a good one. Have her read that and look at that until it no longer elicits a reaction from her.

Then you move on to photographs of real dogs, and then videos of real dogs. Watch them until she can watch them without panicking.

THEN, you move on to real dogs. Best to find a sweet, lethargic small dog. Let her approach the dog, and maybe she won't be able to touch it the first day.

Then she can touch and hold the little dog, and then move her on to a few bigger ones that are also calm and gentle. Finally take her to a place with well-behaved larger dogs that she doesn't approach, like a farmer's market.

Finally, she should be able to walk around in a place like that, with leashed dogs, and do ok.

This might take a couple weeks.

It's highly likely she'll never like dogs, but she at least will be able to have a normal social life.

It's important that you make it clear to her that it's very courageous of her to tackle her fear of dogs, because panicky feeling is horrible and that she's a brave girl to face this and work this out.